When Hubby’s “Friend” Interfered with Our Marriage

My spouse is living in another town for work, and I am in the house that we built together with the kids, taking care of our three lovely children. A move isn't an option for us because of my job and the children's schooling. A long-distance marriage is hard work, but we are sure that our love is worth it. I make time to go visit him, and in return, he will do his best to come to see us.

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Once, we were discussing the purchase of some chairs for our house, and he was to send me the amount for those chairs. To my surprise, he came home with a chair set. I said, “Why did you not just buy them online?” He said that a friend had gone with him to check it out and they found a great price, so he went ahead and purchased them. He also said this friend was a guy. I was uncomfortable with him buying furniture for us with another person, but I decided to keep quiet.

Not long after, I realized that he was showing interest in the projects that had never been an attraction to him before. I wanted to know what prompted him and he answered that the same friend who had gone shopping with him had opened his eyes. As he was talking about the new business ideas, it was very clear that this friend had sold them to him.

Whenever he was in need of a counselor for his schemes, he would claim it to be his friend who got him in touch with the right people. This whole situation felt weird as we would always do such things together as a partnership, never starting anything without involving each other. I felt disregarded when he started to bring along this friend in everything and only talked to me about his plans after decisions were already made.

Because of that, I felt completely disconnected from him as if the new friend who had taken my place was there all the time. When I tried to share my feelings with him, he rejected my worries as being too sensitive. Luckily, during a visit, I stumbled upon the receipts for the chairs he purchased and it turned out the buyer was a woman.

After I confronted him, he confessed to telling a lie. “What would your reaction have been if I told you that the chairs were bought by my ex-girlfriend?” he queried, justifying his reluctance to let me know by saying that he feared I would jump to conclusions. But I felt even more so that my concerns were justified, especially since those were the projects that he was pursuing and they were influenced by his ex.

He was attempting to hide the fact that it was him along with another woman who made me feel excluded from my marriage, but his carelessness with the receipts betrayed him. “I am sorry,” he spoke, “Now that I know it upsets you, I’ll just stop communicating with her.” I didn’t just take his word for it; I got in touch with the lady myself.

She expressed her regret for the problems that had been in our marriage and assured that she would not talk to my husband anymore. I was not suspicious that there was anything along those lines between them, so I decided to put all my efforts into the children and keep trying to make my marriage work.

Not long ago, I found out that the woman’s brother is giving my husband advice regarding a new venture. It was this same woman who gave him the idea for the business. What puzzles me is that she was not a part of his life before we got married. He only mentioned her in passing as if he had had a short relationship before me, but that was all.

At the time of our marriage, she was completely out of the picture and our relationship was in perfect harmony. So why, after ten years, has she suddenly come back and forced herself into our lives? By the way, she is a recently divorced woman, and she has a child with her former husband.

It appears that she came into my husband’s life right after her divorce was finalized. When I found out they were still talking, I confronted him for the second time. “It’s not her fault we still talk. She gives good business advice, so I reach out to her when I need guidance,” he said. To him, it’s perfectly okay to get her opinion, but I have a different view on that.

Now I am really perplexed. How can a woman, who has quit her marriage, turn into a threat to mine? I require guidance on how to deal with this matter before it becomes worse.

—Lordina

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