Two Married Men Removed Their Wedding Rings

My wife is the type of woman who is never satisfied with the little things. She’s always seeking more. If I buy her a bicycle today, she might be impressed for a day, but by tomorrow, she’ll be asking for a car. When I remind her that I got her a bicycle just yesterday, she’ll respond, “That was yesterday. Each new day calls for new things.” She’s not a bad person; she manages our home well and is a good mother to our children. The only issue is her tendency to buy things on credit.

If only she could be more sensible with her spending, we could enjoy a happier life together.

When we got married, I wasn’t wealthy, but I promised to do my best to make her comfortable. She just needed to support me, as she was also working as a teacher. I loved her and tried to provide for her desires during our dating days. However, once we tied the knot, responsibilities increased, and I told her, “We have a household to manage now. The kids need to go to school, and we need to have dinner on the table. Let’s be frugal so we can give our children a better future.”

One day at church, I noticed her in a heated exchange with another woman. Concerned, I approached to find out what was happening. The woman accused my wife of buying clothes on credit and not paying for over three months, constantly making excuses. I inquired about the amount owed and sent her mobile money right then to resolve the issue.

One early morning, I was awakened by a loud commotion outside. I went out to find my wife arguing with another woman over money she owed. I didn’t have much cash that day, so I promised to pay her the next day, and she agreed to leave. The following day, I settled the debt in full.

One Sunday morning, just before we were to leave for church, I heard a knock at the door. When I opened it, a woman shouted, “Tell your lying wife to come out! She thinks she can fool me.” I asked how much she was owed, and it turned out to be nearly my entire monthly salary. I begged her for two days to settle it, and I eventually did.

After each encounter with her creditors, I would talk to my wife. “You already have plenty of the things you’re buying on credit, so why do you need more?” She replied, “When I look good, it reflects well on you. People see me and think, ‘Look at Hubert’s wife!’” I was furious and nearly lost my temper. “What nonsense is this? I never asked for glory! I wouldn’t care if you walked around naked. Don’t you feel ashamed when they come after you?”

A friend advised me, “You keep paying her debts, so she’ll continue buying on credit. Stop it and let them deal with her; she’ll learn.” The friend then whispered, “What if it’s a trick? What if she’s using her friends to get money from you?” I thought to myself, “My wife may have her flaws, but I doubt she would set me up like this.” Still, I decided to heed the first piece of advice and stopped paying.

When I returned home one day, I found a scene unfolding outside. I greeted the people and went inside. A couple of hours later, my wife arrived. I asked, “Didn’t you cook anything?” A woman came to my office one afternoon, claiming my wife had sent her to collect money from me. I asked what she had bought, and she replied, “She didn’t buy anything; she borrowed money from me.” I told her, “Then go collect your money from her. You didn’t come to me.”

Gradually, I became the husband whose wife owed money to everyone.

One Thursday evening, things escalated. A woman came to our house and publicly humiliated us in front of our children. I told my wife, “I’m not the only man married in this world.” I took off my ring and continued, “If you think I’m tied to your debts because of this, I’ve removed it. The next time someone comes here talking about what you owe, this marriage is over, and I mean it. What kind of embarrassment is this? What do you do with your salary? Who are you giving your money to?”

For over three months, I didn’t wear my ring, and during that time, no one came to me claiming my wife owed them anything. I could finally breathe easily, hoping that no one would come around again.

—Hubert, Nigeria

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If Fafa had accepted my proposal, she would have been the girl I married. I loved her deeply, but she never gave me her heart. She was involved with a guy we all knew was irresponsible. She would cheat, and Fafa would find out, leading to anger, but two days later, they would be back together as if nothing had happened. I always hoped they would break up so I could have my chance. Despite the troubles they faced, including his infidelity and even physical abuse, they never separated.

After we finished school, life took us in different directions, presenting us with various challenges.

Two weeks before my wedding, I was at a bank when I felt a finger behind my ear. I turned around to see Fafa standing there, more beautiful than ever. It was a bank, so I couldn’t shout. I took her hand and pulled her outside, saying, “Fafa! What are you doing here?” She replied, “I should ask you that because this is where I work.” I explained that I was visiting my dad, but I would be returning to Accra in four days.

We exchanged contact information, and I spent the rest of my time in town with Fafa, either with her or talking on the phone or chatting on WhatsApp. I learned a lot about her, but the most pressing question was, “Who’s in your life now?” She said there was no one. From our conversations, I sensed I had a chance.

My wedding was approaching, but I was ready to fall for her all over again.

I proposed, and she asked for time to think it over. I wasn’t in a rush. After returning to Accra, I had my wedding while continuing to discuss the possibility of us being together. One day, she invited me over, asking me to pretend I was visiting my dad.

The following weekend, I visited her, making sure my wedding ring was off my finger. She mustn’t know I was married.

She accepted my proposal, and we celebrated. I spent three days there, pretending to be with my dad, though I only saw him once. I returned on other days to see her. In my mind, I thought, “If only you had said yes back then, we wouldn’t be here living a lie.” For six months, we maintained this secret relationship. She didn’t suspect anything, so she became more affectionate. My new marriage needed protection, so I started making excuses to distance myself. I reduced our meetings, cut back on our conversations, and began missing her calls.

One day, she said, “I thought this would work out, but with how things are going, I doubt we’ll last a year. You’re too busy, and the distance is ruining everything.” Gradually, she recognized the futility of our relationship and drifted away without any drama. We had been lovers for two years but had only seen each other a handful of times.

It wasn’t entirely my fault; we met at the wrong time.

—Martin

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