He Lied About Children, I Chose My Freedom True Story

Before we tied the knot, I made it a point to learn everything about him. I understood his aspirations and what he envisioned for his future. I was aware that he had a son a five-year-old boy from a previous relationship with a woman he once loved. He confided in me, saying, “That boy is a mistake from my youth. He arrived when I wasn’t ready for a child. He’s here now, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

Once we were married, my primary focus was to have children as soon as possible so I could settle down and pursue other dreams. However, he advised me, “There’s no need to rush. Where are we hurrying to? Let’s take our time and enjoy our marriage before we think about kids.”

He made a lot of sense.

You know how men are they often want to enjoy their wives’ company without the distractions of children for as long as possible. So, I asked him, “For how long?” He replied, “We can use the next two years to get our lives in order, save for our future, and plan thoroughly before kids come.”

I trusted his intentions and committed to his plan. I started family planning injections to prevent any accidental pregnancies. I didn’t want my child to be labeled as an accident.

Before long, the two years passed, and we began trying to conceive. We spent an entire year attempting, but without success. There were many ups and downs, but we persevered, taking medication and visiting the doctor as often as we could.

One night, he said to me, “My son is growing, and it would be unfortunate for him to grow up without my influence. He’s a mistake my mistake, not his. I urge you to let him live with us so we can all grow as one family.” Once again, I was swayed by his sincere intentions. I replied, “If his mother has no objections, then why not? Bring him in.”

The boy moved in with us. I was honest in raising him, providing nothing but motherly love and ensuring he had the best environment to thrive.

However, things weren’t perfect. I was still struggling to conceive. It had been three years since we started, and I had nothing to show for it. Doctors assured us that we were both medically sound, yet we hadn’t been able to conceive.

I became anxious. The emotional toll affected me, and I started losing weight rapidly. I sought reassurance from my husband, wanting him to understand my struggles and appreciate my concerns. One night, I broached the topic with him, and what he said nearly shattered me: “Gina, stop worrying about this pregnancy issue. It’s not your fault; I actually don’t want kids between us. I’m making sure it doesn’t happen.”

“Are you serious?” I asked, incredulous. “How could you do this to me? Why didn’t we discuss this beforehand? No, that’s not what we agreed upon!”

He responded, “I didn’t want to tell you this, but given the emotional turmoil you’re experiencing, I feel I must. I can’t have children. It’s a personal choice.”

I told him he was being selfish. He had a son, after all, but what about me? Isn’t it natural for me to want my own child? He insisted and tried to convince me to see things his way. I had always considered his perspective, but not this time.

I confided in our pastor, but that didn’t help. “Is the pastor going to raise our kids? What does he have to do with our family issues?” He became angry, but I felt relieved. I wasn’t going to let him dictate my future. One day, I visited his parents and shared the news. They were more shocked than I was. His mother said, “Whenever I’ve brought up the topic, he claimed you two were trying hard to conceive.”

His parents did their best to intervene, expressing their thoughts, but he was unwilling to change his mind. I was left to decide what to do with my life. Before making any decisions, I wanted to have a deeper conversation with him to ensure I was making the right choice.

So, one night, I asked him, “You seem so certain about your reasons for not wanting a child, but you haven’t given me any solid explanation. Why don’t you want to?” He replied…

“You are my family, and I’m content with that. Children will hold us back. They’ll be the reason you can’t progress in life. Once they arrive, every decision has to consider them. I can’t do that. I would fail. I blame my father for many things, and I know this boy we’re raising will grow up and blame me for not being a good father. I can’t lie to you; I don’t want to spend the next twenty-something years raising children. You are enough!”

He tried to appeal to my emotions, but I saw through his words. They felt hollow. I wasn’t going to accept that. So, I told him, “Eventually, I’m going to leave this marriage. I can’t continue like this, trust me.”

I was thirty-one and had been married for five years. I felt I had wasted my youth on a man who didn’t understand me. Yet, I was scared to leave. I feared I wouldn’t find another man if I did. I felt old and unworthy of love—love that would make me a wife.

I held onto hope, and that hope kept me with him day after day. But nothing changed. The only thing that kept changing was my age. At thirty, still childless, I decided enough was enough. One day, while he was at work, I moved out. He called that evening, asking where I was and why I had taken all my things.

I told him I wasn’t coming back. “I’m initiating a divorce very soon. It’s over,” I said. He thought I was merely threatening him to change his mind, believing I would return to him. He was mistaken. At that moment, even if he promised to change, I wouldn’t have reconsidered. Deep down, I knew it was over.

It’s been three years since our divorce. I haven’t been with another man, but I’m grateful every day for the strength to leave him. Now, I can have a child with whoever I choose. Even if I don’t end up marrying them, I can still have a child to call my own.

-Georgina  
Do you have any relationship experiences to share? Email it to editorial@etechx.co.ke

Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed this, please hit the share button to help others see it. You can also like our Facebook page to stay updated on new posts.

NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG.