My Father’s Love Shaped My Life Big Time

My father did not allow me to make friendships at all. He was very controlling and strict. He would not just chase a boy talking to me away but would also yell at him never to come near me again. Afterward, he would tell me all the reasons why it was wrong to talk to boys, worrying that one of them could get me pregnant. My mother often sent me to run errands across the street and he would trail me in the dark. I discovered this only after stopping to converse with a male classmate when a man tried to separate us.

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Being the last one and the only girl among the five, my dad was very protective which was not liked by my mom. His strictness was the main obstacle to my socializing with boys at school. It became even heavier in college. I'm not a boy and I did everything possible to not have any contact with them. The only boy who was interested in being my boyfriend was the one that broke up with me because I refused to kiss him. I was not ready for it and I was also lost as to how to handle that.

You might think that my father would relax after I got my college degree, but he didn't. He advised my friend William to be careful, if he had any bad intentions, He said, "If you hurt my daughter, I will get you. You should be warned."

Eventually, William faded away from my life. My father would say, "You think I am overreacting but just look at the circumstance," after he and my mom had another argument. "You think I am a bad parent and I am bringing up a future lawyer?"

My encounter with Amos at church, which happened during my first year in law school, was the reason why I went home after all. Outside the church, we were talking, not knowing at all that my dad was watching us from inside. Amos, because he was new in the neighborhood, said that he had never spotted me at church before. I replied that I had just returned from school. He requested my number so that he could get closer to me, and at that moment, I was inputting it into his phone when my father suddenly came.

Once I was done entering my number, I passed the phone back to Amos. My dad walked towards him first looking at his face and then at mine. "Are you Mr. Amwaka's son?" he questioned. Amos answered with a nod. "What do you want my daughter's number for?" my father went on.

I was telling my dad that Amos was a friend who had lost my number and that I was just giving it back to him, while Joseph was looking at me bewildered. My father said, "You can't even lie correctly. I know him better than you do because I know his father. If you don't feel good about her, delete her number," he told Amos. "But before you do anything that is not right, I will talk to your father and call him as a witness."

I was in class when Joseph called. My dad went to meet Joseph's father and told him that we were dating, so he should be the witness. I was enraged while he was chuckling. "Don't worry," he said. "It will be an easy job for him. What do you say? The two old men know we are dating."

It was not until I had gained trust in Amos that I answered. Dad would see him at church and ask how I am and when we last talked. On some days, his father would call to find out how I was doing academically. They were watching over us and holding our hands through the success process, thus leaving us no room for errors. The next day after my bar exam, he asked me to marry him.

On our wedding day, my father said to me, "I shall not stop seeing you just because my work is finished. Let your past and upbringing show through in your house and marriage. If you do, you will never have to bring your things back home."

He still talks my husband. Occasionally during their talks, he inquires if I am living up to the standards of a good wife. When he mentions me, his tone conveys that he is very proud and happy. To have all his offspring in happy unions rather than the alternative, comes to him as a dream come true. It turned out well, hence, I don't consider it a bad thing, though I am not sure if I will bring up my children in the same way he did with me.

—cindy

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