The Private Things That Nearly Broke Our Marriage

When we moved in together, everything had its designated spot, and each of us arranged our belongings to our liking. He was my husband, and while we were meant to share many aspects of our lives, there were certain things that remained off-limits. We both understood that I wouldn’t disclose my past relationships, nor would I share some of my most personal secrets.

That much was clear. However, there were other matters we didn’t see eye to eye on. We never discussed these issues because they simply didn’t come up.

It all began with towels.

My towels were mine, and his towels were his. There was no need to share. I viewed towels as intimate items; they touch my skin and reach deeper places when I use them. They were akin to my underwear, bras, or undershirts—things that shouldn’t come into contact with others.

My husband didn’t share this perspective, and I only realized it one morning when I caught him drying off with my towel. I searched for his towel but couldn’t find it. “Where’s your towel? Why are you using mine?” I asked. “I think I left it in the hallway or somewhere last night. I only noticed it was missing after my shower,” he replied.

That was fine.

But it happened again. And again. Eventually, I had to bring it up. “Honey, I’m not comfortable sharing towels. Please stick to yours.” He didn’t respond. Later that evening, I found him using it again. “Darling, could you please not use my towel? It makes me uncomfortable.” He snapped back, “My towel, my towel, my towel! Is it such a big deal to use your towel?” I chose to ignore him.

I stopped hanging my towels in the bathroom. If they weren’t visible, he wouldn’t use them. From then on, whenever he forgot his towel outside, he would call me to bring it to him. That was progress.

One morning, I noticed him brushing his teeth with what looked like my toothbrush. I wasn’t sure, so after he finished, I went to check. My toothbrush had wet bristles. I still wasn’t certain since I had used it earlier that morning. I called him over. “Honey, there are two toothbrushes here. Which one is yours?” He replied, “I don’t know which is which, so I just pick one when I brush.”

I was alarmed!

“You mean you’ve been using any brush? You don’t care if it’s yours or mine?”

“What’s yours is mine, and what’s mine is yours. We’re one, remember?”

“Your sickness is yours, and mine is mine!” (Of course, I didn’t say that out loud.)

But how could he take “We are one” so literally?

First, it was my towel. Now my toothbrush. What would be next—my underwear?

I told him, “Honey, we are one, but there are boundaries. What’s mine is yours, but can we please keep personal items separate? My toothbrush can’t be yours, and my towel can’t be yours. Things that touch my skin should be treated as personal. Can we agree on that?”

Some men can take offense even when none is intended. I was calm and smiling when I expressed my concern, but my husband found a way to get upset. “Why are you so fixated on these little things? What’s wrong with me using your toothbrush? We kiss! I even go down on you. Just think about it… down there, I use my tongue, but somehow, sharing a toothbrush is a problem?”

He then walked away.

At that moment, I realized two things would never happen again:

He wouldn’t give me oral pleasure again. And
He wouldn’t kiss me again.
Oh, how I craved those two things!

Because of that, I needed to find a better way to discuss the issue without offending him.

I said, “Honey, I understand why you don’t mind using my personal items. To you, if you love someone and have promised ‘till death do us part,’ then it doesn’t matter how that death occurs, even if it involves sharing a toothbrush. I get it. It’s even romantic to think that way. But for me, it’s hard to accept. My younger sister had gum bleeding every time she brushed her teeth (that’s a lie), and it was awful, so I promised never to share a toothbrush. I can’t shake that image from my mind, which makes it difficult for me to share things like that with you. Maybe in time, I’ll learn to accept it, but for now, please understand.”

He sat quietly, watching my face intently as I spoke. I felt I was making progress. He seemed to grasp my point and would change for me. He said, “If that’s how you feel, let’s keep our things separate. Find a spot for yours since you don’t want me using them. Over time, I’ll adjust and stick to my own.”

That was it. It was a clean resolution. No blood was shed in settling this issue. Life went on, or so I thought, but something felt different afterward. Just a few paragraphs ago, I mentioned what wouldn’t happen again, and indeed, those two things ceased. I solved one problem but created two more in its place. Weeks passed, and after numerous intimate moments without oral pleasure or kisses, I grew concerned.

“Darling, are you still upset?”

“Why do you ask that?”

“Well… things have changed a bit.”

“What has changed? Tell me.”

“Um… things feel a bit raw these days. You don’t kiss, you don’t… you don’t ‘go there’ anymore, and it’s not as exciting.”

He squirmed in his seat, wearing a mischievous grin. “Yeah, I’ve noticed that too, but you see, my mouth is mine, and I decide what to do with it. For now, my mouth is private and personal until further notice.”

“You fool, I thought we settled this long ago,” I thought to myself. I looked at him, and he looked back at me. For a moment, we were silent. He kept grinning. I said, “So you’re still holding a grudge? You’re punishing me for expressing my concerns?” He continued to grin.

Little did I know what was coming… That endless grin concealed a storm—a beautiful storm, in fact.

He didn’t even give me a moment to catch my breath. Making love felt different after a ‘fight.’ He asked, “You still want more?” I replied, “Your tongue is yours. Please keep it that way for a while. You can’t just come and overwhelm me.”

—Samira,
Please SHARE this story. Someone in your network needs it.
Do you have any relationship experiences to share? Email it to editors@etechx.co.ke

Like our Facebook page to stay updated on new posts.