I Loved Him But He Cheated On Me

Four years ago, Kwame let me know what he felt about me, and it showed not just through his words but also in his deeds. I was attracted to him as well, and I liked his composed and easy-going manner. Nonetheless, I was not able to fully commit to him then; it just wasn't the right time for me.

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As I was trying to create some space between us, he rang me one day and said, "Akosua, do not leave my life any way, even if we will not be together. I would never forgive myself if I lost you as a person."

I was all set to turn him down, but what he said hit home with me. He was a great guy, so why not just be friends?

Not long after, his mother fell sick and was taken to the hospital where my sister worked. That was the turning point of our relationship. The sheer fact of his love for her was so strong that it made me see him in a different light. Every time he was around, I liked him more and more.

Sadly, his mother died, and it was very hard for him. I wanted to be there for him, but I didn't know how to do it. The only person I could confide in was my sister.

He asked for my hand a few months after we started dating, and without any second thoughts, I said Yes.

The beginning of the relationship was like a fairy tale. He was always the perfect mate, which I liked. But then the situation flipped. One day, he wanted me to stay overnight when I went to see him. Initially, I was against it, but ultimately I capitulated. Later on, he expressed his regret, but the act was done, and I opted to overlook it.

Eventually, I learned that he had been in touch with his former partner. Some parts of their dialogue were a bit troubling. He assured me that he would no longer speak with her when I confronted him, but in fact, he did not. The two persisted in having occasional conversations.

Just when I was starting to get along with her, another lady came along. He was introduced to her by his relatives. I was feeling uncomfortable with their relationship, but he was adamant that they were just friends. The girl was aware of my existence and even said that he told her he was engaged, which gave me the comfort that their bond was not more than a friendship.

When the time came to make arrangements for our wedding, we had an argument about the religious place. My church was the one I recommended, but he turned it down.

Everything that he wanted for our wedding I had given up my will for, but this was one wish of mine that I had hoped he would grant out of love for me. His refusal made me confused about my role in the relationship. If I am so ready to accept his faults and he has made me a part of his plans, why can’t he do this one little thing for me?

I told him to wait with the marriage until I was able to sort out my thoughts.

Luckily, I was required to travel for business for just under three months. When I came back, I found out that he had been unfaithful to me with the same woman his family had introduced him to during my absence.

I adored him, nevertheless, the treachery was so excruciating that I couldn't bear the relationship anymore. No excuse he offered could diminish the extent of the betrayal. He even got in touch with my trusted friends, like my brother and sister, to convince me, but I was not ready to return.

It is more than a year now since our separation. I am attempting to forget him, but it is not easy. He is still in love with me and constantly begging me to take him back.

I have encountered a lot of people who would be the perfect match for him, yet Kwame remains my first love. He is gentle and loving, and those traits are still what keep me connected to him. Strangely enough, I have resumed communication with him. He always brings the topic of marriage, but I am in doubt. I have no idea whether he has really transformed.

Nevertheless, I am ready to grant him forgiveness for the struggle he put me through if he accedes to my one demand: that the wedding ceremony take place at my church. Would it be unwise to present him another opportunity if he accepts that? 

- Deborah

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