I Loved Ruth, But Our Past Haunted Our Marriage

I met Ruth in December 2024 at her chemist in Nakuru. At that time, I never imagined that the woman who treated me that day would eventually become the woman I would love, live with, and hope to build a future with. Our meeting seemed ordinary, but looking back, I believe it was the beginning of a chapter that would change my life in ways I could never have predicted.

After that first meeting, life continued. I travelled to Mombasa to attend my brother's graduation, and as time passed, my relationship with Ruth grew deeper. We began to understand each other, share our dreams, and imagine what life would look like if we stayed together. In August 2025, we got engaged. To me, that engagement was more than a promise. It was a declaration that I had found someone with whom I wanted to build a home.

After much discussion and careful consideration, I decided to leave my house and move into Ruth's home. It was a serious decision, and I did not take it lightly. I wanted us to live together, understand each other better, and prepare ourselves for the responsibilities of marriage. I believed that honesty would be the foundation of our relationship, so I made up my mind to be open with her about my life, including the things I had experienced before meeting her.

However, there was one chapter from my past that would later become a painful source of conflict.

Before Ruth, I had dated a woman named Silvia. We had once hoped our relationship would lead somewhere meaningful, but things eventually fell apart because she did not want to get married. I wanted a different future, one that involved commitment and building a family. Since we could not agree on that important decision, we broke up.

By the time Ruth and I became engaged, I considered my relationship with Silvia to be over. I had chosen to move forward with my life, and Ruth was the woman I wanted to build my future with.

Unfortunately, Silvia did not completely disappear from my life.

At one point, she threatened to interfere with my marriage if I refused to attend to her. I became worried about what might happen if the situation continued. Instead of telling Ruth immediately, I kept the matter to myself. I thought I could handle it without bringing unnecessary problems into our relationship. I now understand that keeping such a matter from someone you love can create a bigger problem than the one you are trying to avoid.

In November, Ruth and I visited our parents at our home in Kisii. It was an important moment in our journey together, and I continued to believe that we were moving towards a peaceful future.

Then April 2026 arrived, and everything changed.

One day, Silvia came to visit me at the house where Ruth and I were living. I did not expect Ruth to arrive home when she did. Unfortunately, she returned without notice and found Silvia there. Ruth went to work, but I could tell that the situation had already created questions in her mind.

Later that afternoon, things became tense between us. We talked about what had happened, but the discussion did not settle the matter. Ruth took my phone and carried it to her workplace. I did not follow her. Later that night, she returned with the phone, and we went to sleep.

Around two in the morning, Ruth woke me up and asked who the woman was who had visited our house.

This time, I decided to tell her everything. I explained my past relationship with Silvia, why we had separated, and the threats she had made about interfering with my marriage. I wanted Ruth to understand that I had not been trying to replace her or abandon our relationship. I had made a mistake by keeping the matter from her, but I wanted to be truthful now.

I even decided to call my father and inform him about the situation. By then, Ruth had already contacted my father, mother, and brother, asking them to look for money so that I could leave her house.

We eventually went back to sleep, but I hardly felt at peace.

The following morning, while I was still in bed, Ruth came and removed my blanket. She told me to leave her house. I refused, hoping we could calm down and find a way to resolve the disagreement. What followed was an argument filled with painful words. Ruth insulted me in ways I had never imagined hearing from someone I loved so deeply.

During the confrontation, she hurt herself against the door. The situation became even more distressing, and later that day, she involved the police.

Two officers, a man and a woman, came and took me to Murunyu Police Post. I found myself confined in a cell, trying to understand how a relationship that had once brought me so much happiness had reached such a painful point.

What made the situation worse was that I was still schooling. My examinations were underway, and some had already started. While I was in the cell, I missed two examinations. I later requested help from my lecturer to see whether I could be allowed to do them.

I was worried about my education, my relationship, and my future. I had so many questions, but no immediate answers.

I had entered Ruth's life believing that love, honesty, and commitment would help us overcome life's challenges. Yet, in a matter of hours, I had lost my freedom, missed examinations, and watched the peace of our home disappear.

Still, even in that difficult moment, I had not stopped loving her.

I hoped that somehow, we would find a way back to each other.

My time at Murunyu Police Post was one of the most difficult experiences I had ever faced. I was worried about my future, my education, and the woman I still loved. I kept hoping that if Ruth and I could sit down calmly, we would find a solution.

On Saturday, while I was still in the cell, I called her and asked her to come so that we could talk. Unfortunately, the painful words and insults continued. It was difficult to communicate when emotions were still running so high, and I began to feel helpless.

Then Sunday morning brought another frightening experience.

I have a health problem associated with cold conditions, and while I was in the cell, my condition became serious. I suddenly became unable to speak properly and lost awareness of myself. I was rushed to hospital, where I received treatment that same day.

Ruth was there, together with my friend Mogaka.

That moment reminded me that, beyond the arguments and accusations, we were two people whose lives had become deeply connected. We had shared dreams, made promises, and imagined a future together. Seeing her during that difficult time gave me hope that perhaps our relationship had not reached its end.

We talked, and the matter was eventually resolved. We returned to the police post, where I paid KSh 5,000 to secure my release. The money had been intended for my school fees, but I had to use it to get out of the situation.

When I finally returned home with Ruth, things gradually cooled down. I hoped that the worst was behind us and that we could learn from what had happened.

But our problems were not over.

On August 19, 2026, another incident occurred involving Silvia. After attending to her, Ruth learned about the matter, and once again, we had to discuss what had happened. We eventually talked and tried to settle our differences.

The following morning, Ruth asked me to call Silvia and tell her clearly that I was married and that she needed to stop looking for me. Ruth wanted the past to remain in the past, and I understood why she felt that way.

Later that afternoon, Silvia went to Ruth's business premises. She spoke with Ruth, and eventually, the three of us moved to the house to discuss the situation together.

I had hoped that this conversation would finally bring peace. I wanted the confusion to end so that Ruth and I could concentrate on our relationship and the future we had once planned.

Instead, the discussion ended badly.

Ruth decided that we should separate and demanded that I leave her house. This time, I chose to pack my belongings and go. As I was packing, a police officer arrived and helped me move my things out. I collected what I could, but some of my belongings remained behind.

Walking away from the home we had shared was painful. It was not simply about leaving a building. It was about leaving behind the place where I had hoped to establish my life with the woman I loved.

Later, we spoke again and managed to resolve our differences. I also owed Ruth KSh 10,000, which I paid back. After that, we found our way back to each other, and I believed we might finally be able to rebuild what had been damaged.

For a while, I held on to that hope.

But as time passed, other issues began to emerge. The misunderstandings continued, and the relationship became increasingly difficult to sustain. There were moments when I felt that no matter how much I explained myself, my words were never enough.

At one point, Ruth called me and asked me to check WhatsApp. She had come across something on Facebook that had been sent to me, and she wanted an explanation. I tried to explain the situation, but my explanation did not satisfy her. I felt hurt because I wanted us to understand each other rather than allow every new misunderstanding to become another reason to fight.

Eventually, I decided to go and see her so that we could talk face-to-face.

I went there hoping we could find a way forward. I wanted to remind her of the love we had shared, the promises we had made, and the plans we had discussed. I wanted us to remember that our relationship had not always been filled with pain.

But after we talked, Ruth told me that we had to break up.

Her words hurt me deeply.

I still love Ruth, and I believe that our relationship once meant something beautiful to both of us. We had spoken about our future and promised each other many things. I had imagined growing with her, working towards a better life, and eventually reaching a point where our struggles would become stories we could tell with smiles rather than tears.

Instead, I found myself standing at a point where I had to accept that love alone might not be enough to keep us together.

There is another thing that has hurt me. Ruth sometimes shares our private marriage problems with her friends, Molly and Dorcas. Knowing that personal matters from our relationship are being discussed with other people makes me uncomfortable. I wish some of our struggles could remain between us, or at least be handled with greater care.

Still, I have decided not to retaliate or turn our problems into a public battle. I do not want to hurt her simply because I am hurting.

My work brings me very little money, and I am still trying to establish myself in life. I have my education to complete, responsibilities to meet, and a future to build. The money I used to secure my release from the police post was meant for school fees, and that experience reminded me how easily personal problems can interfere with the dreams I am working hard to achieve.

For now, I want to step back.

I do not want to keep disturbing Ruth when she has said that she wants us to separate. I want to give her space and allow myself time to heal. I need to concentrate on my education, my work, and the things I must do to become a better and more stable man.

Perhaps, some years from now, if God allows it and circumstances change, Ruth and I might sit down and talk again. Perhaps we will understand each other better with time. Perhaps we will discover that our paths are meant to meet again, or perhaps we will accept that our time together was an important chapter that had to end.

I cannot predict what the future holds.

All I know is that I loved her sincerely, and I had hoped that we would overcome our problems together. I regret the decision to hide the issue involving Silvia because I now understand how much trust matters in a relationship. I also understand that a relationship needs more than promises; it requires honesty, respect, patience, and the willingness to resolve disagreements without destroying one another emotionally.

I am not writing this story to make Ruth look like a bad person. I am writing it because this is what I have experienced, and I want to acknowledge the pain, the mistakes, and the lessons that have come with it.

For now, I will move forward quietly.

I will work on myself, continue with my education, and trust God with the parts of my life that I cannot control. I will not force Ruth to stay, and I will not demand that she understand my heart today.

Sometimes, loving someone means accepting their decision to walk away, even when your heart is still asking them to stay.

And if life ever gives us another opportunity to talk, I hope we will meet as two people who have learned from the past rather than two people still fighting over it.

Until then, I must find the strength to rebuild my life, even if the woman I once imagined building it with is no longer beside me.

This is my story of love, regret, separation, and hope. I may not have the ending I once prayed for, but I still believe that my life has a future worth fighting for.

Published for Etechx Centre — Relationship Stories and Marriage. Names and identifying details may be changed before publication to protect privacy.

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I Loved Ruth, But Our Past Refused to Leave Our Marriage Alone
I met Ruth in December 2024 at her chemist in Nakuru. At that time, I never imagined that the woman who treated me that day would eventually become the woman I would love, live with, and hope to build a future with. Our meeting seemed ordinary, but looking back, I believe it was the beginning of a chapter that would change my life in ways I could never have predicted.

After that first meeting, life continued. I travelled to Mombasa to attend my brother's graduation, and as time passed, my relationship with Ruth grew deeper. We began to understand each other, share our dreams, and imagine what life would look like if we stayed together. In August 2025, we got engaged. To me, that engagement was more than a promise. It was a declaration that I had found someone with whom I wanted to build a future.

After much discussion and careful consideration, I decided to leave my house and move into Ruth's home. It was a serious decision, and I did not take it lightly. I wanted us to live together, understand each other better, and prepare ourselves for the responsibilities of marriage. I believed that honesty would be the foundation of our relationship, so I made up my mind to be open with her about my life, including the things I had experienced before meeting her.

However, there was one chapter from my past that would later become a painful source of conflict.

Before Ruth, I had dated a woman named Silvia. We had once hoped our relationship would lead somewhere meaningful, but things eventually fell apart because she did not want to get married. I wanted a different future, one that involved commitment and building a family. Since we could not agree on that important decision, we broke up.

By the time Ruth and I became engaged, I considered my relationship with Silvia to be over. I had chosen to move forward with my life, and Ruth was the woman I wanted to build my future with.

Unfortunately, Silvia did not completely disappear from my life.

At one point, she threatened to interfere with my marriage if I refused to attend to her. I became worried about what might happen if the situation continued. Instead of telling Ruth immediately, I kept the matter to myself. I thought I could handle it without bringing unnecessary problems into our relationship. I now understand that keeping such a matter from someone you love can create a bigger problem than the one you are trying to avoid.

In November, Ruth and I visited our parents at our home in Kisii. It was an important moment in our journey together, and I continued to believe that we were moving towards a peaceful future.

Then April 2026 arrived, and everything changed.

One day, Silvia came to visit me at the house where Ruth and I were living. I did not expect Ruth to arrive home when she did. Unfortunately, she returned without notice and found Silvia there. Ruth went to work, but I could tell that the situation had already created questions in her mind.

Later that afternoon, things became tense between us. We talked about what had happened, but the discussion did not settle the matter. Ruth took my phone and carried it to her workplace. I did not follow her. Later that night, she returned with the phone, and we went to sleep.

Around two in the morning, Ruth woke me up and asked who the woman was who had visited our house.

This time, I decided to tell her everything. I explained my past relationship with Silvia, why we had separated, and the threats she had made about interfering with my marriage. I wanted Ruth to understand that I had not been trying to replace her or abandon our relationship. I had made a mistake by keeping the matter from her, but I wanted to be truthful now.

I even decided to call my father and inform him about the situation. By then, Ruth had already contacted my father, mother, and brother, asking them to look for money so that I could leave her house.

We eventually went back to sleep, but I hardly felt at peace.

The following morning, while I was still in bed, Ruth came and removed my blanket. She told me to leave her house. I refused, hoping we could calm down and find a way to resolve the disagreement. What followed was an argument filled with painful words. Ruth insulted me in ways I had never imagined hearing from someone I loved so deeply.

During the confrontation, she hurt herself against the door. The situation became even more distressing, and later that day, she involved the police.

Two officers, a man and a woman, came and took me to Murunyu Police Post. I found myself confined in a cell, trying to understand how a relationship that had once brought me so much happiness had reached such a painful point.

What made the situation worse was that I was still schooling. My examinations were underway, and some had already started. While I was in the cell, I missed two examinations. I later requested help from my lecturer to see whether I could be allowed to do them.

I was worried about my education, my relationship, and my future. I had so many questions, but no immediate answers.

I had entered Ruth's life believing that love, honesty, and commitment would help us overcome life's challenges. Yet, in a matter of hours, I had lost my freedom, missed examinations, and watched the peace of our home disappear.

Still, even in that difficult moment, I had not stopped loving her.

I hoped that somehow, we would find a way back to each other.

My time at Murunyu Police Post was one of the most difficult experiences I had ever faced. I was worried about my future, my education, and the woman I still loved. I kept hoping that if Ruth and I could sit down calmly, we would find a solution.

On Saturday, while I was still in the cell, I called her and asked her to come so that we could talk. Unfortunately, the painful words and insults continued. It was difficult to communicate when emotions were still running so high, and I began to feel helpless.

Then Sunday morning brought another frightening experience.

I have a health problem associated with cold conditions, and while I was in the cell, my condition became serious. I suddenly became unable to speak properly and lost awareness of myself. I was rushed to hospital, where I received treatment that same day.

Ruth was there, together with my friend Mogaka.

That moment reminded me that, beyond the arguments and accusations, we were two people whose lives had become deeply connected. We had shared dreams, made promises, and imagined a future together. Seeing her during that difficult time gave me hope that perhaps our relationship had not reached its end.

We talked, and the matter was eventually resolved. We returned to the police post, where I paid KSh 5,000 to secure my release. The money had been intended for my school fees, but I had to use it to get out of the situation.

When I finally returned home with Ruth, things gradually cooled down. I hoped that the worst was behind us and that we could learn from what had happened.

But our problems were not over.

On August 19, 2026, another incident occurred involving Silvia. After attending to her, Ruth learned about the matter, and once again, we had to discuss what had happened. We eventually talked and tried to settle our differences.

The following morning, Ruth asked me to call Silvia and tell her clearly that I was married and that she needed to stop looking for me. Ruth wanted the past to remain in the past, and I understood why she felt that way.

Later that afternoon, Silvia went to Ruth's business premises. She spoke with Ruth, and eventually, the three of us moved to the house to discuss the situation together.

I had hoped that this conversation would finally bring peace. I wanted the confusion to end so that Ruth and I could concentrate on our relationship and the future we had once planned.

Instead, the discussion ended badly.

Ruth decided that we should separate and demanded that I leave her house. This time, I chose to pack my belongings and go. As I was packing, a police officer arrived and helped me move my things out. I collected what I could, but some of my belongings remained behind.

Walking away from the home we had shared was painful. It was not simply about leaving a building. It was about leaving behind the place where I had hoped to establish my life with the woman I loved.

Later, we spoke again and managed to resolve our differences. I also owed Ruth KSh 10,000, which I paid back. After that, we found our way back to each other, and I believed we might finally be able to rebuild what had been damaged.

For a while, I held on to that hope.

But as time passed, other issues began to emerge. The misunderstandings continued, and the relationship became increasingly difficult to sustain. There were moments when I felt that no matter how much I explained myself, my words were never enough.

At one point, Ruth called me and asked me to check WhatsApp. She had come across something on Facebook that had been sent to me, and she wanted an explanation. I tried to explain the situation, but my explanation did not satisfy her. I felt hurt because I wanted us to understand each other rather than allow every new misunderstanding to become another reason to fight.

Eventually, I decided to go and see her so that we could talk face-to-face.

I went there hoping we could find a way forward. I wanted to remind her of the love we had shared, the promises we had made, and the plans we had discussed. I wanted us to remember that our relationship had not always been filled with pain.

But after we talked, Ruth told me that we had to break up.

Her words hurt me deeply.

I still love Ruth, and I believe that our relationship once meant something beautiful to both of us. We had spoken about our future and promised each other many things. I had imagined growing with her, working towards a better life, and eventually reaching a point where our struggles would become stories we could tell with smiles rather than tears.

Instead, I found myself standing at a point where I had to accept that love alone might not be enough to keep us together.

There is another thing that has hurt me. Ruth sometimes shares our private marriage problems with her friends, Molly and Dorcas. Knowing that personal matters from our relationship are being discussed with other people makes me uncomfortable. I wish some of our struggles could remain between us, or at least be handled with greater care.

Still, I have decided not to retaliate or turn our problems into a public battle. I do not want to hurt her simply because I am hurting.

My work brings me very little money, and I am still trying to establish myself in life. I have my education to complete, responsibilities to meet, and a future to build. The money I used to secure my release from the police post was meant for school fees, and that experience reminded me how easily personal problems can interfere with the dreams I am working hard to achieve.

For now, I want to step back.

I do not want to keep disturbing Ruth when she has said that she wants us to separate. I want to give her space and allow myself time to heal. I need to concentrate on my education, my work, and the things I must do to become a better and more stable man.

Perhaps, some years from now, if God allows it and circumstances change, Ruth and I might sit down and talk again. Perhaps we will understand each other better with time. Perhaps we will discover that our paths are meant to meet again, or perhaps we will accept that our time together was an important chapter that had to end.

I cannot predict what the future holds.

All I know is that I loved her sincerely, and I had hoped that we would overcome our problems together. I regret the decision to hide the issue involving Silvia because I now understand how much trust matters in a relationship. I also understand that a relationship needs more than promises; it requires honesty, respect, patience, and the willingness to resolve disagreements without destroying one another emotionally.

I am not writing this story to make Ruth look like a bad person. I am writing it because this is what I have experienced, and I want to acknowledge the pain, the mistakes, and the lessons that have come with it.

For now, I will move forward quietly.

I will work on myself, continue with my education, and trust God with the parts of my life that I cannot control. I will not force Ruth to stay, and I will not demand that she understand my heart today.

Sometimes, loving someone means accepting their decision to walk away, even when your heart is still asking them to stay.

And if life ever gives us another opportunity to talk, I hope we will meet as two people who have learned from the past rather than two people still fighting over it.

Until then, I must find the strength to rebuild my life, even if the woman I once imagined building it with is no longer beside me.

—Manyi

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