Married by Promise Abandoned by Time Found Myself

I was 27 when I got married, and my husband was living abroad. I hadn’t met him in person; I only knew he was a good man based on what I was told. It was an arranged marriage, but I appreciated it. I liked how he expressed his feelings for me and his honesty about everything.

On our wedding day, I wore my wedding dress and stood beside his photo as we exchanged vows over a phone call. It felt surreal and somewhat hollow, but I was assured he was a good man. I went through with it to be married to someone who was deemed right for me.

He promised to come for me six months after the wedding so we could start a family. At 27, I believed him. By the time I turned 33, I was still asking when he would come. At 34, I found myself pleading and crying daily for him to visit me in Ghana. At 35, I looked in the mirror and realized my life was slipping away, so I made a decision:

“Any man who wants me will have me, no matter what.”

George had feelings for me but was hesitant because he was also married. One night, he took me out on a date. When the waitress came to take our orders, he jokingly said, “Look at my wife; isn’t she beautiful? We just got married this afternoon, so please treat us well.”

The waitress noticed our rings and smiled, saying, “Yes, she’s beautiful. Congratulations to you both.”

It was amusing, but it struck a chord with me. My husband had never introduced me to anyone as his gorgeous wife. On our way home, we kissed. When we arrived at his place, he asked, “May I have the night?” I didn’t respond; I simply walked to his bathroom and took a long bath.

I emerged from the bathroom, confidently revealing myself. He smiled and led me to the bedroom. A few minutes later, he joined me.

I pointed to one of their wedding photos and asked, “Where is she?” He replied, “It’s a long story. The short version is that she left the country a few months after our wedding. It’s been over five years, and she’ll only return once she has proper residency documents.”

I said, “At least you have wedding photos to validate your marriage. There’s hope.” We spent the night together without distractions. Oh, what a night it was.

This is how I viewed our relationship…

It felt like we were both trapped in an empty room, waiting for our true loves to rescue us. Since they weren’t coming, we decided to find our own way out. I have a strong conscience, but this never felt wrong to me. Our only concern was our future—how long could we sustain this relationship?

Over the next year, it was all about George and me. People began to talk, but we didn’t care. Eyes were watching, but as long as they didn’t burn us, we kept going.

For several months, I didn’t hear from my husband. He changed his address and stopped communicating. To protect my family’s reputation, I continued wearing the ring.

One morning, I heard a knock at my door. When I opened it, my so-called husband stood there with his younger brother. I pretended not to recognize him. His brother said, “Akosua, don’t you recognize the man in front of you?” I shook my head. He continued, “That’s your husband!”

I pulled him inside and asked, “Where have you been? You didn’t call or do anything. Is this your idea of a surprise?”

He began, “It’s a long story, Akosua. Life in another country isn’t easy. I faced many challenges, got arrested, and they didn’t even give me power of attorney. Now I’m back.”

“You were deported?”

“Yes, unlawfully.”

“So what’s next?”

“Hmmm, I can only start over and see what the future holds.”

I told him, “You can start over, but I’m not the woman you come to when you want a fresh start. Let me know when you’re ready to discuss a divorce.”

He was stunned, as if he had heard a death sentence. He was shocked and confused, but I didn’t care. You wasted my youth; you won’t waste my old age too.

Unfortunately, George couldn’t move on. He held onto hope, believing his wife would return. I never asked him to marry me or stay with me permanently; I just wanted him to free himself. He’s a great guy who deserves better. He’s willing to wait for a wife who hasn’t come back in six years. Not all birds fly away when the cage is opened.

I wished George well as I began the process of dissolving my marriage.

—Akosua  
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