My Wife Hid Everything From Our Marriage

It all began on our wedding day.

Before the pastor concluded the ceremony with a prayer, he invited the congregation to contribute a special offering for us as a couple. Afterward, the collected money was placed in a sack and presented to us. My wife accepted the sack in front of everyone. The pastor prayed over it and encouraged us to start our new life with whatever was inside. After the wedding and honeymoon, I inquired about the money. She replied, “I gave it to my little sister to deposit into my account. I was worried we might lose it or spend it during the honeymoon, so I thought it would be safer there.”

“That’s fine,” I said. “Let’s open a joint account to deposit that money. It could serve as startup capital for us.” She agreed, but that money never made it into our joint account. To this day, I have no idea how much it was or what she used it for. I remember asking her about it twice, and she provided a series of vague excuses for why it never went into the joint account.

Four years later, we have two children in school. I cover their tuition, pay utility bills, manage household expenses, and pay rent on top of it all. I’m not complaining; it’s a man’s responsibility to provide for his family, and I do so without resentment. But I often wonder, “What does my wife do with her money if I’m the one handling all the bills?” She earns a good salary from her job, yet she rarely contributes anything to the household.

Before I received an official car, I had one I was using. I considered selling it to help with household expenses. She insisted I sell it to her instead. I couldn’t bring myself to sell my car to my wife, so I proposed an agreement: “I’ll give you my car without expecting payment, but you need to take care of the utility bills from now on.” She was thrilled with the arrangement and thanked me profusely.

Months later, I returned home from a trip to find the house in darkness. Our electricity had been cut off due to four months of unpaid bills. How could this happen? I asked her, “You were supposed to pay the bills; what went wrong?” She replied, “I wanted to pay, but I didn’t have the money. What do you expect me to do?” I went to the electricity company and paid the overdue amount to restore our power. Again, I wondered, “What does she do with her money if she can’t even pay the utility bills?”

She never honored our agreement and contributed nothing to the household. Life continued. I was the provider, so I had to keep providing, regardless of the circumstances.

A week before Christmas, she approached me and asked, “Darling, what are we going to give my parents this Christmas?” I was candid with her, feeling overwhelmed. I said, “Things aren’t great for me this year. I have my own parents to take care of, so please handle your parents this time, and I’ll take care of mine.” I meant no harm. Every year, I buy gifts and provisions for her family, but this year I needed her support. Surprisingly, she didn’t complain; she nodded and walked away.

A few days later, she showcased all the gifts she had bought for her family in the living room. I felt a pang of envy as I saw bags of rice, tins of fish, yards of fabric, and cash in envelopes. “All for your family?” I asked. She replied, “Yes, unless you want to add something?” I shook my head and left. From that moment, I resolved to treat my own parents better because they deserved good things too.

After Christmas, life returned to normal. One day, my official car was out for servicing, so I decided to use my wife’s car for errands on the weekend. Remember that car? Yes, it was now hers, so I had to ask for permission. When I told her, she said, “Just remember to refill the tank. That’s very important.”

While out, something came up, and I decided to cut my errands short and head home. I hadn’t used much fuel since I only drove for about forty-five minutes. When I got home, I dropped the keys in her lap. She asked, “Did you fill the tank?” I replied, “No, I didn’t need to since I didn’t complete my errands.”

Her response was, “So you used water as fuel to drive to town? What a stingy man. You can’t even buy fuel for your own wife.”

I had a bitter retort ready but chose to hold back. It was my home, and I didn’t want to escalate things. I let it go, but it still hurt.

One day, I sat her down and expressed my frustrations: “Dear, we’ve been married for over five years, yet we don’t share anything. You have your money, and I have ours. You refused to open a joint account, you never returned the wedding collection, and you didn’t fulfill our agreement to pay utilities. So, what do you do with your salary?”

I intended for it to be an honest conversation about our marriage and partnership. However, she fixated on one point and became angry: “Why do you keep bringing up the wedding collection after all this time? Can’t you let it go? You always complain about your responsibilities as a man. Do you want me to do them for you? What I do with my money is my business. Just do your part.”

She was so furious that she refused to listen to anything else I had to say. I ended the conversation and left, realizing she wanted to keep her finances separate from mine.

One evening, I returned home from work and overheard her on the phone. I don’t know why I stopped to listen, but I quietly stood by the window to hear her clearly. She said, “No, don’t use my name. I don’t want this to cause issues. Just use your name on all the documents… Then call him and ask him to change it. I don’t want my name on the deed or anything. Just use your name.”

As she was about to hang up, I walked in. I greeted her and went to the bedroom. “Indenture? My wife bought land without telling me? Is she trying to build without my knowledge? Who was she talking to?”

That night, I did some digging and discovered she was speaking to her father. This meant she had her parents’ support to act behind my back. I confronted her: “You had your father buy you land and told him to use his name on the deed? You didn’t want me to know, did you? Just so you know, I overheard your conversation.”

“So you were eavesdropping? What’s wrong with me buying land? If it’s mine, isn’t it yours too? Am I not allowed to use my own mind and money?”

I wasn’t shocked, just saddened. I thought to myself, “This girl is up to no good.” I called her father to express my concerns. I asked him if he would be happy if he found out his wife was building a house without his knowledge. He didn’t answer directly, fumbling instead, and eventually said, “I didn’t realize you weren’t aware. You two should resolve this peacefully to avoid conflict.”

But I wasn’t naive, so I began planning for my future and that of my children.

This year has been particularly challenging for me. It was supposed to be the year when all my plans came together, but the pandemic derailed everything.

My older brother in the UK came to my rescue and helped me sort things out. I was preparing to leave for the UK this June with my kids without her knowing. Everything was set for our departure, but then the pandemic hit. She still doesn’t know, but I believe the world will heal soon, and borders will reopen. My kids are currently staying with my parents since they’re out of school, and my parents are unaware of the situation. One day, I will go for my kids and leave the country.

Once I’m in the UK, I will call her and inform her that our marriage is over. She can continue building her house and move in with whoever she chooses. And I swear she will never see the kids again. As far as I’m concerned, she doesn’t have children. She thinks she’s clever, but she’s about to find out who’s truly sneakier.

—Baffour,
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