I Regret Rushing Into Marriage

My marriage took place in 2009 after I had been through a very painful romantic split. To be perfectly frank, I compromised my principles. I had no choice but to marry the first man who came along because at the age of thirty-two I felt that my time was up. On top of that, my family kept telling me that I was too old to stay single. This pressure in combination with my sorrow, drove me to marry a man whose life I knew very little about.

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It was just after the week of the wedding that I felt regret about my decision. I admit to myself that I was wrong but I gave myself hope that I would be able to make it work. My income was about four times that of my husband’s, hence it was quite logical that most of the financial obligations were on me. I was okay with it. All I wanted was a companion who would satisfy my emotional and physical needs. Unfortunately, he was not able to do that. The emotional and physical gap was the main cause of my suffering.

I was sexually active before getting married while my husband was not. I took it for granted that with time things would get better. Unfortunately, from the very first day, our intimacy was lifeless and mechanical. There were times when we could go for as long as three months without any intimacy, and even then, we had sex only if I was the one to initiate it.

After nine years of closeness, I moved to the USA and had to go through the process of the immigration petition for him to come to me. Truthfully, I was not that happy about having him here but I was wishing that perhaps he would change after a new environment. He arrived in the U.S. last September, and as I am typing this, we have only been intimate twice.

I have always kept everything to myself throughout the whole marriage. I was terrified that people would scorn me if they found out that I was emotionally and physically unfulfilled. Just recently, I finally found the courage to confess to my elder sister during a casual video call. I told her everything.

In disbelief, she gazed at me and shouted, "Wo agyimee oo!" My friend talked about me as if I were a fool for allowing such a thing to happen to me through marriage. Obstinately, she called my husband and queried him if he was really excluding my needs.

My husband, totally unrepentant, answered, "And what's the big deal if it’s true? People marry for various reasons and sexual relationship is not among them."

Then, a fierce argument broke out between my sister and him, but in the end, it had no effect at all. My husband has not changed; on the contrary, the situation has become worse.

I do not intend to commit adultery, however, divorce is frequently on my mind lately. What is left for me if I do not walk out? If I stay in this union, will this be the manner in which the rest of my life is spent?

—Salomey

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