How Deception Broke My Heart Then Set Me Free

They say that the truth will set you free, but discovering the truth left me utterly shattered. For days, I couldn’t eat; I stayed indoors, consumed by tears. One day at work, I felt the tears streaming down my face unexpectedly. I was caught off guard until a colleague noticed and asked, “Frances, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” I quickly wiped my eyes and replied, “Everything is fine.” She pressed, “Everything is fine, and you’re crying?” I insisted, “Yeah, I’m fine.” It happened again later when my boss called me into her office. She asked, “Do you need some time off?” I responded, “No, I’m just scared to be alone.” She probed further, “What’s going on? I know you; this isn’t like you.” I ended up sharing the whole story through my sobs.

She said, “This is tough. You need some time to clear your head. I’ll arrange a week’s leave for you. If you need more time after that, just let me know, and I’ll extend it.” I grabbed my bag and left the office. On the trotro ride home, I cried, oblivious to the mate trying to get my attention. Eventually, he exclaimed, “Yeees, the woman crying.” Everyone turned to stare at me. I quickly wiped my tears and paid him.

At one point, I wondered, “This isn’t the first time a man has lied to me and broken my heart, so why does this hurt so much?” My previous ex, Martin, was a deceitful man. He lied about everything, even the smallest things you wouldn’t expect him to lie about. I spent two years with him, listening to his daily lies. I loved him, and he did enough to convince me he loved me too. He was a good guy, but his lies prevented him from living a better life.

When I caught him lying, I forgave him to keep him in my life. One day, after a heated argument about a girl he had lied about, he said, “It’s fine. You don’t trust me, so I don’t see why we should be together. Go your way, and I’ll go mine.” I thought he was joking; we had broken up before, only to reconcile hours later. But that day, Martin meant it. He left, and no amount of pleading could bring him back.

I didn’t cry or break down for days; I simply brushed it off and moved on as if nothing had happened. So why was this new heartbreak consuming me? I questioned, “Is it because he lives in the UK? Maybe I had dreams of moving there with him, having kids, and taking pictures in the snow.” But that wasn’t the reason. It hurt because, for once, I followed the rules and still fell on the sharp edges. “Don’t have sex right away.” I did. “Get to know him better.” I did. “Make sure you know his family.” I did. “Let him introduce you to his parents.” I did. “Ensure he’s committed to the relationship.” What more commitment is there than someone coming home to meet your parents with a drink? Some men will effortlessly jump through hoops to get what they want and then disappear.

The friend who revealed the truth to me didn’t stop reaching out. He called often to check on me, and when I was struggling, he visited. One night, while we were out, he apologized for what his friend had done and encouraged me to be strong. He kept talking about his friend, and one day he said, “I asked him why he treated you that way and wouldn’t talk to you again. He claimed he didn’t do anything wrong; he just visited you and you introduced him to your family, so he thought it was okay to bring a drink next time.”

I exclaimed, “What? Is that what he said? This guy is a devil. Who visits someone with Schnapp these days? What about the list he took? What about the two people he claimed were his family?” Martin replied, “As I said, it was a grand scheme just to sleep with you. If he could go that far for sex, we all need to be cautious around him. He’s capable of anything.”

Time does heal, and slowly I found myself thinking about the situation less and less until I could reflect on it and smile. I entered 2020 with a new resolution: “No man is worth the struggle, so I will live my life freely and happily without getting involved in any relationship.” In March 2020, I met a man. I tried everything to push him away, but he persisted until I had no choice but to listen. I met him at a business seminar I attended with my boss. He knew my boss well and used that connection to approach me. My boss said, “He’s a good man. I’ve known him for a long time. Just remember, people can change, so be cautious.”

Just as we were about to connect, the pandemic hit, and we were confined to our homes. He made the loneliness bearable by staying in touch over the phone. He shared his Netflix account with me and recommended movies to watch. Sometimes, we’d watch the same movie simultaneously and discuss it as we went along. He gradually won my heart with his charm. Just when I thought I was done with men, another one appeared and turned my world upside down. I shared the story of the UK guy with him, and to this day, he teases me about it.

In December, Martin called me. He said, “Your ex is coming back, so be prepared. If you want closure, now’s your chance.” Hearing that revived all the resentment I had for him. I told Martin, “Great. Let me know as soon as he arrives. That guy will regret it when he sees me.” I called my mom to share the news, and she said, “Good. I’d like to go with you to return his drink. We’re not gods to drink Schnapp.”

Another day, Martin called again. He said, “They’re here.” I asked, “They?” He replied, “Yeah, he came with his whole family.” In my mind, I thought, “Perfect. I can involve his wife so she knows what kind of man she’s married to.” I decided to discuss it with my boyfriend, not wanting him to hear about it later and wonder why I hadn’t told him. I laid out my plan, and he said, “Dear, it’s not necessary. You’ve moved on, and this isn’t worth the effort or emotions you’ll invest. Let it go. For all you know, he might be a good husband and father. If you involve them, you’ll hurt their feelings forever. Don’t do it.”

I retorted, “You men always defend each other. I need to teach him a lesson.” He asked, “And then what?” I replied, “Then he’ll understand the pain I went through.” He kept asking, “And then what?” until I finally gave up. I asked, “What about the drink?” He answered, “He said it wasn’t meant for knocking; it was just for show. So, consider it that way. Your parents can give it away at the next funeral they attend.”

When Martin called one day to give me the details of his movements and how I could make an entrance, I told him, “I’m concerned about his wife and kids, so I’ll forgive him, but I know it won’t end there. He’ll meet someone who will do worse to him. I’ll leave him in those hands.”

So here I am, enjoying my life and nurturing this new relationship. I trust him because I’ve seen his ways. I won’t go out on a limb and say, “It’s going to end in marriage.” No, I’ll take it one day at a time and see where it leads us. The most important thing is that I’m a happy woman. I know this for sure.

–Frances

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