Trusted Mentor Turned Heartbreaking Betrayal

Dear Ben,

I was in a dark place when I met you. Just a week before our conversation, I experienced the hardest breakup of my life. A guy I had been with for five years left me without explanation. I tried everything, but he simply said no. He told me, “It’s not about you. It’s about me. You’re a great girl that any man would be proud to have, but right now, my life is a mess. I need to be alone and get it back on track before I can think about a relationship.” I wanted to wait for him, but he insisted he wanted to be on his own.

This letter should have been addressed to him, not you. He was the one I had invested the most time in, the one who hurt me the deepest. However, I’m writing to you because of the situation we both found ourselves in.

When I came to you in tears, I felt you were mature enough to help me heal. Sure, I had other friends I could have turned to. There was Fiifi, who, despite being intelligent, rarely listened and was quick to judge, which is why I didn’t go to him. I could have reached out to Edem, but even while I was in a relationship, he tried to sleep with me. I didn’t want to give him the chance to take advantage of me. He wasn’t the only one; almost all my male friends at some point wanted to undress me. I enjoyed their company and opened up to them in ways I didn’t with my female friends, but they all seemed to have ulterior motives.

That’s why I avoided them when I was hurting. I chose you because you were married, and I felt safe around you, trusting you wouldn’t cheat on your wife. I saw you both at church every Sunday, and you became my relationship goal. The way you respected her and looked at her with admiration was undeniable. You two seemed perfect, which is why I turned to you. I wanted you to help me recognize men like you when I encountered them. So when I said, “I need your help,” I was hoping you could teach me how to distinguish the genuine from the predatory. My heart was aching, and I needed someone as mature as you to guide me through it.

And you did your best to help mend my broken heart. You said, “That’s how God works. It doesn’t matter how long you’re with someone; if it’s not God’s will, it won’t lead to marriage.” You advised me not to rush into another relationship until I was healed and encouraged me to view this as a learning experience. You shared many motivational thoughts that later found their way to my social media status. You were kind and considerate, and I recognized that your heart was in the right place.

Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months. Eventually, I healed from the pain that boy caused me. When he later wanted to come back into my life, I told you about it, and you said, “When they realize their absence couldn’t kill you, they come back to kill you with their presence.” I posted that on my WhatsApp and Facebook status, and many friends found it motivational. They shared and commented on it. I thought to myself, “Every woman needs a Benjamin to tell them this kind of truth.” You became my pride and role model, and I often expressed my admiration for you.

So what happened? What changed?

That late night when you messaged me saying you couldn’t sleep and wanted to talk, I was surprised but went along with it. I knew you meant no harm, and my heart was pure when I started singing you that silly lullaby to help you sleep. I asked about your wife, and you said, “That woman doesn’t care about me. All she cares about is herself.” That was the first time you spoke negatively about her. I brushed it off, but you continued to share everything that made her seem like a bad wife. I thought, “Why is Ben telling me all this?” You went on and concluded with, “If only I knew I would find someone like you, I would have waited.”

Ding Dong!…there went the warning bell.

You were becoming someone I never expected. “Find someone like me…?” How? Why? What changed? I should have walked away that day, but I felt indebted to you and didn’t want to seem ungrateful. So I stayed while you kept coming at me with new words, trying to make me your side chick. I should have left that day. I really should have, but I don’t know why I kept allowing you to say those inappropriate things to me. My mind knew the truth, but my heart—my foolish heart—always twisted the truth into something else. While my mind said no, my heart whispered, “Just give him a chance; remember, he’s the kind of man you’ve always wanted.” So that night, when you were in my room, I said yes. I must admit, I never expected you to be so skilled with your words and touches. You put all the guys I had ever dated to shame with how you treated me that night.

So I kept coming back. I craved more. You kept giving it to me and continued to be motivational with your words. Then the worst happened—I got pregnant. The first thing you said when I told you was, “You know we can’t keep it, right?” I replied, “Yeah, I know. We can’t.” Then you hung up. I called repeatedly, but you didn’t answer. You sent me a message saying, “My wife is here, so I can’t talk.” I suggested we chat, but you replied, “I’m busy right now; let’s talk tomorrow.”

I called the next day, and the day after that. I called again the following day. You didn’t respond. I texted, and you read it but didn’t reply. “Why is this guy trying to avoid me?” I thought. But I knew where to find you, so on Sunday, I sat in front of the church, hoping you would see me when you came to the altar. Just because you’re a church elder doesn’t mean you can run from your responsibilities. I noticed how uneasy you felt whenever our eyes met. I knew you were getting the message. After church, I rushed to you to talk, but you gave me the “I’m busy” excuse. I waited until I saw you standing with your wife. I approached and asked if I could speak with you for a moment. You were fortunate to oblige. If you had given me the “I’m busy” excuse again, your wife would have found out about us right then, but you agreed and walked away with me.

“Why aren’t you talking to me? Anyway, I need money for what you said I should do.”

“I’ll send you money tomorrow. Is that all you need?”

“No. When I call, you need to answer, or the next moment you’ll hear me knocking at your door.”

I must admit, I was just bluffing. I didn’t have the courage to do that, but I thought such a threat would make you realize how serious I could be. When the money arrived, I went to the hospital and went through with it. That should have been the end of the story, but no. The doctor who performed the procedure made a mistake—a significant one that caused me to bleed for days. I was in constant pain while you were at home enjoying your wife’s company. I returned to the hospital to see the doctor who had treated me, only to learn he wasn’t qualified for the procedure he performed. I was devastated and terrified, thinking I might die, but another doctor assured me it could be corrected. He treated me, and a few days later, the bleeding stopped.

I called multiple times to inform you about the complications and the pain I was enduring, but you never answered. The physical pain was unbearable, but the emotional pain was even worse. The guilt, the fear for my life, and the regret for allowing myself to be deceived all combined to create emotional suffering far greater than the physical pain. I remember one night feeling like ending it all just to escape the pain, but instead, I cried myself to sleep.

You were unaware of any of this, and I never had the chance to discuss it with you because we were both trying to bury our shame and pretend nothing happened. Today, I looked at myself and thought, “I was foolish.” The mistake of the first doctor and the pain I endured were warnings from Karma, and I’ve taken heed. I will never make such a mistake again. A man who wears a ring is forbidden fruit for me. Kissing him is like drinking from a poisoned chalice. You won’t die immediately, but slowly, death will catch up with you.

But listen to me. Maybe you haven’t faced your consequences yet, and I’m not saying you will be punished for what you did to me. However, if this is how you treat innocent women, believe me, your day of reckoning will come, and it will be far worse than what I experienced. Change your ways and seek forgiveness.

—Alice, Ghana

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