The Effect Of Choosing School Over Love Hurts

At this point in my life, the thought of marriage is something that I am really wanting to have. The sense of isolation which I experience is slowly making me to regret the decision I made to turn down the man who during my school days was bent on marrying me. Even though I have a boyfriend at the moment, it’s Emil who takes up my mind when I visualize the future of having a husband and a kid. I want everything he desired from me before, only that it seems like it’s too late. He has gone on with his life, while all I can do is stay here and wish for him.

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I realize that he did very well to wait for me. The moment we saw each other in 2022, he was a man who decided to wait until I picked him. I was working in a hardware shop to save money for university when he came in to buy something, and we just hit it off as friends.

He was my rock. Even as a mere friend he was the one who always stayed with me in the hospital whenever I got sick, and he would wait till I got better and was discharged. I remember when he first proposed going out as lovers, I rejected him saying, "I don’t know if I gave you the wrong impression, but I already have a boyfriend." He was not put off by that; he still believed that in the end, he would be the one.

I was awarded a scholarship to study midwifery outside the capital, Emil was very upset. He wanted to tie me down and be with him instead of sending me away for school. I didn’t care about his feelings and I kept on with my studies.

The moment I left, my so-called boyfriend didn't bother to contact me anymore. That's when I accepted Emil as my boyfriend. The relationship was long-distance and lasted for two months, during which he supported me financially. Yet, he was dissatisfied with my education. He would frequently talk me into quitting and moving with him to the urban area, which ultimately caused our first split.

During the 2024 Christmas period, I went back to my hometown, and we got back together and everything was perfect again. He had done a lot to improve his situation such as getting a great job and being more financially secure, which contributed to my liking him again. He also loved me, visiting my house which allowed my family to meet him.

As my final year was coming up, he proposed that I get pregnant. He told me that it wouldn’t be necessary for me to finish school because he was going to support me and take care of our family. I was aware of his capability, but that was not the life I was planning for myself. I wanted to have a profession, be independent financially, and walk my path. When I communicated this to him, he broke up with me again.

I returned to school but the thought that I had made a serious error in the matter of selecting education over the man I really loved kept haunting me. Nobody has ever been so intimately loved by me as he was. We always talked and shared everything; we were perfect together.

It was during the time of my final examinations that he found himself in the same town where I was conducting my fieldwork. Even though our relationship was over, we managed to meet and spent some precious moments together before he took off once more.

I received my diploma, went back to my hometown, and got a nice job that pays me well. I’ve done all the things I planned to do, but I still experience loneliness. I’m involved with another person now, but my memories of Emil still haunt me. I’m aware he has a new love in his life, but my thoughts are still with him.

At the age of 23, I am very much ready to marry and grow roots. I would like to invest my time in my present partner so that we could realize that desire. I’ve done everything possible, yet it’s still Emil who is taking up my thoughts.

—Esther

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