The Ones We Help Are The One That Damages Us

One time I got into a disagreement with a guy called James. I was so upset that I went with my friend to my pastor to report him. While I was talking about how bothered I was, William, who wasn’t there when the issue happened interrupted me and told the pastor it was just banter. So he should not take me seriously.

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I was mad at her. Why would she invalidate my feelings like that? I felt someone who truly cared about me wouldn’t do that. I told myself that going forward, I would stay away from her. When she noticed my distance, she reported me to our pastor. The pastor encouraged us to be friends again, but I wanted to keep my peace.

I didn’t get my heart’s desires. I blame it on James. He was the one who started all this drama when he started calling me after our altercation. I refused to answer at first but he was relentless. When I eventually picked up he said he liked William.

“She is playing hard to get. As her friend, can you talk to her for me?”

“I don’t want to get involved but if you are serious about marrying her, see our pastor about it.”

When he refused, I told him I could not help him. The entire time he was trying to change my mind, William stood firm in her decision not to marry him. I decided it wasn’t my business.

One day in church, the pastor asked those who wanted marriage to step forward. I did not go because I am not in a rush. However, the pastor called me forward. I refused, but he insisted, so I went. Just when he was about to pray, my friend also joined us. Out of curiosity, I asked her why. She told me point blank. I should mind my business? I was hurt but I took it in good faith.

After the service, James called to check up on me. I sounded low. He asked if everything was okay. I responded, “I am minding my business, just as someone told me to.” I didn’t mention anyone’s name.

That very week, my church elders called me for a meeting. When I arrived, I saw my William there too. They asked me what she had done to me. I said nothing. I am not afraid to speak, but because of my upbringing, I always keep things inside. As a child, whenever I got hurt, I was told to suck it up.

While I chose not to talk, she blurted out that we are rivals. I was shocked. She accused me of trying to ruin her relationship with James. All because he told her what I said about minding my business. She said I did that in an attempt to snatch her boyfriend. She even added that since he talks to me every day, it means I want him.

At that point, I broke down in tears because I never had bad intentions toward her. If she had fears she could have told me. Why did she choose to bring it up in front of our church elders?

I have been nothing but a friend to her but she never misses the chance to double-cross me. For instance, when I started selling goods, I did it alone. She didn’t have anything going for herself financially. As a good friend, I introduced her to trading.

Right from the beginning, I warned her not to sell the exact items I was selling. I deal in ladies’ bags, slippers, high heels, and dresses. So she sold boxers, singlets, underwear, and other things. We hawked our wares together. I showed her all the places she could get good market. I also taught her how to price her goods and negotiate fairly. I even introduced her to my customers.

After our issues about James, I fell sick and could not sell for two weeks. My customers called to inform me that my dear friend had started selling the exact items I sell. I did not believe them.

Later, she travelled to Nakuru to buy goods. She wanted me to go with her but I was still weak, so I asked my sister who was in Nakuru to help her. That evening, my sister called to warn me to be careful of William.

 “She bought exactly the same things you sell.”

I still didn’t believe it until I them myself on her WhatsApp status. Some of my customers also sent me videos of her selling those items. Up till today, I have not asked her about it. I leave her to God.

—Vivian

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