She Chose Marriage Then Returned Until He Came Back

When Louisa accepted my proposal, one thing was evident: she was a woman who didn’t have time to waste. She stated, “At this stage in my life, I don’t have time for ‘I love you, I love you.’ I’ve been there before. And I don’t have time for ‘Darling, have you eaten?’ I crossed that line long ago. If I say yes to you, I’m agreeing to a marriage proposal. We’ll need to marry soon.”

I should have asked her how soon. I assumed that “soon” meant a reasonable timeframe.

The first question she posed was, “When are you going to meet my parents?” We set a date. However, when the day arrived, I couldn’t make it due to work commitments, but I ensured I accompanied her the following week. Her mother was delighted to meet me. She was a warm woman who took my hand and introduced me to the neighbors, saying, “Meet Abeiku, my daughter’s future husband.”

Some shook my hand, others embraced me, and the men offered bits of advice.

Life was beautiful.

One afternoon, she called me. “Abey, I’m at the market. I found these two beautiful pieces of cloth that I couldn’t resist. They’re in my bag now. We can use them for our traditional marriage.” She was in high spirits. I replied, “That’s very thoughtful of you. You’ve started shopping early.”

The issue with Louisa wasn’t just her eagerness to marry quickly. From our conversations, it was clear she felt she was aging and needed to marry before reaching the dreaded age of 30. Additionally, two of her close friends had recently tied the knot, making her feel it was her turn. Among her friends, she was the one who easily attracted relationships, but the problem was that none of the guys had marriage in mind, and they soon moved on.

I loved her. She was considerate and caring, but at times I felt confused. I questioned whether her affection for me was genuine or if she was merely performing to get me to marry her. I didn’t have a set timeline for marriage. I knew it was a necessity and that I would marry eventually, but I wasn’t in a rush. All I wanted was a girlfriend to avoid loneliness. Yet, here I was, in love with a woman who was pushing me to meet her deadlines.

I couldn’t have a meaningful conversation without it turning into discussions about marriage. Our lives became a marriage planning session. One day, she asked, “When do you plan to buy our wedding rings? I can’t wait to try them on. With prices rising every day, it’s better to buy them early.”

We had only been dating for five months. In that time, I had met her parents, she had shopped for wedding clothes, we had discussed where we would live, and now we were talking about rings?

So I asked her, “You seem to have everything figured out, but fill me in. When do you want to get married?” “If we plan well, we should be able to marry before the year ends,” she replied.

“Before the year ends” meant we had only five months left. That wasn’t my plan. I couldn’t do it by then, and I needed to be clear about it. I told her I couldn’t and suggested we take a year or two.

She became angry. She wasn’t willing to consider any other option. “If money is the issue, I’ll support you,” she said. “I’ve saved enough for that, and I’m ready to help.”

“Darling, it’s not just about money. It’s about other factors too. It’s about getting your life in order to handle marriage. Let’s take our time. We’re not going anywhere.”

I tried my best to make her understand, but all she heard was, “If we’re not getting married by the end of the year, then we might as well not continue.”

From that moment on, things soured between us. She felt our plans were misaligned and began to withdraw. I noticed the change in her and tried to address it so we could return to our previous state. She was physically present in the relationship, but her spirit had departed.

One day, she ended things. I attempted to reason with her, but she wouldn’t listen. She said, “I’m a woman, and I want to be married because I know I’m a good woman. I can’t wait to build a home with my own hands. You’re not ready, and I can’t waste the little time I have with you.”

“Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall; All the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put Humpty together again.”

Remove “Humpty Dumpty” from that rhyme, and it would still apply to our relationship. No one could put us back together again. Her mother tried. Her friends tried. I tried. She said I wasn’t serious.

Seven months later, she was married. It felt as if the man had dropped from the sky to marry her because it was so sudden. But when readiness meets readiness, there’s no such thing as too early. The man came from abroad to marry her after six months of online dating. She looked happy, and I could only wish her well.

Months later, I ran into her. She appeared more beautiful than when she left me. We chatted for a while and reminisced about the good times we shared. She apologized, and I told her I understood.

She was married but still felt lonely. Her husband returned abroad after their wedding. She said, “This isn’t how I envisioned it. I needed a place to create a home. I guess I was impatient.” We began to rekindle some chemistry. You know what they say about old flames? The spark was reignited.

We became secret lovers. Everything about her felt right. Our conversations deepened, and at times, I felt a connection of our souls. We kissed often and made love. It was wrong, yet it felt so right. When she wasn’t under the pressure of planning a wedding, she was the sweetest girl ever. I wasn’t married and wasn’t in a serious relationship, but I began to think about marriage.

So I asked her, “Would it be so hard to leave him?” She replied, “I could leave him today, and it wouldn’t hurt. I wouldn’t feel like I missed anything. He hasn’t been here.”

Thus, we began making plans for a reunion. In our strategy, she would tell him she was uncomfortable with the long-distance relationship and would quit. She intended to give him some time before finally walking away.

It wasn’t a perfect plan, but we worked towards it. She informed the man she was ending the marriage. He made many promises, but she was still determined to leave him. We were so confident in our plans that we started purchasing what we needed for our wedding. I had lost her once, and I wasn’t going to lose her again.

Out of frustration, the man returned to Ghana without notifying her. He wanted to surprise her, but she wasn’t concerned. She told me, “Now that he’s here, getting a divorce will be easier.”

I didn’t see her often, but she updated me on her divorce plans daily. Some days she was silent, and other days we spoke. Then one morning, I called her, but her phone was off. It remained off all day. The next day, I asked someone close to her, and they told me, “Louisa left with her husband yesterday.”

“Left? As in traveled with him?”

“Yeah, she didn’t tell anyone, but that was the plan.”

I felt deceived and foolish. Anger and betrayal washed over me. It took a long time to accept that my heart was broken. At the very least, she could have given me closure.

When she finally spoke to me after a long silence, I asked her why. She said, “He gave me what I was looking for, and there was no reason for a divorce. Our plan backfired, and there was nothing I could do.” I told her, “We should have kept the pregnancy. That way, he wouldn’t have had any choice.”

She sighed; “Hmmmm.” 

—Abeiku,  
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