Unwanted From Birth Yet Still Troubling The World

From the very beginning, I am convinced my family didn’t want me. My mother wanted to abort but after that failed, she left me at the hospital where I was born. Luckily, the police came across me and took me straight to my grandmother’s house. This saga is constantly in my head because my family was always there to tell me I was not wanted.

I spent my first few years with my aunt but when I was five my father took me in and I had to live with him and my stepmother. I thought, “At last, I will know the love of a parent.” How wrong I was! Not one day passed without him abusing me verbally, always putting in my face that his taking care of me was only a burden to him. Such words pulverized my soul.

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However, by the time I reached high school, everything turned upside down. A guy started a rumor about me saying that we were having sex while in fact I hadn’t even kissed anyone at that age. My father did not take my side when he heard the gossip. I gradually made some foolish mistakes coming from my angry and hurt feelings. Eventually, I lost my virginity to a guy whom I thought would help me to prove to my dad that I was still a virgin even though I had no evidence to show him. I now see it as a silly act.

I passed my exams with flying colors and the possibility of getting admission into university was mine, but my father cut off the financial help with the argument that I had to take up remedial classes first. I didn’t understand his reasoning, so I just dropped the whole thing.

While I was contemplating my next moves, my father was constantly bringing home different women. I never took any of them to heart that made him furious. He claimed that I was being disrespectful to his girlfriends and said that if I kept pushing them away, he would turn to me to get his needs met. Not wanting to escalate the situation I left home straight away.

I went to live with a pastor whom I thought would help me get a better education. I had no idea I was moving from one tough situation to another. He exploited my weakness and used me as he wished. I lost the count of the times I got pregnant. After going through several abortions, I made up my mind to keep the last pregnancy, and that resulted in my first child being born.

He was never the one to keep his word when it came to helping me get a university education. Still, I was determined to go on with my studies. I went back home, but my father couldn’t bear the sound of my baby crying. So, I managed to save some money and get a small place for myself.

Because it was tough to find a well-paying job, I had to struggle to pay my rent and finally had to go back to the village where we came from. My plan was to retreat and come back to the city with a fresh start. During this period I met Kwesi who was the first man ever to show me true kindness. He was the first person whose love I really felt and my dependence on his affection made me blind to his shortcomings.

It wasn’t long before I found out he had the power of leaving me when I was pregnant with his child. He was extremely irresponsible. No matter what I went through, I never gave up. I packed my stuff and took my baby back to the city. The good news is that a relative volunteered to look after my first child.

In the urban area, I put in a lot of effort and was able to take care of myself during my studies. By the grace of God, I am now a teacher graduated, working in a private school, and looking after my child.

To a certain extent, my life is a struggle. I have been treated in various ways and have received judgment, especially being a single mother. All I want is to live in a place that radiates love and joy; however, it looks like it is too far for me to accomplish that. People tend to stare at women like me as if we have committed a crime.

Is there going to be a time when single mothers will not be judged but instead supported? Raising kids is a tough task even when there is a partner around, so just think about how it feels doing it all by yourself. Kindly do not pass quick judgment on a single mother; most of us have very painful stories hidden deep inside.

—Ajeley

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