Why Is My Ex Coming Back Just When My Boyfriend Is Far?

Caleb and I were together for close to four years, but that last year was a pretty big change. Suddenly he was being distant and giving me the cold shoulder. It was a one-man show in communication with me trying to keep our relationship alive by all means.

Caleb's has a hard time communicating with his partner. I was always the one to notice when things were wrong and also to say something about it. If he took my concerns seriously, he would then either silence me for two or three days or just dismiss me. If I showed any anger, he would just keep quiet in return. I would say he was afraid to have live and honest talk over the phone even though we were long-distance. He would suggest meeting up, but I was always the one expected to travel.

He has a strong bond with my family. My father frequently calls him, and they have a good relationship. He is welcome at our place whenever my dad invites him over. My family loves him, knows him well, and is comfortable around him. This made me think that if I left, I would be the bad one, rejecting something my whole family had accepted.

He assured me that he would make our relationship public and that he would tell my family about us. But when it came time to do so, he was uncertain. He brought up marriage, and I told him that I was not ready yet. I had just completed my fashion degree and was concentrating on my financial independence. He was upset that he couldn't wait two more years, as if my life and schedule were less important than his wants.

That’s the very moment when everything started to fall apart. It seemed to me as if I was in the relationship all by myself. I sincerely tried to make it work, but can, in reality, two people walk together if they don’t share a view?

The day I stopped making contact was the day I made up my mind to leave, and I was sure I wasn’t going back.

He didn’t get any messages from me for three weeks. After that, he began to ring me up, but I didn’t pick up the phone, not even on WhatsApp. A few months later, I received a long message when I woke up that day which accused me of being with another guy. He said I was unfaithful. I felt sad, yet I still didn’t give any response.

I really took the whole of 2024 for healing deep healing not just the superficial one where you stop crying. I went through a lot of pain to know my value and what I wouldn’t put up with anymore.

And then a new person came into my life. A boy who had been a buddy of mine for nearly a year. He was looking to get our friendship to the next level. I took things slowly with him. He was caring, nice, and had a good vibe. He was everything that Caleb wasn’t; he accepted his mistakes and vowed to change.

Nevertheless, lately, he has also been a little indifferent. He has a hectic schedule and I can understand him. But I would call him up and he wouldn’t pick up, send him an SMS and get no reply, yet his status would be changing while my messages remained unread. There has been no communication for several months.

Yet, I still want to be merciful to him. He has been good to me and I would prefer to contact him and sort things out than go back to Caleb.

Caleb is now making his appearance again. He is apologizing. He is coming to my place. He is going down on his knees. He is pleading. I have told him that I have already forgiven him, but I do not want to go back to that situation again. He is not aware of my new love life. His apology appears to be sincere, but I have reason to doubt him, after all, I know him too well. I see how he operates, and I also realize how easy it is to slip back to the old feelings.

I guess he is at last feeling the pain of my loss. I have been there once and he will cope.

In my case, I feel rather perplexed. I am trying to keep my tranquility and at the same time trying not to start anything new with Caleb. I am also trying to be open for the new guy, even if he has not been around much lately.

I only crave for a clear revelation. I want a kind of love that does not necessitate me to question myself. I want the one who will always choose me, without any doubt.

—Catherine

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