Why I Stopped Trying To Catch A Cheating Partner

May 13, 2020  
2 Comments on A Test For True Love  

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I attended junior high school with Amanda, and we continued on to the same senior high school. At university, we lived in the same hall and took several classes together. Throughout all the phases of my life, she has been by my side. While we didn’t pick berries together as kids, she would have been my huckleberry friend.  

After university, Amanda took charge of her parents’ businesses. She had always been wealthy, but stepping into that role made her both powerful and affluent. However, being rich and powerful didn’t guarantee her good men. I was there for her during her first heartbreak, which consumed her for days. She cried endlessly, feeling shattered.  

As we neared the end of our university years, she found another boyfriend who seemed perfect for her—calm, handsome, and treating her like she was the center of his universe. Unfortunately, that relationship didn’t last either. I wasn’t present when it ended, but when she faced the tough times, she reached out to me: “Ama, what did I do to deserve all these heartbreaks? I’ve always loved with everything I have, yet they all leave in the end.”  

I comforted her and urged her to stay strong for the arrival of her prince charming.  

Life has a sneaky way of drifting friends apart. There are no fights or quarrels; one day, you simply stop calling each other, and before you know it, years have passed. This happened to us as well. She became busy, and I was preoccupied with piecing my life together. We lost touch for nearly two years until one night, she called me…  

“Ama, I need you to do something for me.”  

“Tell me, I’ll do anything for you.”  

“There’s this guy in my life now. I love him, but I’m not sure about the vibe I’m getting from him.”  

“So, where do I fit in?”  

“I know it sounds silly and girlish, but that’s all I can think of right now.”  

“Silly and girlish? What do you mean?”  

“Listen, I feel like he’s not really into me. I think he’s after my money. I want to use you as bait.”  

I understood her intentions. I had my doubts, but you don’t say no to Amanda. Her heart desires what it desires, so I asked her to outline the plan. She said, “You’ll need to find a way to befriend him. Try to charm him. Make yourself likable and let’s see if he takes the bait.”  

It wasn’t an easy task for me, but I decided to give it a try.  

I sent him a friend request on Facebook, and he accepted shortly after. I messaged him, “That was quick! Thanks for adding me. I’ve seen some of your posts, and you seem very insightful. That’s the kind of content I enjoy on my timeline.” He replied, “Awww, thanks for the compliment! I’m glad to have you here too.”  

We exchanged a series of questions, and he asked me some in return. Before I logged off, he asked, “Can I have your number so we can continue our discussions offline?” I gave him my number, and a few minutes later, he called. “Hey, this is Ato. I’m just checking to see if you gave me the right number.” I laughed and replied, “Why would I do that?”  

Later that day, I updated Amanda on our progress. She said, “Did you see how quickly he asked for your number? He’s a cheat!” I replied, “Let’s not jump to conclusions just yet. He seems like someone who enjoys meaningful conversations. That’s probably why he wanted my number. Let’s see how it unfolds.” She responded, “He’ll disappoint you, trust me. He doesn’t seem genuine.”  

Initially, our conversations were just casual greetings. Some days he would call to ask about my day, and other nights he would wish me a good night. Occasionally, he would inquire about my plans for the day. Nothing serious—just friendly exchanges. I kept Amanda updated with screenshots of our chats, and sometimes she suggested questions for me to ask him. For about a month, we didn’t gather any solid evidence against him. Amanda proposed we escalate our approach, and we did.  

One weekend, I asked him if he was free to hang out. He replied, “I’ve been wanting to ask you, but I didn’t want to seem pushy. Sure! Just pick a place and time, and I’ll be there.”  

That evening, while I was with him, Amanda called to ask where he was. He said, “I’m out with friends, but not too far from home.” She inquired about who his friends were, and he replied, “Oh, just some guy friends and their girlfriends. Just hanging out.”  

After he hung up, I asked, “Was that your girlfriend?” He said, “Yeah, she’s the jealous type, so I didn’t want to tell her the truth. I’m sorry about that.” I smiled and said, “No need to apologize. I’m just surprised you have a girlfriend. You never mentioned her, so I assumed you were single.” He sighed deeply and said, “I don’t talk about her much because our relationship is on and off. Some days she’s affectionate, and other days she acts like the world is ending.”  

“Do you love her?”  

“Yeah, I do, but I’m not sure if she feels the same way.”  

“Why not sit down with her and share your feelings? Maybe she’s not getting the right vibe from you. You know how women are.”  

“I try, but she’s insecure about something. Maybe she thinks I’m after her money.”  

That night’s conversation shifted my perspective on him, but I wasn’t sure how to address the issue. Both of them seemed confused about something they needed to discuss.  

When I got home, I sent Amanda a voice recording of our conversation. After listening, she said, “Awww, I’m touched. He’s a solid guy. It’s unfortunate I’m jeopardizing our relationship with my insecurities. I see where the problem lies now. He was honest with you. I’m the one being insecure and overly protective. I know what to do now. Let’s abort the mission. There’s no need for it anymore.”  

The mission was called off. I was glad I could help, but more importantly, I was happy for both of them. They were good people who deserved each other. I asked Amanda, “Should I expect a wedding invitation soon?” She replied, “Not too soon, but trust me, it won’t be long.”  

My job was done. I tried to communicate with Ato less frequently. I intentionally missed his calls and left most of his messages unread. I made excuses about being busy with work and relationship issues. I wanted him to back off without directly telling him, but somehow, he didn’t take the hint. He kept reaching out, and I kept brushing him off.  

I didn’t hear much from Amanda, but I assumed she was happy.  

One morning, I noticed Ato had called. I answered, sensing he had something important to share. Throughout the conversation, I kept asking, “Do you have something to tell me?” He finally said, “You’re drifting away, and I feel I need to tell you what’s on my mind before it’s too late. Since the day we met, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. I think I’m in love with you. I couldn’t tell you before because of my girlfriend. I ended that relationship a couple of months ago. She wasn’t right for me. Now feels like the right time to share my feelings.”  

Wow!  

I was taken aback, and for a moment, I was silent on the phone, unsure of how to respond. I finally said, “Can I call you back? Don’t worry; when I do, we’ll continue this conversation.”  

I called Amanda. Her voice didn’t indicate she was going through a breakup or had recently experienced one. I asked, “How’s Ato? Are you two getting closer to the altar?” She laughed and said, “We’re not close to the altar yet, but we’re stronger than before. We had a deep conversation where we both agreed on the direction of our relationship, and since then, things have been wonderful between us.”  

Wow!  

After hanging up, I called Ato. “Listen, I only wanted to be your friend, and it’s been worthwhile. I don’t want anything more with you. I’m happily committed to a wonderful man and have no intention of cheating, so please remove me from your thoughts and dreams. Don’t call me again. You don’t have good intentions.”  

It was as if he didn’t hear me; he continued to call morning, noon, and night, sending me countless messages professing his love. I repeatedly warned him to stop, but some men interpret “stop” as “try harder,” so he persisted. One late night, I saw my picture on his WhatsApp status with the caption, “If the love is true, you keep fighting for it until you get a yes.”  

I messaged him, “Boy, delete that before I come after you. Do you think this is funny? Do you think love is a joke? Grow up!” His response was a series of poetic lyrics. When a guy believes he’s in love, he’ll say all sorts of foolish things.  

I didn’t want to involve Amanda, but at this point, I felt I had no choice. I took screenshots of all our conversations, including the WhatsApp status, and sent them to her. She asked, “Are these old messages?” I replied, “Please check the date.”  

I didn’t hear from her again until late that night when she called, “You see, my suspicions have been confirmed? I started noticing red flags after your encounter with him, but I ignored them based on your findings. But here we are again. They can be charming and cunning, but they often have ulterior motives.”  

Amanda ended the relationship that day, leaving him stressed, broken, and angry. A few days later, he messaged me, “How much were you paid to ruin our beautiful relationship?” I read the message and resisted the urge to respond. If something is beautiful to you, you nurture it. You cultivate it with trust so it can flourish into love. You don’t neglect what you love and expect it to thrive.  

Amanda got married last year, and I was there as one of her bridesmaids. When she sent me the wedding invitation, I jokingly asked, “Who is this man you’re marrying? Why didn’t you let me test him too? That’s so unfair.” We shared a good laugh. She replied, “After him, I didn’t waste time on guys who gave me bad vibes. If my instincts didn’t align with them, I let them go. But this one was different from the start. He didn’t need to prove anything; his actions spoke for themselves.”  

—Ama Aidoo  
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