When Love Is Not Mutual

I am in my early twenties and graduated from university less than a year ago. At the moment, I am not working. I have been on some dates, but the financial situation of the man in question has never been a factor; the character is what really counts to me.

Sometimes I catch my friends talking about the presents their boyfriends buy them, and while I don’t feel envious I do wish I could be that lucky once in a while. I know that every person has his/her own unique situation.

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My parents always say yes to me when I ask for something, or if they can’t then I have to take care of myself. This is the reason why I have been saving. I dream to set up a business someday, which will enable me to take care of my siblings and parents.

I know material things can’t be the focus in relationships. Still, when I think about my life, I see that a guy has never treated me like a princess. I have not even got a surprise of 100 GHS. I am not the asking type when it comes to my partner’s money; if I know he is coming, I buy food and the two of us have dinner together using my own resources. I give love by providing and I love it when I am able to treat the person with whom I am.

I hear about men taking the extra mile to support their partners, but I am on the other side of the spectrum.

There is this man who is 30 years old. He looks to have nice character and he tells he is looking for a good wife. At the very beginning of our home conversation, everything was fine. But later on he phoned me three times, saying he was in a crisis and needed money. I gave him not little amounts, but he never returned. I was not very upset because the figures were not large.

He made a promise once that the gift he was going to give me would be worth 70 GHS, but it took six months before I had to jog his memory. He voiced his concern saying that I was not empathetic and that he was financially constrained. On festive days, I have never received any presents from him, yet I am always there for him on his big days. He is out of work at the moment and that he has a lot of bills to pay, so I don’t even talk to him about my emergencies; I already know how he will react.

I tried proposing that we put together little amounts every now and then for emergencies, but it was not successful.

Now I am here, thinkig: Am I making this a bigger issue than it is? Am I the one putting pressure on him? Or am I exhibiting some sort of entitlement?

What is your opinion?

—Vanessa

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