Many Relationship Has Ended Due To Grievance

Three years ago, Sammy proposed to me. At that time, I had just emerged from a painful breakup and wanted nothing to do with love. I told him, “No, I’m not interested in being in a relationship right now. I’m just exhausted by you guys. You come with all the sweet talk, and then you change as if you weren’t the same people who once begged for our attention.” He recognized that I was projecting my feelings onto him and asked me to see him for who he truly was. I tried, but I didn’t find anything that made me fall for him. I dismissed his proposal and continued with my life. He would occasionally ask me to reconsider, and I honestly told him I wasn’t ready for love.

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I was still grieving the end of a two-year relationship with David, who had been everything I wanted in a partner. He loved me, and it was evident. I gave him my all—my words, my feelings, everything. But when it was time for him to leave, he sent me a text instead of having the decency to break up in person. He wrote, “I don’t think we can continue this relationship. I love you, but for various reasons, I can’t stay forever. You’re a beautiful girl, and one day the right guy will find you, and you’ll be happy.”

I called him, texted him, and even sent a voice note, crying and pleading for him not to leave. I spent a whole month begging him to stay, but he wouldn’t even look at me. While I was trying to hold on, he was asking me to leave him alone. It was during this tumultuous time that Sammy came along with his proposal. I didn’t have the emotional capacity to entertain him or consider his offer. At times, I was even rude to him, but he persisted. Eventually, I stopped answering his calls and texts.

Then, Sammy traveled. Before he left, he sent me a message expressing his desire to stay in touch, even though I wasn’t communicating with him. I replied, “Safe travels, and I hope you find a woman where you’re going.” Once he arrived in Accra, he messaged me daily about his experiences. I didn’t respond, but he continued to reach out. After a few weeks, he stopped contacting me. Although I wasn’t hearing from him, he occasionally crossed my mind, and I wondered what he was up to. Eventually, I healed and opened my heart to someone else, a guy I knew from church. A few months into that relationship, Sammy returned to town and reminded me of his proposal.

I told him, “This just proves that we’re not meant to be together. You always show up at the wrong time. A few months ago, I was available, but you were nowhere to be found. You only appeared when I had moved on.” He didn’t give up, perhaps thinking I was lying or using someone else as an excuse to push him away. He kept pursuing me until I introduced my boyfriend to him. I shouldn’t have done that, but I felt I had to prove I was in a relationship. I saw the hurt in his eyes and felt the disappointment in his voice when he said, “No problem. Be happy.”

He stepped back from my love life, but we still talked when it was convenient. I was busy writing a new love story with the church guy and enjoying every moment. Eight months later, things began to unravel. He wasn’t communicating with me as he used to, often missing my calls and not returning them. He wasn’t attending church regularly either, offering only excuses. I had to beg just to see him at his house. His behavior mirrored that of my ex when he wanted out of our relationship. It was clear, but I didn’t want to accept that an eight-month relationship could end. I was desperately trying to hold everything together, patching things up to prevent a collapse. It’s exhausting and soul-crushing to try to save a relationship that doesn’t want to be saved.

Eventually, I grew tired and stopped trying. It was only then that the truth became clear. He had found another woman in the church—someone more successful than I was, with a great job and a beautiful car, and she was clearly in love with him too. When I realized this, I withdrew. It was difficult, but I couldn’t fight a battle I had no chance of winning. I returned home feeling single, lonely, and broken. Sammy noticed my state of mind and tried to help. He called often to check on me, asked me out, and made jokes to lift my spirits. I was jilted just a week before my birthday, and it was Sammy who got me a gift and sang happy birthday to me.

Three months later, I’m completely healed, thanks to Sammy’s support. He was there for me from the beginning and helped me move on quickly. The problem now is that Sammy hasn’t proposed again during this time. He has been busy being a supportive friend, seemingly forgetting that this is the moment he should make his move. I’ve been waiting. Throughout the years I said no to him, he never left my side, always giving me the chance to see him for who he truly is. I’ve fallen in love with him now, and I would say yes if he proposed today, but as I write this, there’s nothing in his demeanor that suggests he’s planning to propose anytime soon.

I’ve made it clear that I’m available. Whenever we talk, I try to steer the conversation toward relationships. I asked if he was in love with someone else, and he said no, then fell silent. I’ve been trying to create a space where we can openly discuss relationship matters, but he hasn’t taken the bait. I’ve used every trick in the book to encourage him to propose again, but nothing has worked. Should I just accept his previous proposal? Something like, “Sammy, remember that proposal you made a while back? The one where you wanted me to be your girlfriend? Well, I accept.”

Does that make sense?

I’m not looking at anyone else. I’m here for him and want to keep things uncomplicated as we move forward. What can I do to encourage him to propose again? I don’t want to come across as desperate. I don’t want to be the one proposing because I’m in love. I want things to unfold naturally, with him being the one to propose while I gaze into his eyes and say yes. I want to relive that feeling of new love and the way it softens the heart. I want to feel needed. Yes, I’ve made mistakes in the past, but this time, I believe it will work with Sammy. How do I go about it?

–Fantasia

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