The Comedic Aspect of My Wife’s Entitlement in Marriage

I have endured this for twelve years; always keeping quiet. The reading of another man's tale on this site was what finally encouraged me to speak. His description of a wife with a sense of rightness was exactly like my situation. I am in the same state. I am married for twelve years and have three kids, the eldest turned ten.

FOLLOW US ON WHATSAPP CHANNEL TO GET EVERY STORY IN YOUR INBOX

To be truthful, I was attracted to my wife only for her looks. At that time, she was only nineteen and I had no doubts that she was the most beautiful girl in the universe. My mind was always running with the thought that, if I didn't act soon, someone else would get her or she would be gone. I had just finished my degree and was doing national service, surviving on a small NSS stipend. However, the fear of losing her was so overpowering that we got married.

I have suffered in this marriage for years but the main problems started about six years ago when it looked like she was convinced that she was entitled to much more than I could offer. The burden of the situation has been so heavy that sometimes I have considered taking my own life.

The tragic irony of the situation is that perhaps I was the cause of the change. After giving birth to our first child, she was not only in agony but also had to endure a great deal of movement restrictions. We went through a lot of troubles and efforts, including so-called bone setters, yet nothing managed to help her. My idea was to get her a gym membership. Taking fitness classes did remove some pain from her body but at the same time, it connected her to a new group of friends. The lady who came back from there was not the same—she changed into a haughty and rude one, sometimes telling me that I didn't care for her nor loved her like other men. She who was once so thankful now became a very demanding person with no limit.

I have to confess that I fell short of expectations when I tied the knot with her. Like the man in the other narrative, she was a Senior High School graduate with low grades. I tried to help her by getting her to take NOV/DEC classes. When those results were even worse, I felt responsible and started teaching her myself, but the results were still quite disappointing.

In the end, we came to the conclusion that trading was the best way for her. We opened a small business by the road selling sandals made in Kenya. I was so much into it that I left home as early as 5 am to get the place ready for her. She would come at around 7:30 am and I would then go to my own job. We did this for almost three years and it was a good time. She was honest about the money, showing me everything. Thanks to God’s grace, we were able to build our own house.

Yet, merely after one month of settling in, our house was burglarized during the day because it was unoccupied. I decided to start her a provision shop right at home to avoid a repeat of such an incident. I went all out and purchased a double-decker fridge and a deep freezer and also gave her cash 10,000 Ksh. This was six years ago during a non-inflated economy.

The shop’s opening was a turning point for everything. My wife has never told me if the business is making money or losing money. I have attempted to give her my suggestions as I am in the field of trading but she does not want to hear them. Her method is to buy one bar of soap, sell it, take her profit, and then buy another bar, instead of buying in bulk. A proper business should not be out of stock when customers come, but she seems to think that if she saves 10 shillings for ten years without using it, its value will remain the same. Now she is keeping everything from me. I am totally in the dark about the value of the business, and she keeps saying that she has no money. How am I going to inject more money into a business that is so secretive about its operations?

Even her family is not privy to this secrecy. I happened to hear her talk to her mother on the phone last month. She was sending money and trying to tell her mother the amount by saying “2, 2, 2,” while her mother, who is illiterate, was constantly asking “How much?” Let me clarify, I don’t mind her helping her family. Actually, if she had notified me in advance and the amount was small, I would even have been able to contribute. I have done a lot for her family out of goodwill without seeking acknowledgment.

I, the provider of all essentials in this house, wish the best for her enterprise since no one knows the future, but her financial secretiveness hurts me and makes me upset.

On one hand, I am not really the type to rant. I prefer not to share my problems and absorb the pain silently out of concern for others’ opinion. She looks like a very sweet and quiet person to the outside world. However, she is the one that makes the most noise at home, and the sound of her being is like that of a cricket, aka “Tiger.” She is very talkative, and for every word I utter, she has ten always prepared. Besides, I am so weak that I can’t help but act when I see her with a sad face.

Not long ago, my blood pressure was really high due to all this emotional turmoil and causing me severe health problems at the same time. Our physical intimacy is almost nonexistent. I am the one that always starts the process, and she would only agree when she feels like it, which actually means just lying there like a log. What’s worse, I never know when that mood will come. Sometimes she can go on for months without having sex and to her it’s like nothing happened. I am very different; I can’t go without it for a week, but she doesn’t care. This neglect once brought me to cheat on her which I regretted so deeply that I managed to quit because it goes against my nature. The temptation is still there, but I always lose it to guilt. After four years of this, it is quite clear to me that love for me has gone out from her. She is just hanging in there for the financial security.

I am currently thinking of moving to another country in search of better opportunities. One of the reasons I want to leave my current situation is that I want to secure a future for my children and myself. My wife's support during tough times is something that I don’t count on, so I want to be sure that nothing will happen to us. There are times when we are together at home, and she will make breakfast only for her, without even asking me if I want to eat. Just so you know, she is making breakfast with the groceries I bought. On the other hand, I cannot treat her that way. Whenever I have cooked, I always call her and make sure she has her share.

My wife’s treatment of me is not the only thing that bothers me, but I am also very worried about the kids. She is rude to them and thinks they are not sensitive at all. They have to agree with her on every issue and eat whatever she gives them, even if they wish for something else. She is a tyrant, and I am just the opposite.

My friends, I am no longer able to cope with this. I am under constant stress. I have almost lost hope. I am begging you for your guidance. What am I supposed to do?

—Melvin

This story was shared with us by someone like you. If you have a story too, send it via email: editorial@etechx.co.ke.

Thanks for reading! If you have enjoyed this post, hit the share button and help others read it. You can also visit our Facebook page and stay updated when we publish new posts.