I Survived A Toxic Relationship And Forgave

Dear PK,

It is quite hard for me to come to terms with the fact that the way you showed love was the same as my experience since those years we shared were nothing but very tough for me. You might still be reminiscing about my deciding not to go through with our marriage, and that is quite comprehensible. Nevertheless, your utterances throughout the relationship were mostly detrimental to my being.

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I doubted my self-worth and self-respect because I put up with so much just to be the perfect partner for you. You thought no offense communication was a good signal to be sent your way. Besides all this, you were constantly pointing out my shortcomings and my efforts and sacrifices were just dismissed as nothing. I have not yet come to terms with it all and am still working on it.

I wish to thank you for the very important part you played in my life and the lessons that I have got from you. I value your choice of taking me as your wife, particularly because we had a child together, but I could not stand your behavior.

That was not the type of marriage I expected. I did not want to live with an enemy and pretend that all was well while I was going through emotional hell in my own house. It seems that you forgot that even though each one of us has a partner in purpose, we still have our needs. I am entitled to make my own decisions and to put my well-being first.

Do you know that I was battling extreme postpartum depression and had to fake the smile every day? Really, the only thing I needed during my childbirth was a person who would back me up, a person who would feel me, and a person who would give me a shoulder to cry on. My wish was to have you as that person, but you rather chose to berate my ability to be the once best partner for you.

Dealing with your problems while working in the hospital was a tough job. You always found a way to make me feel bad and even when you were wrong you never accepted your fault nor did you say sorry, but that is okay; I am getting better.

You were on my back every time simply because I didn't satisfy your sexual needs like I did before. Come on, PK! I was healing after C-section! It was not that I no longer loved you; my love for you was truly deep and I considered you to be my top priority. I put your dreams ahead of mine and supported you even when your family let you down. You know that I was not against your plans for the future just because of money.

My upbringing was such that no matter what I was to build a life with a man not to be a leech. I tried to talk, and God only knows how many times I tried to initiate talks, but you were too wrapped in your own world. You would always hold on to your position as the right one and I as the one at fault.

Indeed, God was there for me again when you left me. He held my hand and showed me my value. He gave me back my life, and just at the time I was thinking that I had lost our daughter, He raised her from the dead (our son was a blue baby). The Lord has granted me a new life, and I am going to spend it for His honor.

He rescued me from postpartum depression; yes, I had a hard time with my mental health after our son came. It is painful to think that you did not take into account what I was going through and thought that I merely got a second chance to discover myself and my true worth. I had other alternatives to pick from, and I selected life. I wanted to be joyful and the only way to do that was by leaving you. Your stubbornness has worn me out.

The fact is, I am not angry with you anymore, nor do I want to get back at you because God has been so generous to me. I have taken in His grace, and I will treat it that way. I forgive you, and my prayer for you is that you also come to happiness.

God has given me the most beautiful things out of the most worthless things. 

Best, 

- Esi

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