The White Briefs Betrayal That Destroyed Our Marriage

When we were dating, I discovered two fundamental things about my husband. First, he struggles with lying, so he tends to avoid discussing topics that might lead him to do so. Second, he dislikes wearing white briefs, which he only donned to impress me during our courtship.

He seemed to believe that white briefs made men look clean and well-groomed, though I have no idea where he got that notion.

Two years into our marriage, he began traveling frequently due to a new job role that required him to be away often. He would travel at least twice a month, usually spending weekends at his destination.

On one of his trips, he returned with two pairs of used white briefs, which set off alarm bells for me, given my understanding of their significance. Strangely, he never wore them at home; he only packed them for his trips.

I understood the implication but lacked concrete evidence, so I decided to investigate.

I’m not typically the jealous type; I rarely question his actions or his late-night phone usage. He deserves his privacy, and I respect that. However, this time, something felt off, and I suspected he was misusing that privacy.

After several unsuccessful attempts, I finally struck gold one day. I sat next to him while he entered his phone password and easily memorized it—it was his birth date.

Whenever he went to bed, I would sift through his phone, checking messages on WhatsApp, Messenger, SMS, and even his Twitter inbox. After a week of searching, I found nothing. A month passed without any leads, and I considered giving up, but my intuition urged me to keep looking.

Then I hit the jackpot. He wasn’t messaging the girl through any of the usual apps; he was communicating with her via email. I discovered her name—Abena—and where she worked. As I scrolled through the attached files, my heart shattered.

Nudes! He was sending intimate photos to her, and she reciprocated. I cried and couldn’t sleep that night. The next morning, my eyes were red and swollen, and when he asked about it, I lied.

On my way to work, I sent Abena a friend request on Facebook, and by the time I arrived, she had accepted. A few minutes later, I messaged her, expressing my delight in becoming friends and my eagerness to engage more.

A month later, we had become good friends on Facebook and even planned to meet for drinks, which she canceled at the last minute. Throughout this time, I monitored her conversations with my husband, and it became clear that she was unaware of his marriage. He kept promising her marriage and whispering sweet nothings that infuriated me.

Eventually, I met Abena. I didn’t want to beat around the bush, so I laid it all out: “I know you’re seeing Kojo, and I have news for you.”

Her demeanor shifted instantly, her expression changing from smiles to shock, then confusion. “How did you know about him? Did he send you to me?” she asked. I replied, “No, I found out through the emails you’ve been exchanging.”

Her surprise deepened. “Are you the girlfriend?” she inquired. I pulled my rings from my bag and placed them on the table. “I’m not the girlfriend; I’m the wife.” She grew uneasy, struggling to find her words. “But Kojo never told me he was married. Please understand, I had no idea.”

She was visibly distressed and scared. I needed to reassure her, “I know everything. Don’t feel the need to explain. I’ve read all the messages and know what he has told you and what he hasn’t. I’m just here to share the truth so you can decide what to do.”

She broke down in tears, overwhelmed with emotion. I couldn’t tell if she was upset to learn that her sweet Kojo had a wife or if she was distressed about being caught. After a few minutes of sobbing, she stood up, thanked me, and said, “I know what to do.”

In the following days, we discussed our next steps and how to proceed with our plan. She kept sending me screenshots of her conversations with my husband, and as usual, he continued to lie to her, promising marriage and claiming he would introduce her to his parents on his next visit. It pained me, but I had to maintain my composure.

One early Saturday morning, Kojo began packing for a trip, telling me a colleague had died and that they would need to stay overnight due to the long journey. Once again, he packed those white briefs.

Minutes after he left, I followed him.

A few hours later, Abena messaged me: “He’s here.” I replied, “I’m almost there too.”

Honestly, I didn’t know what I was doing. My mind was flooded with questions as I headed to confront my cheating husband. I wondered, “What will I do after I catch him?” One thing was clear: I wasn’t going to divorce him. I was certain of that. But if I wasn’t going to divorce him, why was I going through all this trouble to catch him?

The answer eluded me, but something felt right about my actions.

I arrived at Abena’s place and walked in…

There he was, lying on the bed in his shiny white briefs. He jumped up as soon as he saw me, exclaiming, “What are you doing here?”

He frantically searched for his pants, repeatedly muttering, “Oh shit.” I watched as he made a fool of himself. Abena stood at the doorway, arms crossed, as if to block his escape. We both silently observed his frantic display.

He knelt and began apologizing to me, “Please, please, please, it won’t happen again. I’m sorry.” Abena interjected, “Don’t you think I deserve an apology too?” But he wouldn’t even glance at her, focusing solely on me. He seemed to believe Abena had set him up and thus didn’t owe her anything.

I turned to Abena and apologized to her. I hugged her and walked out the door. He chased after me, shirt in hand, like a child running after his mother, continuously repeating his apologies. I remained silent. He turned back, presumably to grab his belongings from Abena’s room, as I headed toward the station to catch a ride home.

I moved in with my parents, still uncertain about what to do next. He came by daily to apologize and asked my parents to support his pleas for forgiveness. My parents, especially my mom, were convinced he had changed and urged me to reconsider my decision and return home.

I wanted to go back, as I was unsure how to process the entire situation. I wasn’t angry; I was just confused. However, I believed that with time, my confusion would fade, and I would find happiness again as Kojo’s wife.

Then one morning, three weeks after the incident, Abena sent me a message: “I just found out I’m pregnant. Don’t tell him; I’ll be fine.”

It felt like lightning struck me. My mind went blank, and I suddenly lost my balance. “What!” I shouted. Everything else hurt less than the news of the pregnancy. “What!”

I went to my mother and said, “I know what to do now. I’m not going back. My life will be better without him.” I shared the pregnancy news with her. She relayed it to my dad, and they both agreed that I should reconsider my decision and take my time to make a final choice, assuring me they would support me.

I called Abena. Her voice was lifeless—dull, contemplative, confused. I asked, “Have you thought about what to do regarding the pregnancy?” She replied, “I haven’t thought about anything yet, but I’m calm about it and believe everything will work out in the end.”

She asked, “Have you two settled your issues?” I responded, “Yeah, everything is settled. I’m leaving him tomorrow.”

The next day, Abena confronted him about the pregnancy in a threatening manner. A few hours later, I called him to inform him that I had decided not to return to his life.

I had always been told that men are strong, but after speaking to Kojo that day, my perception changed. The news shattered him like a house of cards. He began crying and begging me not to hurt him, promising to improve his behavior and claiming he had learned his lesson and become a better man. But I knew it was over.

I left him and found a sister in Abena. Ultimately, Abena chose not to have the child. She explained, “The complications surrounding the baby’s story would be difficult to explain if someday the child grew up and asked why they didn’t have a father.” I understood her decision.

I’m grateful to share this story today, and Abena is happy too. I know she’s happy because she’s now my sister.

- Debbie
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