Why Walking Away Can Save a Broken Relationship

We first fell in love while we were in school, with me being a year ahead of her. Our relationship was challenging on campus due to her Christian beliefs. We could only be seen together in public; she never visited me in my dorm, nor did she allow me to visit hers. She would say, “What we’re doing isn’t right, and there’s no need to flaunt it. I’m a PENSA secretary, and I can’t be seen hanging out with guys.”

This continued until I graduated. She was a wonderful person who loved me deeply and prayed for us. I couldn’t have asked for more.

The village where I did my National Service was close to campus, so she would visit me occasionally. Although it wasn’t frequent, it was better than nothing. Even during her visits, she insisted we couldn’t be intimate. One day, emotions ran high, and we kissed. I wanted more, but she said, “That’s all you can have for now until the right things are done.” I wasn’t in a rush; we had all the time in the world.

One afternoon, she came to the village where I was serving for Evangelism work. Afterward, she visited me and lay on the sofa, engrossed in her phone, smiling to herself. I watched her, captivated by her joy. She was so absorbed in her phone that she didn’t notice me. I asked, “What’s so amusing on your phone?” Without looking up, she replied, “Nothing!”

When I tried to get closer, she put her phone down and asked, “What?” I decided to give her space, but she returned to her chat, smiling again, ignoring me.

Curiosity got the better of me. I wanted to know who she was chatting with and why she was smiling so much. It was frustrating. I moved closer and snatched her phone. She jumped up, trying to reclaim it. I was surprised by her strength. I kept my finger on the screen to prevent it from locking and managed to escape the room with her phone.

She was chatting with a guy saved in her contacts as Eaou:

The Guy: “Are you coming around this evening?”

My Girlfriend: “If only you’ll come and pick me (Smiley)”

The Guy: “You want your crazy boyfriend to break my windscreen? Smiley”

My Girlfriend: “I told you he’s not on campus.”

The Guy: “Okay, I’ll come pick you up if you promise me a repeat of what happened last night.”

My Girlfriend: “If that’s what you want, why not? I can give you more than that.”

The Guy: “Wow… What else can you do? (Smiley)”

My Girlfriend: “What do you want? 24 hours non-stop BJ?” (Smiley)

That was where I stopped reading. My knee began to shake uncontrollably, and my heart felt like it was in my throat. I had been with this girl for nearly two years, and the most I had received was a kiss. I rushed back to her, and she was angry. “I thought you were going to swallow the phone; why are you back so soon?” she asked. I demanded, “Who is he?” She remained silent. I pressed again, “Who is he?” Still no response.

I locked the door, picked up a knife, and threatened, “I swear if you don’t talk, I will stab you. Don’t joke with me.” She was visibly shaken, seeing the seriousness in my eyes. Finally, she spoke: “He’s a friend I met recently. He comes around every evening with gifts. Sometimes he takes me out, just sightseeing and chatting. One day, he took me to his house, and it happened. I didn’t want it, but he forced himself on me.”

I asked, “That was the first time. What happened next? You should have been angry and cut ties, so why are you still talking to him?” She replied, “He apologized but kept coming back. I can’t explain everything. Please forgive me.”

Some shocks can be processed over time, but the shock I experienced made me question my existence and blurred my perception of life. It was painful. I cried. I loved her deeply, so I chose to forgive her, viewing the situation as an opportunity for growth and understanding her true self.

It took me a week to finally tell her I forgave her. She cried and promised not to repeat her mistakes.

You can forgive, but you can’t ignore the reality. When trust is broken, you always remain vigilant. You protect your heart until you feel secure again. One day, she stayed over, and while she slept, her phone lit up. I picked it up and saw a message from Eaou. I saved his number and asked a female friend to call him and gather more information.

The next morning, my friend called to reveal the guy’s identity. He was a respected lecturer in her department, married with two kids. I recognized him. Early in our relationship, she had told me that fair-skinned guys didn’t attract her.

She was still seeing him. He was still taking her out. She was still offering him what she had promised. When she woke up, I confronted her about what I had discovered. She asked, “You went through my phone again?” I replied, “You said you didn’t like fair guys. I didn’t know you liked them married.”

She didn’t respond. She packed her things and left. At that moment, I was the one in pain. I loved her so much that I couldn’t bear to let her go, hoping she would change her mind. Despite the hurt, I always forgave her, but inside, I was suffering. A friend advised me, “You can either leave her and face the pain once or stay and endure it indefinitely.”

Her words resonated, but I couldn’t bring myself to act. She was the love of my life, and no one compared to her. Our relationship was deteriorating, with little trust remaining. We constantly fought over that lecturer. One morning, she called to say it was over.

She said, “We’re beyond repair. The only thing keeping us together is your stubbornness. You don’t know when to let go, so let me help you. You’ll never trust me again, no matter what I do or say. A relationship built on mistrust has no solid foundation. It’s over. Let’s start anew with other people; maybe it will work out for them.”

I pleaded with her not to leave. I struggled to find the words, even apologizing for taking her phone that day and for everything I did to uncover her betrayal. She left me. The pain was unbearable, but as my friend said, “You can face the pain once and for all…” So I held my head high and endured the hurt like a man. It felt like an eternity, but after two to three months, I was okay.

Looking back, I’m grateful she left that day. My stubbornness would have clung to her until it was too late. Sometimes, the best solution to a relationship problem is to walk away. You can’t change what can’t be changed; you can only try. Don’t try to be a hero. If it’s not working, have the strength to walk away. In the end, all you have is yourself. I let her go to revive my spirit, to love again, and to trust again.

Love revival? To me, this is the best revival I’ve ever given myself.

—Delali,  
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