God Found My Worth After Heartbreak

Dear PK,

I find it hard to accept that your way of expressing love was through the pain I endured during our five years together. You might still be angry with me for calling off our wedding, and that's understandable. However, I need you to know that your words consistently tore me down throughout our relationship. I lost my self-esteem and self-respect because I put up with so much just to be the girlfriend you wanted. You believed that being tough on me was a sign of love, but instead, you broke my spirit and drained my confidence as a woman. You often reminded me of my shortcomings while dismissing my efforts and sacrifices. I'm still in the process of healing.

I want to thank you for the significant role you played in my life and the lessons I learned. I appreciate your determination to marry me because of our son, but I couldn't accept your behavior. That wasn't the kind of marriage I envisioned. I didn't want to feel like I was married to an adversary or pretend that everything was fine while I was emotionally tormented in my own home. You seemed to forget that we all have an ideal partner in mind, but reality is different. I was your reality, PK. I couldn't tolerate your constant control over my choices, including what I wore. I have my own preferences and the right to prioritize myself.

Did you know I suffered from severe morning sickness while going to work every day, pretending everything was okay? During my pregnancy, I needed someone to support me, to understand my feelings, and to be my rock. Instead, you chose to complain about my inability to be the girlfriend I once was. Working in a financial institution while dealing with your drama was overwhelming. You picked fights over the smallest things and never admitted your mistakes or apologized, but that's alright; I'm healing.

You confronted me at every opportunity simply because I couldn't meet your sexual expectations as I used to. For goodness' sake, PK, I was recovering from a C-section! It wasn't that I didn't love you; I did with all my heart. You were my priority, and I supported your dreams even when your family let you down. I hope you know I didn't accept your proposal for financial reasons. I was raised to build a life with a partner, not to be an opportunist. I tried to cope, and God knows how many times I attempted to talk things through, but you were too self-absorbed. You always believed you were right, and I was wrong.

Indeed, God met me where you left me. He took my hand and reminded me of my worth. He saved my life during surgery, and just when I thought I had lost our baby, He brought him back to life (our son was a blue baby). The Lord has given me a second chance, and I intend to use it for His glory. He rescued me from postpartum depression, which I suffered after our son was born. It hurts to think you doubted my struggles and accused me of making excuses. Wow!

But God has given me a second chance to rediscover my true self and value. I had another opportunity to choose, and I chose happiness. I needed to be happy, and I couldn't sacrifice that by marrying you. I've had enough of your stubborn behavior. The truth is, I'm no longer angry with you, nor do I seek revenge because God has blessed me abundantly. I've found peace, and I intend to maintain it. I forgive you, and I hope you find happiness too, PK.

Jesus has given me beauty for my ashes. Take care.

—Esi

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