Why Women Call Cheating A Blessing Today

My conversation with three of my coworkers recently has left me with a heavy heart and a question simply: what's marriage today? Perhaps it is still a spiritual union based on faith and emotional safety, or it has just become a transaction, a calculative exchange of what one can give and take.

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The office that day consisted of four women. Tracy and Vee are a couple, Titi and I are single. We talked about a fate of a husband who left his wife and three kids for another woman, he was making a new family while completely ignoring the first one.

Vee was saying how awful it was to battle with a man only to end up at the back of the line. I mentioned that nobody can predict people's behaviour with certainty; there are bad apples right from the start, and then there are good guys who become unfaithful after several years. Tracy characterized divorce as a hard thing that one cannot face even if one is not happy.

Then Titi made a comment that made me quiet.

She said there was nothing wrong with a married man cheating if he was giving financial support to his family. Also, she claimed that some women become successful thanks to a married man. I replied that we should not consider such a relationship as a blessing.

At that time, all the three women looked at me. They reasoned that God might give a woman blessings in multiple ways, even through a cheating husband, as long as it is kept a secret.

I was mad. I kept silent and went away.

The women were openly implying that infidelity is okay. They were normalizing it and presenting it as a gift from God, which completely ignored the pain that it causes. They were not thinking about the children who suffer as a consequence of the parent's actions.

I was not shocked Titi was among the first to speak, considering her past with married men that have wound up in pregnancies and secrets. But Tracy and Vee? Their husbands might be cheating on them at this very moment, and they are not even aware, however, they defend the very thing that might be hurting them.

That discussion made me uncomfortable and I still feel the same way now.

Are we at this point now? Are we really blessing betrayal? Can we still consider secrecy as a virtue? Is infidelity allowed on the condition of being financially supported? 

The reason for my sharing this is to get others' viewpoints.

What does the term marriage mean in our times? Is it just a matter of money and benefits? Or does it still symbolize honesty, regard, and a shelter for one's heart?

Let's have a conversation about this.

—Rita

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