We’ve Been in the Talking Stage Too Long

On September 1st, 2022, I began talking to a lady through social media. I was then 30 and she was 31. After exchanging some words, she let me have her phone number so that we could talk easier. Our chats were not frequent, but they were very significant, and I had soon found myself having romantic feelings for her. When I proposed to her to be my girlfriend, she said no but rather offered that we should stay friends and wait for the outcome together. I got her point.

The major part of our contact was through the messages but one day I thought of calling her. I could feel her joy when she heard my voice. At that moment she was doing her internship at a psychiatric hospital, so I made sure to keep her company until her shift was over.

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As we talked more and more, we felt really close, almost as if we had been friends for a long time. When she completed her internship and came back to college, I could see that she was in a financial crisis. She never ever mentioned it, but I couldn't help but feel the urge to send her a small token of love. I was just a jobless graduate, but still, I wanted to be there for her.

That's when our relationship started to become stronger. She used to wake me up in the morning before her class and then again after class and we would talk every day. One night she asked me to help her with her electricity bill, and I sent her a little something again. The way she thanked me made me feel as if I had given her a treasure! It filled me with joy and I thought, "If this little gesture makes her that happy, then I will give her gifts regularly."

Every single time I did, she always treated me like the only man in her life. It was even her that spoke about wanting to have a face-to-face meeting prior to the decision of giving her my proposal. December was when we were to meet, but it fell through. I was let down, however, it did not have any consequence on our friendship.

A little after the new year began, she said to me “There is a man here who is showing interest in me. He has sent someone from the elders to negotiate with my family.” I got the picture that in a minute my chances were gone. What she said was that she was not interested, but they told her that she should consider accepting the offer.

Then in the month of May, she was calling asking for assistance again. I sent her a little, but this time, instead of her usual thanks, I felt regret and sorrow in her voice. She even remarked, “Excuse me if I am unable to pay you back.”

She did not go into detail, but she kept calling and talking to me as if everything was the same. Whenever she wanted something off me, she would get in touch and I would try to help if I could.

To be honest, she has a gift of gab that might convince you and make you think that she is the most moral woman on Earth. Maybe that was my downfall.

She recently made a trip from Tamale to Accra and she was aware that I was in Accra but she did not contact me to inform me or to meet. Later on, she accused me of not trying hard enough to see her. It was all very confusing but I decided that it would be best just to let things happen quietly.

During one of the calls, she got another call. When she came back, she said it was from the same guy whom her family was compelling her to marry. I didn’t utter a word but I could not help but wonder why she did not call him when she was in need.

It has already passed a year since we started our conversations and it looks like she still does not have any sincere love for me. I am only remembered when she wants something, but apart from that, I feel like I do not exist.

Our phone conversations, which are so frequent, are the reason that every time I try to have a fresh start in the love department, it never gets off the ground. If a lady calls me up, her call will always come through as a waiting call. Every single time!

Now, I really want to finish this period of not being committed, but I am sure that if I stop calling she will call to ask why I have not spoken. Sometimes, I even think that she is sent to confuse me because I have no idea what she wants, and I am so unsure. Why can’t she just have the man she has chosen to marry?

She says that it is me that she wants, but why would she not tell me the part I play in her life? We have been in a talking stage since the last year. Who does that?

I am not the type to go for confrontations, and that is why I always overlook things. Nevertheless, I want to break up with her. What is the most peaceful way? I am apprehensive about doing anything that would cause enmity between us.

—Gabs

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