My Loyalty Was to a Man, Who Deceived Me

Even though my family was not rich, we were very happy. There was love, peace, and respect all around us. My parents were the model couple for everybody to look up to. I, as a little girl, always wished to have the same relationship as they had. They were very open with their love, prayed together, and taught us to have strong faith.

Viewing them brought the thought of marriage being a divine thing to my mind. I held the faith that the love would be eternal. “If a house is built on God, it will not fall,” I thought.

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Due to this belief, I stayed in church, offered my youth to God, and set myself for the future husband I pray would come. While I was praying, I was waiting on God. I’m serious—throughout my life, I never had a boyfriend. I never had any romantic interests. I was sure that my obedience and purity would produce a peaceful home.

Then came the day when I married a youth pastor who was young and liked to be around people. My happiness was enormous. I thought my waiting had finally been rewarded. God had granted my prayers.

My dear ones, it seems to me like my spouse has sworn to be unfaithful to every woman who comes around. He has no guilt at all when he cheats, and now and then I wonder if he even recalls that he is a pastor. I have gone through and I have heard things that have left me in tears till no more tears could come out.

I have been trying to be strong for my children. I always say that I want them to have a stable home, but this place now seems like a jail to me. I am so tired of pretending, so exhausted of covering my hurt with a smile in church.

At times, I have the impression that God has treated me badly. I am unable to go against my vows they don’t fit my personality. That's not the way I was brought up. Still, I have never really known what love is. Day by day, I feel void. Alone. Useless.

Sometimes, I wonder the same as God, why I had to remain faithful for 26 years, only to end up in this situation. What wrong have I done? Is my waiting worthless?

In my dreams, there was only a serene marriage and a loving house. Instead of that, I have been handed a life that is nothing but deceit and sorrow.

—Glossy

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