The Love That Missed Its Timing Twice

She was my girlfriend for three years, and we had dreams of getting married someday. We talked about it often, but there always seemed to be something we needed to accomplish first.

She was in school, so we agreed to marry after her graduation. Once she graduated, we said it would be after her National Service. After her service, my father fell gravely ill, and I became his caregiver, so we decided to wait until he recovered. Tragically, my father passed away, and we said we would marry after the funeral.

A few days after we buried my dad, we made one last plan: “We’ll get married when she finds a job.” She landed a job, and we decided to tie the knot the following year.

Recently, I came across a photo of us on Facebook memories, which brought back vivid recollections of that day just before the picture was taken. We had attended a friend’s wedding, and during the photoshoot, I handed my phone to the photographer to capture a shot of us. Just before the photo was taken, Nancy exclaimed, “Next year will be our turn!” Kraw! The photographer snapped the picture, capturing her with one leg raised and both hands in the air making a peace sign.

The following year, she did get married, but it wasn’t to me.

We parted ways in May, and by September, she said “I do” to a man who had just returned from abroad—a man she had always assured me was just an online friend. I wasn’t at the wedding, but I saw all the photos she posted on her timeline. A part of me died, but the part that remained grew stronger. I moved on.

Six months after her wedding, she called me. I was surprisingly happy to see her name on my phone. Perhaps I hadn’t completely let her go. The part of me that survived carried the memories. She said, “Hey, I’m glad you picked up. I’m sorry for how things turned out. It was all my fault. Yes, I lied at times and gave up on you. Please forgive me.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I’ve moved on. I’m fine now, and I wish you well in your marriage. At this point, that’s all I can do—wish you well so I can have a clear heart and mind to move forward with my life.”

We fell silent on the phone. I didn’t have much to say; I was just glad she called. I asked her, “How’s he and how’s married life?” She replied, “I’m starting to regret everything. It feels like I didn’t give myself a chance to know him better. Now that I’ve gotten to know him, I see my mistakes.”

What mistakes was she referring to?

The man returned abroad after their marriage and rarely called. They had plans to live together after getting married, but since then, he hardly mentioned it. She was still living with her parents, despite his promise to rent a place for her. Whenever she brought it up, he either brushed it off or said something like, “Why live alone when your parents have enough space for you?”

Everything about the marriage was suffocating her. Running out of options, she turned back to me. We began talking daily, meeting often, and surprisingly, nothing had changed. The only difference was that she wore a wedding ring, while I did not.

They say old flames die hard. One afternoon, she asked me, “Am I dead to you? Forget about the marriage; it’s not working. It’s just a facade. You and I are the real thing.” I believed her. That evening, when we met, things intensified. Our past and present collided, and the love we shared was the best we’d ever experienced.

I asked her, “What’s happening with us now?” She replied, “Just watch me; I’ll make things right, and we’ll be okay.”

It sounded simple, but I knew we were in for challenges, and I was prepared for whatever came our way. Deep down, I wanted her. I had never desired any woman as much as I did her. After she left, I tried to love someone else, but it felt hollow, empty, and hopeless. Now that she was back in my life, I wanted her for good.

It had been a year, and the man she married had not fulfilled any of his promises. She had already informed her parents that she wanted out of the marriage, and they supported her. That was half the battle won. When she told her husband about her decision to divorce, it took him a whole week to respond. He said, “You’re being unreasonable. Always wanting things I can hardly provide. You want to come abroad with me; I’ve told you to give me a year or two. You want this, you want that; I told you to take your time. Now you want a divorce? Wait, you’ll get it.”

As the divorce approached, I began to feel scared. I questioned how the world would react when they saw I had gotten back together with her after everything that had happened. Would they blame me for instigating the divorce? I started to have cold feet. I wasn’t even sure if I was ready to marry her.

One evening, I asked her, “Do you think we’re doing the right thing?” She asked, “Are you scared?” I replied, “It feels like everything is happening so fast, and I feel responsible for the collapse of your marriage.” She responded, “I didn’t have a marriage. I fell for someone’s lies, and now I see my mistakes. I’m not leaving him because of you or for you. I’m leaving him because it’s what’s right for me. I can’t waste my life waiting for someone I don’t know when he’ll return. I’m doing this for myself.”

It took nearly eight months for the divorce to be finalized. After everything, she asked, “What’s next for us?” I told her, “Honestly, I can’t say. I know you’re the one for me, but I’m still unsure where we go from here.” She nodded, as if deep in thought. I asked, “What are you thinking about?” She said, “Nothing. Everything is complicated, but we’ll be fine, won’t we?”

My indecision seemed to irritate her, and she left me. Neither of us called the other. It felt like we both needed a break, and we took it. One morning, when I called her, she told me a guy was getting closer to her life. I said, “Wow, it’s only been a few weeks, and there’s someone already?”

“It’s good to meet people who know what they want,” she replied. “Now, I don’t know what you want, and you know how much I hate waiting. If I wait, who am I waiting for, you?”

We got back together, but without any marriage plans. We were both okay, just waiting and hoping for a better tomorrow. The universe has a way of playing with our lives. There are days we plan for A, convinced it will happen, but in the end, D shows up with a smile.

Our love life became unpredictable. One day we were together, the next we were apart, only to reunite again. One day, I decided enough was enough. I was going to do the right thing and commit to her. We both had our issues, but we always found our way back together, so why not make it permanent?

After breaking up and staying apart for about a month and a few weeks, I called her with confidence, knowing I was ready to make a commitment. When she answered, she didn’t even let me speak. She said, “The last time we broke up was the last for both of us. This back-and-forth hurts me. I’m not doing it anymore.” I shared my plans with her, promising it would be the last time we would go through this. I suggested we give ourselves one last chance, but she replied, “Our chances are over.”

A few months later, she married that guy who had been getting closer to her life.

They’ve been married for three years now, and the last time I saw her, she was pregnant. She moved on with her life, but somehow, I couldn’t. I sometimes think of her and wonder how I could let her go twice when she was everything I needed.

—Nana  
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