Some Hearts Cannot Be Saved From Love

When I confessed my love to her, she replied, “No. We can only be friends.” I spent countless days trying to convey the depth of my feelings. We went on several dates, and after each one, I reiterated my love for her.

Weeks later, she sent me a message: “I understand your feelings and I trust your heart. Please give me some time to sort things out. My life isn’t in the best shape right now. Let me smooth out the rough edges, and I’ll return with good news.” I asked, “What should I do in the meantime? Can I call or visit you?” She replied, “We can be everything, just don’t bring up your proposal.”

Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months. She still hadn’t said anything. The uncertainty was maddening. I was with her, yet I had no idea what we were. Two months later, I broached the topic again. She snapped, “Didn’t we agree not to discuss it until I was ready? Can’t you wait?” She was clearly upset. “I was considering saying no all along, but I wanted to see how patient you could be. Since you can’t wait without bringing it up, the answer is still no. Let’s just be friends.”

Let’s just be friends…

I was okay with being friends; I just wanted clarity about our future. I didn’t want to cling to false hope, believing she might eventually say yes, only to be met with a no later. The decision was made. We were friends. I began treating her like I did my other friends. Our communication dwindled; she would only say hi when she found something amusing on my WhatsApp status or wanted me to send her something. That was fine; after all, we were friends.

Four months later, she called me. “Do you still feel the same way you did a few months ago? Because I think I’m in love with you now. If your feelings haven’t changed, I’m ready to say yes.” The suddenness of it all left me speechless. I paused on the phone, and she kept asking, “Are you still in love with me?” I finally replied, “This is so unexpected that I don’t know what to say. What changed? Why the sudden shift?”

She explained, “Nothing changed. I told you I had some issues to resolve in my life. Everything is fine now, and I believe I’m ready to love you.” I asked, “So my impatience doesn’t matter anymore?” She clarified, “That wasn’t the issue. I just needed space to think, and you were pushing me, so I said that to create distance.”

Honestly, I still loved her. I hadn’t met anyone else during our time apart, and I couldn’t shake her from my mind, despite my efforts. What puzzled me was the abruptness of her change of heart. It felt as if she had said yes to someone else, and when that didn’t work out, she wanted to settle for me. Being a second choice in a relationship is disheartening. You become the fallback when their first choice is unavailable. In my culture, we call it sapɔfuno. They only seek you out when everything else fails. I wasn’t willing to be her consolation.

She mentioned needing to smooth out some edges, but when I asked what those were, she replied, “They’re personal. I’d rather not discuss them.” I told her, “I genuinely love you. I want you in my life, and nothing has changed, but this is all very sudden for me. Please give me some time to process everything.”

She began calling me daily, accusing me of not loving her enough: “If you truly loved me, why are you hesitating? If I had said yes the first time, you wouldn’t have taken me seriously.” “You’re wasting time. What if someone else comes into my life tomorrow and I say yes to him?” She acted as if I was taking forever to respond, but it had only been four days. I tolerated her impatience; it didn’t bother me because I knew what I wanted.

A week later, I told her, “Why not? Let’s give love a chance.” After all, it doesn’t hurt to try.

She was thrilled, and I was too. We began going on dates and discussing our future together. I noticed she was excited about the future, so we talked about it more. One night after a date, things heated up. We started kissing, and as my hands began to explore, she suddenly pulled back and asked, “What are you trying to do?”

I wasn’t in the mood for a conversation, so I continued. She resisted and exclaimed, “No…no…no, stop! What are we doing?”

I replied, “If you’re not ready for that, fine, but don’t ask me what I’m doing because you know where this is headed.” She questioned, “Is this all about sex?” “What do you mean?” I asked. She responded, “You’re moving too fast. It feels like you’re only after sex.” I assured her, “No, I’m not just after sex. I’m in this for you. This is just passion.”

That’s when she began laying down the rules…

“Rule number one, blah blah blah. Rule number two, blah blah blah. Rule number three, which is very important: we’re not having sex until we’re married. You guys hide behind love just to seek sex. After that, you act as if nothing else matters.”

You guys?

“You know my name. I’m not ‘you guys,’ so what are you talking about?”

“You guys are all the same. You get what you want and then disappear.”

“You really think I’d waste my time with you just for sex?”

“That’s what you all say. If you truly love me, waiting until marriage shouldn’t be an issue.”

“Someone had sex with you and then left?”

“It happens all the time. My friends talk about it. I’ve read about it, and I see it happen frequently.”

“I don’t mind waiting until we’re married, but the way you’re saying it makes me feel like you’re punishing me for someone else’s actions. I’m not the one who had sex with you and left. My name is Kwakye.”

We agreed on no sex until marriage. After all, love is about more than that; you love someone with or without sex, tel est l’amour!

We were happy. All rules were followed, and we spent a year together without hurting each other. However, one thing puzzled me: her mood swings. She could become upset for no apparent reason. During those times, she wouldn’t talk to me, answer my calls, or even want to see me. It happened so often that I grew accustomed to it, but one day it escalated.

She cried for days and refused to eat, only typing away on her phone. Nothing I said could coax her into opening up. This made me anxious, so I began asking her friends for insight. Some advised, “Leave her; that’s just how she is.” Others were silent, but one was kind enough to tell me, “I’m sharing this because I believe if you know the truth, you can help save her. She’s still involved with that boy. I don’t know what she sees in him, but no matter how badly he treats her, she keeps going back.”

That boy…who is he?

I learned that my proposal had been delayed because of him. She was entangled in another relationship, and I was left to deal with the fallout. He had been the puppet master of her emotions, controlling her mood swings. They had been together for years, but nothing seemed to work, and she was afraid to let go. I realized she was using me as a buffer for the times her heart was breaking.

I confronted her, and she opened up. I listened as she shared her story—one of abuse, rejection, and unrequited love. I asked, “So you think keeping me around while he’s still in the picture will help you heal? We’ve been together for a year, and you still run back to him?”

Seeing her so downcast and drained affected me deeply. I had come to love her. She was a good person caught in a storm of confusion. She needed help to escape the emotional turmoil she was experiencing. Perhaps that was why she chose me; she needed support, and I was willing to provide it.

I asked her, “Do you love me?” She replied, “Yes, I do. You’re a good person, and I would love to be with you. I’m just confused right now. Please give me some time. I’ll sort this out.” I offered to help her. “Whatever you need, just tell me.” She said, “I just need you to be there for me. I’m walking away this time and won’t look back.”

I stood by her through it all. I was there when she fought the urge to call him. I supported her as she struggled not to answer his calls. It wasn’t easy for her, but I recognized her efforts and encouraged her. In that moment, I didn’t see myself as her boyfriend; I saw myself as a friend wanting the best for her.

She went an entire month without contacting him. She blocked him on WhatsApp and Facebook. Three months later, she declared herself ready to love again. I told her, “You need more time for yourself. Discover who you are and what you truly want. If it’s me, then why not?”

She was convinced she was okay and believed I was the one for her. We continued our story as she closed the chapter with that guy. She felt secure enough to introduce me to her parents as her partner. My parents already knew her and adored her. After two years together, I suggested we start planning for marriage. She was thrilled and began discussing where to begin.

A few months later, I discovered she was still communicating with that guy. I read their messages. They had been in contact for a long time without my knowledge. She confided in him about me and why she couldn’t love me as honestly as I loved her. He responded, “You and I were meant to be together, and no one can come between us.”

That was when I realized some people cannot be saved. You see them drowning, and you try to help, but before you know it, they’ve pulled you down with them. That day, I decided I wouldn’t drown with her. When I confronted her with the messages, she said, “I’m sorry; there’s nothing I could do. He came back. I didn’t know how to tell you.”

I looked at her, regretting the years I had wasted trying to win her heart. I felt sadness for her, but anger at myself for believing I could change her mind. I told her, “It’s good to know you’re back. I wish you well this time.”

I walked away, my heart racing as if I might collapse. I felt lost and uncertain about my next steps. I had lost a battle against an opponent who wasn’t even fighting; he merely had to show up to win, and that wounded my pride. I was heartbroken for days, but gradually, I healed. Today, I share this story with pride, knowing I did my best for the one I loved, but she simply couldn’t save herself to be loved better.

I moved forward and discovered someone deserving of my love—Sandra. She reciprocated my feelings with an intensity that made me feel like the center of her universe. We didn’t hesitate; we got engaged and married shortly after. Life is wonderful, and love is even sweeter.

What about her?

I’m not aware of much about her current life, but wherever she may be and whoever she’s with, I hope they find happiness.

Kwakye,

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