My Heartache After Loving You Profoundly

Dear Lover,

You were my "Special and Temperate," and I repeatedly called you in my mind with those nicknames. There is a lot of emotional power in the word 'sunshine' when used by you. The breakup has occurred five months ago, but the pain is still so fresh. I grieve for you every night, and it is hard for me to get rid of the hurt because the love I have for you is so huge.

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We met in a Facebook group and there was an instant chemistry between us. There was always so much to say, and I particularly loved the way you were sharing your dreams and plans with me. I felt like I was being valued and included in your life. I opened up about my past relationships' difficulties, and you not only promised but also made me feel like bringing you joy as well as uplifting my mood would be your life's mission. I was encouraged by your words. The day you sent me to your parents, I thought that I was the luckiest person in the world and that I had just crossed a very important step in your life. But it seems that you quickly got bored of me.

In no time at all everything was turned upside down, and even my easiest queries were enough to irritate you. You were the one telling me to be open and to ask any questions that were bothering me. And so I did, but instead it was chaos that followed.

I never thought that asking about your well-being and your day and if you had food would become the source of annoyance between us. I even talked to your friend without letting him know and she said that it might be your job stressing you out. But I could not understand that if it was the case why wouldn't you share it with me? I really hoped that the sudden change of feelings on my part could be easily fixed by merely loving each other more. Whatever the reason was I was ready to do anything to sort it out. I would not allow this relationship to fade away like the others. No, not this time! I was even willing to give it my all.

Then one night, I happened to see you on a video call with another girl in my presence, and I felt sidelined and unimportant. How could you be so oblivious to my existence while flirting with someone else? A huge fight broke out that night, which I think is common for every couple. Yet, I do not remember having said many of the things that you put on me. I never said, "You've done yourself a huge favor by dating me." I am positive about this. Regardless of the situation, I would never put you down in such a manner. My feelings for you were too strong. Even in that case, I asked you to forgive me twice when you told me that you were no longer interested in the relationship and that you had found a new girlfriend. I was heartbroken. The pain was too much. You were aware of everything that I had shared with you about my past, and you were the last person that I would have expected this from; your promises and reassurances were so authentic that I felt them. We did face some problems and disagreements, but we could have overcome them. I was not ready to throw in the towel. I wanted it to happen. I was on the phone with you pleading for dialogue and understanding, but your decision was already made. Then it happened, the unimaginable; you blocked me. Can a lover actually do that?

Seeing you at a party last week made me recognize that I still had not gotten over you. I still let you have an impact on me, despite everything you said and your blocking me on Facebook. You would probably deny it, but I saw something through your eyes during that kiss. I figured that the situation would be back to normal after that day, but it turned out otherwise. You were very decisive, sticking to your words. I must have been very naive to think that things would be different.

Till now, I still don't get the reason why you treated me so cruelly. You make me think that you came into my life only to live through it and then leave. Your behavior makes me wonder if you are one of those people who use Facebook to deceive others. However, it is a bitter reality that I am still in love with you and want to have you as mine. The pain does not go away even after five months.

I keep on remembering the most painful things you told me when you were still in my life and had not blocked my number.

By the way, happy belated birthday! I wish you all the best and good health. I just pray that this letter will find you. I would be glad to hear from you. Let's meet and talk, this will be such a great way of resolving our differences. Who knows, it might even help to a small extent in healing my wounds.

- Your Light

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