I Called Off My Wedding Over A Silver Ring

They say, “You can’t change people; you either accept them as they are or choose to live without them.” I’m not sure who said it, but when I reached the point of deciding between trying to change him or moving on, I chose the latter. It’s far easier to walk away than to cling to the hope that you can alter someone’s nature.

We were together for three years, and throughout our relationship, the only thing we both agreed on was his proposal. He expressed his love for me and wanted to make me his girlfriend, and I accepted.

I agreed because I knew him well. We attended the same church, and I had witnessed his involvement there. At one point, he served as the youth president while I was a member. Whenever he spoke, he radiated a confidence that was truly admirable.

When I finally said yes, he made one thing clear: “The ultimate goal of what we’re starting today is marriage. Keep that in mind, and let’s work towards it.”

That sounded thrilling to me. It felt like we were a team striving for a shared goal.

However, as time went on, I realized that whatever he decided was final and non-negotiable. He disregarded my opinions and insisted on having things his way.

I often went along with his decisions, believing that compromise was essential for a thriving relationship. Plus, he was the man, so I allowed him to take the lead.

I thought he would eventually learn to compromise, but that never happened.

When we discussed where to live after marriage, I suggested pooling our resources to rent a small place initially, with the idea of moving when our circumstances improved. He flatly refused.

“Why rent when your parents have a large house? It’s a waste of money. Let’s stay at your parents’ house for now, and when we can afford it, we’ll move,” he insisted.

We argued about this for days, but he wouldn’t budge, so I fell silent.

We disagreed on numerous aspects of the wedding. At one point, I felt we were completely incompatible and questioned why we were together. I wanted pink and white as our wedding colors, but he said, “No, let’s choose lemon green and white instead.”

I absolutely detest lemon green. For some reason, that color always evokes negative feelings in me. Why would I want it as my wedding color? Nothing I said could change his mind. He was adamant, and I reluctantly agreed.

During our next counseling session, I raised our disagreements and asked the pastor how we could resolve our differences. I cited several instances where conflict might arise and even asked if the man should always have the final say.

“Learn to compromise sometimes,” the pastor advised. He explained the importance of setting aside individual needs for the benefit of the partnership.

After that counseling session, I felt rejuvenated, hopeful that significant changes were on the horizon for our relationship.

About three weeks before the wedding, we went ring shopping—the last item on our list.

The shop attendant welcomed us and guided us through their collection. I spotted a beautiful 18-karat gold ring that I loved. “I think I’m going to choose this one. It’s simple and cute,” I said.

He replied, “We’re not buying gold; everyone wears gold. Let’s get silver instead.” His tone was irritating, but I didn’t want to escalate the situation, so I said, “That’s fine. You can choose silver, but I prefer gold. It looks better on my finger.”

“You’re not getting gold!” he snapped. “I’m paying for it, and I say we’re getting silver.”

I wanted to argue further, but the bewildered expression on the attendant’s face silenced me. It seemed to say, “You can’t even agree on a ring, and you want to live together?”

I maintained my composure as I watched him select the silver rings and pay for them. Inside, I was seething with anger, feeling like I could explode.

On the drive home, we didn’t speak. I could only manage to shed a few tears, hoping he would ask why I was upset. But he remained indifferent.

Once home, I went straight to my mother’s room, tears streaming down my face. “I don’t think I can go through with this. It’s too frustrating. We’re not even married yet, and I’m already exhausted. I can’t!”

I explained the situation to my mom. She encouraged me to pray and trust that God would change him. “Don’t let the devil win,” she said. When my dad heard the story, he suggested postponing the wedding until we resolved our issues. “The devil is stronger than you think. You need to be strong too,” he concluded.

Our pastor attributed the problems to the devil and urged us to fast and pray. Everyone seemed to blame the devil. When he had the chance to persuade me to reconsider, he said, “Don’t give the devil a chance to destroy what we’ve built.”

That was the tipping point. He couldn’t even acknowledge his own shortcomings. How could he blame his controlling behavior on the devil?

It saddened me to send messages to friends and family announcing that the wedding was off. It broke my heart to think about what people would say, but I knew I only had to do it once, and everything else would fall into place.

Now, two years later, I have no regrets. Life has been free of lemon green, and I think that suits me just fine.

- Linda  
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