Facebook Love That Ended in a Painful Deception

In 2013 or 2014, a man I barely knew began messaging me on Facebook. I didn’t pay much attention to him; he would occasionally say hello, and I would respond, but that was the extent of our interaction. He wasn’t pushy and seemed content with whatever I was willing to share. If I didn’t reply, he would simply wait until another day to reach out.

Through our brief conversations, I learned he was a Ghanaian living in London. He shared his reasons for moving there and why he chose to stay instead of returning to Ghana.

Our friendship grew organically. Eventually, we exchanged phone numbers and began chatting on WhatsApp. In December 2015, he visited Ghana, and we arranged to meet for the first time.

He brought me gifts—an iPhone, perfume, jewelry, and some clothes that didn’t fit because he didn’t know my size. During his stay in Ghana, we met several times, and on one occasion, he proposed. I responded, “You’ve been a friend for a while, but I don’t know you well enough yet. Let’s take our time to get to know each other better now that you’re here.”

He spent four months in Ghana, and I saw him frequently. Two weeks before he returned to the UK, I agreed to his proposal, but with caution. I asked, “Can we hold off on anything intimate until we’re sure about each other?” He replied, “Not even a kiss or a hug?” I said, “A hug is fine, but I’m hesitant about a kiss; I’m worried about where it might lead.”

After he returned to the UK, we spoke every day. I learned his schedule by heart, and his openness made me fall for him more with each passing day.

He came back to Ghana in December 2016. I had missed him, and when we met, we crossed one of the boundaries I had set—we kissed. He wanted to take things further, but I declined, still cautious about our relationship due to the distance and the fact that I didn’t know any of his family members. He mentioned that his parents were in the UK, but I felt there should be someone in Ghana I could meet.

I met many of his friends, but that didn’t assure me of anything. I asked him, “When will I get to meet any of your family members here in Ghana?” He replied, “Mom and Dad know about you. I’ve told them everything, but we’ll meet some of my aunts and cousins before I leave.”

True to his word, he took me to his hometown and introduced me to some of his extended family. We spent three days there, which felt significant to me. Before he returned to the UK in January 2017, he arranged for me to speak with his mother. She was delighted to talk to me and expressed her eagerness to meet me in person, sharing all the wonderful things her son had said about me. She even gave me her number to call anytime.

Everything seemed to be falling into place, and I was happy but not rushing things. The night before he left for the UK, he tried to be intimate with me. He wanted us to be together before he left, but I reminded him of our agreement: “No intimacy until we’re both sure.”

While he was in the UK, I spoke with his mother frequently. She mentioned his intention to have the ‘knocking’ ceremony the next time he returned to Ghana. She said, “Don’t tell him I told you, or he’ll be upset with me for ruining the surprise.” We both laughed before ending the call.

I tried to get him to confirm this, but he didn’t. However, I trusted his mother, so I hinted to my parents about what might happen in December when he returned.

In January 2018, he came back to Ghana. I remember meeting him on a Saturday. He asked, “Can you check with your parents about when they’ll be available for the knocking?” I was shocked and asked, “Are you serious?” He replied, “How could I joke about something like this?” I exclaimed, “Wow!”

On January 20, 2018, a Saturday morning, my boyfriend came to my house with two family members to meet my parents and a few relatives. They explained their purpose, presented Schnapp, and my family accepted it. They then provided a list of items required for the marriage and said, “These are the essentials we need before a marriage can proceed. We’ll wait patiently for you to decide on the date for the ceremony.”

They accepted the list graciously and promised to communicate the date soon. After everything was settled, I was overjoyed. “This was just a random guy I met on Facebook, and now, two years after saying yes to him, look where we are,” I thought.

That night, when I saw him at his place, I decided to abandon my boundaries. I didn’t hold back, and we went as far as we could. I surrendered everything to him as a reward for his honesty and how quickly he had made things right. In my mind, we were practically married. He stayed in Ghana from January to April, and before he left, he promised to return before December to plan our wedding.

I remember our last moment together before he left for the UK. For the first time, I cried. It felt like a part of me was missing, and I thought I couldn’t live without him. It was an emotional farewell.

When he arrived back in the UK, he called to let me know. However, I didn’t hear from him again that day. I sent him messages, but there was no response. The next day, all my messages were read, but still no reply. This was unusual for him. I called his phone, but he didn’t answer. I reached out to his mother, who told me to calm down; it might just be stress. This continued for a week, and I started to feel uneasy. I contacted his friends in Ghana to see if they had heard from him, and they all said yes. “So why isn’t he talking to me?” I wondered.

A week later, I called his mother to explain what was happening. To my surprise, she was very cold with me. Before hanging up, she said, “This should be the last time you call my number. If you have any issues with him, sort it out.” I was stunned. “What’s going on?” This continued for over a month. I tried reaching out to him on Facebook, only to discover he had blocked me.

Fear began to set in. I called his mother again, but she didn’t answer. I tried multiple times, but she ignored my calls. I called him, but his number was unreachable. One morning, desperate for answers, I traveled to his hometown to find any family members to talk to. That’s when I received the shocking news of my life. One woman he had introduced as his mother’s sister told me, “No, I don’t know him. He’s just a friend of my son, who lives in the UK, so he calls me mom.”

Suddenly, my knees went weak. “No, no, no…” A part of me felt like this was all a scam he had orchestrated, but another part still wanted to believe otherwise. When I returned to Accra, I visited some of his friends, pleading with them to tell me the truth, but none were willing to speak. I kept calling, crying, and begging for answers about why this was happening to me.

One evening, one of his friends finally called and said, “He told me you knew he was married and didn’t care. We thought you were just having a fling. He’s married and lives with his wife in the UK, and they have two kids.” I screamed, “What! How? Why? Where…?” I was at a loss for words. I contacted another friend, and he echoed the same sentiment: “We thought you knew he was married.” I asked, “Did he mention the knocking ceremony he came to do?” “He did what? He went that far with you? He never mentioned it to us.” He was equally shocked!

I explained, “He even talked about me to his mother in the UK. I spoke with her often, and she hinted at his plans for the knocking.” He replied, “Dear, this sounds like a grand charade he pulled off. His mother isn’t in the UK; it’s his father who lives there.”

The truth shattered my heart into pieces. I felt like I was going to die. I didn’t know who to confide in or how to share this story. “So, a man can go this far just for sex? Or am I missing something?”

I tried everything to get him to explain, but he blocked all my avenues of contact. Yet, I haven’t given up searching for him. I know that one day I will find him and ask him one simple question: “Why did you do this?” 

—Frances,
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