My Wedding Was A Battlefield And I Was The Enemy

Our relationship was destinated from above as from the on set of dating. I met James whom I was very close to. However, things started crimpling on the way toward our destinated love. In this we got some arguments for around two years.

Through this had several reconciliation, convincing differences but we thought it was a start of the strengthening of our bonds.  We were on this situation for a while. In my mind had a quest to allow the reconciliation as earlier to allow growth of our love. It’s the friends who then saw our issues were so much.  I held the truth that love might be big for me and then I have to avoid disagreement. 

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Wedding plans that we had, laid the true identity of the couples we were to move to marriage. This time every detail was a point battle field for us to debate. In every detail this was a source of conflict. My husband did not want to compromise anything for our sinking marriage rather he held every instruction given to him from her mother. He was more loyal to his mother. In everything her mother approval was at the helm of his decision. 

 In arrangement of our marriage his mother was the one whom was required to approve things like food, vendor and even most importantly my wedding dress. When I try to convince him, nothing happened rather he could consult his mother first. In contract to my view, I thought am controlled and dismissed any of my contributing ideas in marriage.

While I waited him to change, he didn’t even think of it. Since I was a good thinker. There was no reason for me to allow him coerce me to stay in this marriage. His mother is not entitled to dictate what happens in our wedding. The true picture of our wedding that need to be discussed by both side other families brought fight and chaos.  This was as a result of my husband ignoring my mother’s input rather, he takes his mother input prioritized.  I had tried to fight so that my voice maybe heard but I thought this may be too much for me. After all nothing changed. In addition, even after attending the counselling, get guideline on how to live as a couple things escalated, more arguments as a clear sign believed to be a warning signals rather, I relied on love to fix this thing.

The day before the actual date of our marriage, his mother confronted me with several accusation and abuse hauled on me. In this instance I did not sit down to listen the abuse, rather I was provoked and I defended myself like nothing else from insults.  I had insisted that I have got the voice in my family.  This time all my husband was there listening to us. He told me to keep quiet, and congratulated his mother in every word she insulted me. In this situation I decided now to express my hidden frustration from a man whom is supposed to defend me from his in-law’s abuse. He said “I not marry any woman who disrespects my mother at any cost”. After this incident he left.

That evening, we ate but we did not talk that whole night and even in the morning.  The day of the wedding I decide to prepare for it in dilemma, confusion, fear and the emotional pain that I endured all this time. For some period, I checked my phone to see the time and if he had call me. When he arrived in the church things were not really good, he did not acknowledge me as a wife even my exist in his mind. Ceremony felt like we are forcing the performance with the agony smiles. The ceremony went on as planned but with minimal acceptance from in-laws. At the reception, he decided to leave early then he never came back.

After the wedding he went to live with his mother. I am struggled alone in our houses. From that day the ceremony ended we have never lived together as a couples rather strangers. My family has tried so much to help us solve the problem that might cost our marriage in contrary I feel like detaching from this marriage. Probably from my own view he wanted a wife who is quiet so that he can mistreat her and make her learn hard way. On the other hand, I wanted a husband who is a man and able to defend his family at all costs. I regret the process of wedding and trusting my mind that love could at one time make things good for us.

Right now, I am really sorry for myself, exhausted and emotionally empty.  I know he might want to fix things but he has nothing to offer left. He is really a demon. What I really yearn for is that our marriage end and to get a peace of mind. I do not know in which way should I go to end this. This struggle and pain are really exhausting my mentor capability and thing.

- Vivian

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