Sometimes All You Need Is One Heartbreak

Everyone asked me, “Why don’t you just walk away?”

I replied, “You don’t walk away from something you love just because there are a few issues. Every life has its challenges. I’ll make things better, you’ll see.”

I had been dating Willie for four years, but our relationship began to face problems just a month in. All the issues we encountered were my fault. “If only I could stop causing problems in this relationship, then Willie would love me more, and everything would be fine.” I blamed myself because that was all I had left to hold onto.

One month into our relationship, he took me to a movie. At the entrance, I felt a tap on my shoulder, and when I turned around, it was Kobby. I gasped in surprise and hugged him. “It’s been ages! What are you doing here?” he asked. I replied, “Yeah, it feels like a thousand years. I came to watch a movie. What about you?” He said, “I came to watch a movie too…” That’s when Willie pulled my hand. I introduced them, saying, “Kobby, this is Willie, my boyfriend.” Kobby extended his hand for a handshake, but Willie ignored him and pulled me away.

Willie was quiet for a long time during the movie. I asked if everything was okay, but he didn’t respond. Minutes later, he yanked me from my seat and said, “Get up, let’s go.” I followed him outside, where he clearly looked angry. Once outside, he asked, “What was that about? Who’s that guy?” I explained, “He’s someone I knew back in high school.” He pressed, “Just that?” I added, “We were very close; I think we even dated at some point.”

He angrily pulled my hand down the stairs and back to his car. “You mean you dated that guy? What were you thinking? Honestly, if you had told me you had an ex like him, I wouldn’t have dated you, I swear. You embarrass me.”

I didn’t understand why he was so angry, but seeing him shake with rage made me think it wise to apologize. “I’m sorry, dear. I shouldn’t have interacted with him like that, knowing I have someone like you. Please forgive me. It won’t happen again.” He started the car and drove us home. We had gone out to watch a movie, but instead, we ended up acting out a drama of our own. He was angry about it all week, ignoring my calls and refusing to see me. When I went to his house to ask why he was upset, he said, “It’s all your fault. Now I have to deal with the fact that my girlfriend has an ex who’s a nobody. That will take time, so give me space.”

He said this while looking through the trap door from inside his room, leaving me standing outside. After our conversation, he slammed the door, leaving me to walk home in shame. It was all my fault. If only I hadn’t run into Kobby, if only I hadn’t hugged him, none of this would have happened. I sent him messages every day, apologizing and promising to do better. It took him two weeks to forgive me and let me see him again.

I loved him deeply. When I envisioned the future and thought about the father of my children, he was the only one I saw. He checked all the boxes physically. He had a well-paying job and lived in a prime area of Accra. While it wasn’t his own house, he had acquired land nearby where he planned to build our future home. He even asked me how I wanted our home to look. I shared all my dreams with him, and like a girl speaking to Santa, I ended by saying, “There should be a swimming pool in front of the house where we can relax after a long day’s work.” He replied, “Come here, sweetheart. You think just like me, which is why I love you to the moon and back.”

I saw him as my beginning and my end, and I was determined to make it work, no matter what.

Then he started pushing all my friends away. He didn’t want me hanging out with any girls. He said, “Friends and their opinions cause 90% of relationship breakups. They poison your mind and tempt your heart. Stay away from them.” I complied, cutting them off one by one. If I had the man of my dreams, what did I need friends for? My circle shrank daily until all I had left was him.

When Matilda got engaged, she called and asked if I could be one of her bridesmaids. I was thrilled for her and honored she considered me. I replied, “Yes, I’d love to! What are friends for?” I had known Matilda since childhood, and we shared a strong bond where we confided in each other. When my first boyfriend assaulted me, she was the one I turned to. She was my shoulder to cry on. The least I could do for a friend like her was to accept her invitation to be part of her bridal party.

I told Willie about it. He asked, “You’re still out there making friends?” I explained, “This isn’t just a friend; she’s like family. We grew up together and have so much history.” He reluctantly agreed, and I thanked him for being understanding.

I dove into rekindling my relationship with Tilly. We planned the wedding together, discussing outfits and details. I was in charge of photography, and for the first time, I felt a warm sense of love surrounding my life. I felt useful and like I belonged. The night before the wedding, I was with Willie. I reminded him about the wedding the next day, and he said, “Forget it. You’re not going anywhere. Instead of planning your own wedding, you’re helping a friend. Tomorrow, you’ll spend the day here with me. You’ll cook, and we’ll watch movies.”

I calmly replied, “But Willie, if you knew you wouldn’t allow it, why didn’t you tell me earlier? Tomorrow is the wedding, and I can’t disappoint her.” He walked up to me, took my phone, turned it off, and said, “Case closed. If she can’t reach you, she can’t bother you.” Nothing I said made sense to him. He issued an ultimatum: “You can choose between me or your friend. You can go to that wedding tomorrow, but you can’t come back to me.”

I had already felt guilty for so many problems in our relationship, and I wasn’t ready to feel guilty again, so I stayed with him and ignored my friend. I knew she wouldn’t forgive me, so I decided not to call her. Three days after the wedding, she called, “What happened? I was worried. I called your phone all day, and it was off. What’s going on?” I fabricated a story, saying, “Tilly, something bad happened. I had a fight with Willie the night before the wedding, and it left me with bruises and a swollen lip. He even smashed my phone. I didn’t want to involve you on your wedding day.”

She took a deep breath and said, “This guy will be the death of you someday. Listen to me and walk away before it’s too late.”

From that day on, I cut ties with Tilly again. She couldn’t come and tell me what to do with the love of my life. “If she walked away, would she have been able to get married?” It’s astonishing what love does to us. The signs were clear. The red flags were waving in my face, but I painted them white to convince myself I was winning in a losing game. I lost my friends. I lost my identity. I gave everything to him and ended up losing myself. Even when he brought only pain and hurt, I kept hoping he would change. In my mind, “If I love him desperately and give him everything, he will see my worth and reciprocate.”

He never missed a chance to remind me that he was all I had. One day, after a fight that nearly cost me my sight, he yelled, “Do you think if I leave you, you’ll find another man like me? Look around; every woman dreams of having a man like me. You have me, and you’re taking it for granted!”

Even when I was down and my vision was blurry, I looked up and apologized to him. The next morning, he saw how badly he had hurt me and appeared remorseful. He looked like he was about to cry. “I’m sorry I hit you. I love you too much, and the little things you do hurt me deeply. I don’t want to hit you, so please stop making me angry. I want to love you with all my heart, but all you do is bring me pain.”

I felt sorry for him and disappointed in myself for causing pain to the man who only wanted to love me like any man would love his girlfriend. “Maybe I’m useless. I’m not worthy of love. Who will love me like he does if I lose him?”

I clung to him like a child holding onto their mother’s hand.

One evening, while I was at his place, a colleague called me. My phone was in the hall while I was in the kitchen heating food. The colleague kept calling, and that caught his attention. He looked at the caller ID and called me to come answer it. I rushed to the hall, picked up the phone, and started heading back to the kitchen. That’s when he signaled for me to stay in the hall and take the call so he could hear our conversation. I didn’t mind since he was just a colleague.

That guy, I don’t know who sent him, only called to say he missed me and couldn’t wait to see me at work the next day. Yes, we were on the same team, but that didn’t give him the right to miss me when I was away. Willie watched my face, waiting for my response. I said, “You know I have a boyfriend, right? How can you miss someone’s girlfriend?”

As soon as I hung up, he said, “You’re not stepping foot in that office again.” I thought he was joking. The next day, he locked me in the house and went to work. I had to call my boss and fake a serious illness. For the next three days, he kept locking me up whenever he went to work. On the third day, I called Tilly. I broke down and cried like a baby while telling her my story. That was the day I finally revealed the truth about why I couldn’t attend her wedding.

She was furious and wanted to report him to the police, but I calmed her down and promised never to return to him if he let me go. When he came home that day, he looked me in the eyes and said, “I love you too much to share you with anyone. You shouldn’t be angry with me; you should be angry with yourself for bringing others into our relationship.” I replied, “I’m sorry; it won’t happen again.”

As I left his house that day, I knew it was for the last time.

I didn’t call him when I got home. The next day, he called, and as expected, he was furious. “Why didn’t you call me when you got home? These are the things you do that upset me. Why didn’t you call?” I calmly replied, “I didn’t call because I’m not going to call you again. I’m giving my heart a break. I wish you well.” I hung up.

He called repeatedly, but I didn’t answer. I started to feel scared, so I called Matilda and told her what I had done. “I’m scared he might show up at my place any moment.” She said, “Come over.” I locked my door and ran to her house. Her husband kindly let me in. He called all day Saturday, texting me, begging to know where I was so he could come apologize. I turned off my phone and focused on breathing in and out.

My phone remained off on Sunday, but every part of me longed for him. I felt an urge to rush to him and apologize. I wanted to power on my phone and call him to come to me. At one point, I almost turned it on to make that call, but Tilly entered and said something that resonated: “You’re doing great. Keep pushing forward because you deserve more than what he offers. Choose yourself and stay strong for your own sake.” I handed my phone to her and asked her to hold onto it.

On Monday, I was convinced he would come to my office, so I called in sick and requested a week off. Sure enough, he showed up and was informed that I was on leave. A week later, as I prepared to return to work, I turned on my phone and saw his last message: “I’ve done everything I could to reach you, but it hasn’t worked. I won’t call or search for you again, but remember, you’re all I have, and I will always love you.”

I felt an immediate urge to call him back. He was the only one who had ever spoken such sweet words to me. I wanted to hear him say that in person, but a voice in my head reminded me, “You didn’t come this far to clean yourself up just to fall back into the mess. Stay focused, girl. Stay focused.” I went to work, returned to Tilly’s house, said my goodbyes, and headed back to my own home.

Loneliness became my challenge. I realized I was afraid of being alone, so I reached out to all my friends and began mending those relationships. They were gracious and didn’t hold my past mistakes against me; they were genuinely happy to hear I had left the relationship.

It’s been over five months now. He called once, and I answered. He apologized, and I did too. He expressed that he needed me, and I admitted I needed him as well. He suggested we get back together, but I told him we couldn’t because he wasn’t right for me. He promised he would change, and I replied that if he did, it would benefit his next relationship. He sensed my determination and backed off, but deep down, I wanted to say yes.

Tilly called to ask how I was managing now that Willie was out of my life. I told her, “I’m taking a long break to love myself between my ex and my next. My heart needs time to heal completely. I need to focus on myself and rebuild my confidence. He took so much from me, and I need to reclaim it before moving forward. Until then, I’m giving my heart the rest it deserves.”

Nadia,

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