I Left With My Kids And Never Looked Back

One evening, my older brother called me. Prior to the call, he had sent a text urging me to inform my wife about my plans. I had already told him that I wouldn’t disclose anything until I left Ghana. So, that evening's call was a follow-up to our earlier text exchange. He said, “Wanting to leave Ghana with your kids isn’t a bad idea. Here in the UK, they can access numerous opportunities, which is a valid reason to leave. But you should tell your wife. It doesn’t matter if you plan to divorce her later; she’s the mother of your children, the same kids you want to take with you. So why not just tell her?”

I asked, “And then what happens if I do?” He replied, “I’m not sure what comes next, but I believe it’s the right thing to do. You two will always be connected because of the kids, so it’s better not to worsen things before trying to improve them. Just tell her.” I responded, “Let me think it over. I might, but for now, my decision stands.”

He called me daily to see if I had changed my mind. Each time, I told him I hadn’t. Eventually, he called my mother and shared everything. You know how mothers can amplify your worries. She asked, “So you were planning to leave with your kids without telling me?” I replied, “No, I intended to tell you eventually, just not yet.” She pressed, “Why are you planning to sneak away with the kids without informing their mother? Are you trying to steal your own children?”

I explained everything to her, detailing the pain I had endured in my marriage. I thought she would support me, but she said, “What you’ve described is nothing new. It’s part of marriage. Ask your dad if I haven’t hurt him before. Call him and ask. I’ve hurt him many times. If he had left me, you might not even be here planning to divorce someone else’s daughter. I support your desire to travel, but make sure to set things right at home before you go.”

Before I knew it, my dad was also in the loop. He called me early one morning, and I had to step outside, holding the phone between my ear and shoulder. He said, “I’m a man, and I’m not pleased with how your wife has treated you. If my wife did the same to me, I might have divorced her too, but there’s no way I would plan something as drastic as what you’re about to do. I’m giving you two days; if you don’t tell her, I will come and tell her myself. Men don’t run away; they confront their problems head-on.”

He gave me two days, but it took me two weeks to finally tell her. I said, “Joshua found an opportunity for me and the kids to travel to the UK. We’re making arrangements. Once the Covid situation improves and the borders open, I’ll be leaving for the UK with the kids.” She asked, “What kind of opportunity is that? An opportunity that doesn’t include me? Why didn’t Joshua include me?” I replied, “I don’t know. Maybe it’s a financial issue, or perhaps the terms don’t allow both parents to travel.”

She insisted, “If it’s about money, I can pay. You need to get the details because you can’t leave me here. Who will take care of the kids when you go with them?”

She continued to ramble while I listened. She asked, “Should I call Joshua myself, or will you?” I didn’t respond to that. The next day, I called Joshua and told him I had discussed it with her. He asked, “She didn’t mind you leaving with the kids?” I said, “No, she didn’t. But she wants to come with us. She said she’ll call you.” He replied, “Eish, this woman! Anyway, now that she knows, you can do what you want, and I’m glad she didn’t object.”

Every morning, she would ask about the travel plans: “Are we going together? Has Joshua said anything? I’m the woman. Why don’t I go with them first and come back for you later?” I said, “Relax, the pandemic is still ongoing. We can’t do anything right now.”

Suddenly, she became very interested in everything happening in the UK, monitoring the situation like an analyst. I don’t know what made her think I needed to hear updates from her. And guess what? She started acting like a good wife. She called me “darling” and prepared my meals, serving them in a special way. Previously, I had been the one serving myself. When our prepaid ran out, she took her purse and went out to buy a top-up without asking me for money.

Out of nowhere, she transformed into a supportive wife, providing financial assistance and comfort without being prompted. Her pretense only infuriated me more, but she believed she was doing the right thing. We continued living together, hoping and praying for the right moment to come. In May, we resumed the travel process. I told her, “Joshua said I need to go with the kids first to make it easier for you to join us later.” She asked, “How long will it take for me to join you after you leave?” I replied, “Not too long. He said he’ll do everything possible to help you join us.”

When the time came, I traveled with the kids and left her behind. I knew I wouldn’t return to the marriage the moment we departed. Deep down, I had lost the love, friendship, passion, and everything that had once made me marry her. When my brother asked, “So what now?” I told him, “I’m done.” He said, “You have plenty of time to think it through before making a final decision. But if I were you, I’d leave things as they are. After all, you’re not together anymore, so she can’t hurt you.”

As for my parents, they made it clear that divorce was not an option, but I know that when the time comes and I tell them I’m not marrying again, they’ll support me. Right now, I’m focused on finding my own footing. That’s what matters most to me. Once I step out from under my brother’s shadow, I’ll break the news to her.

–Baffour

Do you have any relationship experiences to share? Email it to editors@etechx.co.ke

NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG.