My Girlfriend's Love For Food Is Becoming A Problem

On our first date, she remarked, “I really love food. I hope that doesn’t bother you?” Some women claim to enjoy food but don’t actually eat much. They mistakenly believe their idea of ‘too much’ aligns with the world’s standards. They might consume a small portion and still think it’s excessive because that’s their personal definition. So, when she expressed her love for food, I replied, “Who doesn’t enjoy food? We all eat to survive.” She nodded and said something like, “I’m glad you get that.”

At that point, she wasn’t officially my girlfriend, but I sensed she would soon agree to be. She was stunning, and it wasn’t just me saying it; everyone I introduced her to remarked, “You have a very beautiful girlfriend. Take good care of her.” She was aware of her beauty, yet it hadn’t gone to her head, which I found endearing. She was down-to-earth, sociable, and easily connected with my friends. You could introduce someone to her, and moments later, they’d be chatting like old friends.

When she first agreed to visit me, she said, “I hope there’s food at your place. If not, let me know, and I’ll pick up some things so we can cook together.” I had nothing at home, so I sent her money to buy whatever she thought would make her visit enjoyable.

She arrived with a variety of groceries, drinks, and snacks. Just ten minutes after settling in, she suggested, “Let’s cook something.” I joined her in the kitchen as she prepared two different stews, cooked rice, and later made banku. We started with some rice, but two hours later, she asked, “Aren’t you hungry?” I replied, “I’m fine; I’m still full.” She went to the fridge and returned with a drink and biscuits. A few minutes later, she asked again, “Are you not hungry?” I insisted, “No, I’m good.” She then brought me a ball of banku and a generous serving of stew.

She kept eating and chatting. Around 5 PM, I finally felt hungry. As I stood up to serve myself, she said, “I’m here; let me get your food.” When she returned with my meal, I exclaimed, “That’s too much! I can’t eat all of that.” She replied, “That’s why I’m here to help.” Honestly, she ended up eating more than I did. What she said about loving food began to make sense. By the time she left that evening, we had no rice or drinks left, just one ball of banku remaining.

When you love someone, you accept their flaws, so I never complained. Not that I had much to complain about; she was mostly forgiving and played her role as a girlfriend so well that my affection for her only grew. The only concern was her eating habits, so I started to bring it up subtly. One day, I joked, “With the way you eat, if you start gaining weight, we won’t be able to carry you!” She laughed, “Me? Gain weight? God made me perfectly. I can eat anything and stay the same size. Since we started dating, have you noticed any change? That’s God’s miracle, so let me enjoy.”

Then things began to escalate. Some issues can be managed privately, but once they become public, they can turn problematic. We attended a wedding together, a colleague’s reception that featured a buffet. When she reached the food table, she decided to take a little of everything, ending up with a mountain of food that required her to walk slowly to avoid spilling it.

Everyone was watching her, but she didn’t seem embarrassed at all. That day was the first time I felt frustrated by her eating habits. I told her, “You could have taken a smaller portion and gone back for more if you were still hungry.” She replied, “What if I go back and it’s all gone? Better safe than sorry.” Anyone who thought she would leave food on her plate was mistaken. She devoured everything and sat back as if she hadn’t eaten at all.

On the drive home, I stayed silent. She tried to engage me in conversation, but I remained calm until we arrived. She asked, “Are you upset about something?” I said, “You love food, but could you not showcase it for everyone to see?” She responded, “But I didn’t show off. I just got my food and went to my table. How is that showing off?” We went back and forth until she finally said, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. It won’t happen again.”

I took her at her word. We attended another wedding together, and while I was busy with friends, I kept an eye on her during the food service. She joined the line, got served, and sat down. Minutes later, I noticed she was missing from her table. I looked over and saw her in line again. She got served and returned to her seat. I approached her and whispered, “It’s one serving per person. Why did you go back?” That day, she got upset and left the reception without me.

When we’re on public transport, she’ll buy yogurt, plantain chips, and ‘bofrot’ at every stop. She never seems to tire of eating. Despite this, she’s a good person, and I don’t want to let her eating habits jeopardize our relationship. I want this to work. I need to find a way to discuss her cravings without making her defensive. I spoke with a female colleague at work, who said, “She’s young; that’s why she doesn’t understand. As she matures, she’ll realize the need to moderate.”

She’s twenty-three, and I don’t think that’s too young to grasp that “eating too much is not good.” How can I approach this topic so she won’t get upset and resist the conversation?

–Ntim

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