After Two Years He Still Refused Marriage Talks

April 7th marked our second anniversary as a couple, and we celebrated it like a birthday. He surprised us with a bottle of champagne. That night at his place, we enjoyed a meal and raised a toast to our future. He said, “To a happy future,” and I replied, “To joyful days and plenty of love.” We drank to that, watched movies, and later spent the night together. The next morning, I asked him, “What does a happy future look like to you?” He responded, “It means just that—more happiness between us and growing deeper in love.”

I was hoping for a different answer. After two years together, I expected some clarity about our path forward. I wanted to hear something like, “In a year, we’ll be married or engaged.” Instead, he left it vague, as if our future didn’t matter. As a woman, the future is significant to me, so I pressed, “What about marriage? Isn’t it time we started planning for that?” He replied, “I’m not ready.” I asked for clarification, “Not ready to discuss it now, or not ready for marriage at all?” He reiterated, “I’m not ready. Let’s leave it at that.”

I felt disappointed but didn’t want to argue. At twenty-nine, approaching thirty, I had envisioned being married by twenty-five and having children before thirty, allowing me to focus on building my life and a home for my family. Those plans fell apart due to an ex who wasted five years of my life. We had been happy until one day, everything changed. He stopped communicating and withdrew from our relationship. When I confronted him, he insisted everything was fine. Eventually, he left the country without telling me, and when I finally reached him, he said, “My situation won’t allow our relationship to thrive. It’s better we don’t waste each other’s time. Let’s end it here.”

Five years of my life felt wasted. From that moment, I became cautious with men. It took me months to heal and to open up to another man, who turned out to be him. I shared my story, and he was understanding. He promised me happiness, and I fell for him. True to his word, life with him has been wonderful, even better than I anticipated.

He works at a bank and often has a busy schedule, but he always makes time to talk to me—morning calls before work, afternoon chats during breaks, evening calls, and sweet voice notes at night wishing me goodnight and sweet dreams. At first, I thought, “Men are sweet at the beginning, but they change after a few weeks.” He didn’t change. Two years later, he still sends voice notes and showers me with affection as if we just started dating.

After a disagreement where I decided not to speak to him, he would send long voice notes teasing my anger, saying, “I’m sorry for making you feel this way. Next time, I’ll do it again to make you angrier. Get ready for next time.” It made me laugh, even as I sent him playful insults. He didn’t mind; he continued to laugh at my anger and always made it up to me. His consistency amazed me—how he helped when I needed it, how he gave without being asked. His presence made me want to settle down with him, but he seemed to have a different perspective.

Weeks ago, I brought up the topic again, asking, “Where are we headed? Is marriage part of your plans?” He replied, “I thought we discussed this before?” I insisted, “This time I want specific answers. What does this mean for us?” He said, “I told you before that I’m not ready to talk about marriage.” I pressed, “Does that mean marriage isn’t on your mind right now?” He said, “It’s not something I think about. Maybe someday, but not now.” Then he asked, “Aren’t you happy? Why are you complaining?” I clarified, “I’m not complaining; I just want to know where this is going.” He responded, “We’re happy, and that’s what matters. There are married people who aren’t as happy as we are. You should be grateful and happy for what we have.” I said, “I appreciate what we have, which is why I want it solidified. I’m not happy not knowing where this is headed, so please make up your mind and let me know.”

If anything, I should be the one adjusting my attitude due to my disappointment in his response. I’m not fighting him for lacking plans for our future, but he’s been distant. He doesn’t call unless I do. My late-night voice notes have stopped, and there are no more afternoon calls. I’ve taken on that role, and now he’s even started missing my calls without returning them. He claims everything is fine, yet his behavior suggests otherwise. For the first time in our two years together, we went a day without speaking. I didn’t call, waiting to see if he would reach out. He didn’t. The next day, when I asked why, he said, “You didn’t call me either, so you can’t blame me.”

I’m at a loss for what to do now. I’ve asked questions, and he assures me everything is okay and that he loves me, but his actions contradict his words. Now, I’m facing two issues: a boyfriend who doesn’t envision a future with me and one who is giving me attitude for simply asking questions. Should I move on? Should I wait and see if things change? Am I wasting my time hoping he’ll come around? What should I do? I feel shattered, fearing this relationship is ending just like the last one did.

–Hope

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