A Married Man Changed My Life And Left

“Life…”

That’s what my friend Efua said when I shared my story with her. I asked, “Life… what has life done?” She replied, “I don’t even know what to say about this, but it’s all part of life.” Perhaps she was taken aback that I had kept it from her, or maybe she couldn’t believe I was capable of such a thing. But she wasn’t wrong when she said, “Life…” Indeed, life can lead us to agree to things we never thought we would.

And that’s where my story begins.

The first married man to profess his love for me was Mr. Ankama. He was an elder in our church and a close friend of my father. I was so stunned that I rushed to Efua to tell her what he had said. She remarked, “It’s always the people you hold in high regard who turn out to be unworthy of that respect.” We joked about it and even gave him a nickname: “Awingaa.” I was twenty-two, and he was in his fifties, with a firstborn older than me. So, when he called one day to ask about my response to his proposal, I told him, “If you bring that up again, the entire church will hear about it.”

That was the end of him. He stopped calling and avoided eye contact whenever we crossed paths at church. Efua said, “If all married men were treated like this, they’d stop chasing after girls and focus on their marriages.” But what I learned later is that married men don’t stop pursuing women just because one says no. They simply move on to another target until they find a yes. Ankama didn’t get me, but he found another girl who was quite lively in the church.

That wasn’t my concern.

I had graduated from university and was searching for a job. I encountered many men, both young and old. Some were honest, saying, “We don’t have any openings right now, but we’ll let you know when we do.” The dishonest ones always had something to say, giving you hope to keep you coming back until they got what they wanted. They’d give you their numbers and say, “Call me later today, and let’s talk. I might be able to help you.”

As soon as you called, they’d shower you with promises until their true intentions surfaced: “You’ll get a job only if you’re willing to play ball.” I met many such men, all wearing rings while looking me in the eye and saying, “I want you to be my girlfriend. Just say yes, and I’ll open doors for you.”

Power in the hands of the wrong man is incredibly destructive. They offer nothing until you give something, and you often end up giving more than you receive.

One day, we had a youth program at church, and afterward, the resource person we invited handed me his business card. I wasn’t sure why I needed to call him, but the next day, I decided to reach out and thank him for attending. He said, “It was great spending time with you all, and I must congratulate you on organizing such a successful program. You have my number; if you need anything, just call me, and I’ll help if I can.”

On his card, he was listed as the CEO of his organization. During his speech that day, he talked about how he built the organization from the ground up, the sacrifices made, and relationships cut off to make it work. He looked younger than his stated age of fifty-five. If I needed anything from him, it would be help finding a job, but I had just met him and didn’t want to rush into requests.

I didn’t call him for over a month, but one day I decided to reach out and present my request. It felt desperate, but I was in a desperate situation. I had been out of school for over two years with nothing to show for it. I called and humbly asked if there were any openings at his company. He replied, “We’re not hiring at the moment, but I know some people I can speak to on your behalf. Send me your CV tomorrow morning, and I’ll take it from there.”

The next morning, I sent it. I called to inform him, and he said, “Good. Just be patient; I’ll do my best for you.”

Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months without any word from him. I tried to forget about it. This happens often; people collect your CV and do nothing despite their promises. It wasn’t the first time, and I always moved on.

One early morning, I received a call from a lady: “Am I speaking with Melissa?” I confirmed. She continued, “I’m calling from this and that agency. I have your CV in front of me. Can you come by tomorrow for a conversation about a job offer?”

Three days after meeting with her, she called to offer me the position. That same evening, the man called me: “Congratulations! I trust you’ll do a great job. Don’t let me down.”

I was overjoyed and didn’t know how to react. The offer was excellent, and the job was exactly what I wanted. I visited his office the next day to thank him. He said, “Just go there and do your best. Whatever happens, let me know if you need anything.”

From that point on, we started communicating more frequently. He would send messages asking about my day, and I would reply, sharing how mine went and inquiring about his.

When it was time for me to find a place to live, he helped me again. He spoke to friends, and a few days later, I had fully paid accommodation for a year. I told him, “You’ve done so much already; you should have let me handle this one.” He replied, “You just started working. You can’t give everything to landlords. You should be on your feet after a year when this rent is up.”

I was puzzled. “Why would he do all this for me? Does he want something in return?” Then another part of my mind would argue, “He’s just a good man. Has he ever asked you for anything? Look how he speaks so highly of his wife. He doesn’t want you; he’s just helping because he cares.”

One day, I closed my eyes, and when I opened them, we were in a relationship.

I don’t recall him proposing or me saying yes. All I remember is one night he visited and stayed over. He said he needed a break from his wife to gather his thoughts. He asked, “Is it okay if I stay the night?” Without hesitation, I replied, “Why not? Make yourself comfortable.” I offered him something to eat, and after he showered, he lay next to me throughout the night. Nothing happened, but from that night on, we were officially in a relationship.

He visited often. Sometimes he brought his laptop and books, working quietly in the corner of the room. He rarely had time for anything emotional or sexual.

He provided for me. All I had to do was ask, and he would deliver. We could go an entire month without any sexual encounters, so one day I asked him, “Why do you need a girlfriend? Clearly, you don’t lack anything your wife can provide.” He replied, “I’ve been married for nearly thirty years. It gets boring sometimes, and one needs an escape.” I inquired, “Does your wife cause you any worry?” He said no. “Is she a good wife?” He affirmed. “Is there something she doesn’t do that you wish she would?” He answered, “She doesn’t know when to let me be.” “But have you told her you need some space?” “I did once, and she accused me of treating her like a second-class citizen in her own home.”

No matter how good it gets, guilt eventually creeps in. Someone with my conscience can never shake off the feeling of guilt. He was a good man who did so much for me, but deep down, I knew I didn’t deserve the time he spent with me. I thought about my future and whether I would be happy if another woman treated me this way. Obviously, I wouldn’t be happy, so I sought ways to alleviate my guilt.

Whenever he considered buying something significant for me, I subtly reminded him to prioritize his wife first. He decided to buy me a car. I hadn’t asked for it; he thought I needed one. For days, he talked about it and asked what kind of car I would like. I didn’t respond directly. Instead, I said, “Why don’t you change your wife’s car first?” He laughed and said, “Her car is relatively new; she got it five years ago, and I don’t think she needs another one.” I insisted, “Just surprise her.”

He bought me the car and later replaced his wife’s vehicle.

He took me to various places and introduced me to influential people. He confidently referred to me as his girlfriend, and these men didn’t seem surprised. I mean, a married man introducing another woman as his girlfriend should raise eyebrows, but they shook my hand and treated me like royalty. It was all fun, but my conscience wouldn’t let me rest, and I wasn’t brave enough to tell him to back off. I feared he might retaliate, so we continued until one day I received a strange call.

“You’re Melissa, right?”

“Who am I speaking with?”

“I’m the daughter of the man you’re involved with. I won’t say much, but please leave my father alone before I come after you, woman to woman.”

“There seems to be a misunderstanding. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Keep pretending, but if you know what’s good for you, you’ll stay away.”

Minutes later, the man called: “Don’t worry about what she said. I’ll handle it.” Before I could ask anything, he hung up. I didn’t hear from him for two days. His phones were off, and I was too scared to go to his office. He called one night around 11 PM, asking me to meet him the next day. When we met, he looked worried. He said, “My daughter found out about us, and that’s bad news. She’s capable of anything, so from now on, we’ll lay low. I won’t see you for a while until things settle down.”

I asked, “Does she know me personally? Has she seen a photo of me or anything?” He replied, “No. All she has is your number, which she took from my phone.” I suggested, “Let’s use this opportunity to right our wrongs. Let’s end this here. I’ll always be your girl because you’ve helped me a lot, but this can’t go on forever. At some point, it will have to end, so let’s stop now.”

He wasn’t pleased, but that was our only option.

He didn’t call for months, and I didn’t reach out either. Some days, I would check his WhatsApp status. He posted photos of himself and his wife on holiday. He looked happy, well-fed, and clean—like a man who had found unexpected joy in an unusual place. His wife was also smiling a lot in the pictures. I guessed they were happy, and things were going well for them.

Some days, I missed him and wanted to talk. I hoped he would call someday to explain why he took his daughter’s threat so seriously. I wanted to ask how it felt to be happy again in marriage. I haven’t been able to call him because it was a mutual decision to stay out of each other’s lives.

But most importantly, I’m glad he’s happy with the woman he married.

Melissa

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