He Might Die If We Separate From Our Marriage

Throughout our existence, we meet and sometimes keep a few individuals who play a very special part in our hearts and minds. One such person was a guy with whom I got engaged. He wasn't the most handsome of all, but he was so charming that I could not help but admit it. He had a brilliant mind, which was the result of his life and education. He was a good, modest man, and I admired him a lot, and I saw myself with him for the rest of my life.

His look could put me in the clouds for a week. We shared a flat, which he had acquired; I was rather lucky to be employed in such a pleasant place nearby. It was not only his parents who lived in the vicinity; he was really close to them. When I first met him, I was a minor, but now we are here about to get married.

FOLLOW US ON WHATSAPP CHANNEL TO GET EVERY STORY IN YOUR INBOX

His name was Jackson. Once, he jokingly said that he would find it difficult to illustrate me since the color of my skin was the only hint he had. He said that we were of equal height, though I convinced myself that I was a bit taller. He asserted, “You are short, but you have a strong personality.” We spent our leisure time together having passionate discussions, as if we were a couple of attorneys from a family interrogating each other about the facts of the case.

To this day, I remember the moment he put the question to me that what a good man would have to do to win my love. It was a philosophical question, and it really depended on the asker, as well as on the reason. “I don’t think it’s very easy to get to you, but your being here gives me more happiness than you can imagine”, he told me. “I reasoned it that the only reason we couldn't have a relationship was that I was still with a boyfriend whom I did not want anymore.” I was shocked that someone would say this to me so openly.

Mondays and Fridays were his days to do nothing but work from home, and I always looked forward to those days since he was my main source of entertainment. He jokingly suggested that he could actually pay me to be his girlfriend because he was so lonely and desperate for a friend.

His desire was for a girl who would be loved by him and with whom he would have different type of connections. He would give an example of that by saying, "I am very good in relationships, and I will try to pull off the same level of attraction as my partner."

Once, during his trip, he perhaps secretly dated somebody else and at the same time felt ashamed of their relationship and was concerned about what his friends would think. He claimed that he wouldn't let his friends make fun of his girlfriend, knowing she was good. After a misunderstanding in Kenya, where he had a hard time communicating for quite a while, their relationship ended.

Speaking of which, I let him have my number written down after we greeted over the phone. He had to keep in touch. When he touched my arm, I saw tears in his eyes. I said, “I am ready. Let’s do this.”

I was guided by the feelings of empathy, maybe like a token of appreciation for all the good he had done to me. I had no intention to exploit him. Gradually, he became more sophisticated and more composed but I was driven by my own needs. When I felt trapped in my life, he offered me a bright future which seemed to come way too fast.

I used to say, "You are my all. Not hearing from you is like a sleep loss for me." He would get so angry that he wept even during our talks.

The connection we had was really strong, but inside me, I think I never really loved him. No matter how many expensive and fancy presents he gave me, I was still the same - a person who didn’t care. He put forward the idea that if I wouldn’t go with him to the United States, we could go there together and start a life ahead of us. He was so confused when I tried to explain my job to him. I sort of disappeared and hoped he would continue where we had stopped. But just after a week, his mother rang me up. “If you agree to try my son, we will hold you accountable every day,” she said. “He loves you.”

I was flooded with feelings. The thing he wanted was for his parents to know that he was seriously involved with me, but I was not ready for a wedding. “I can’t right now. I’m not going to be able to focus on my goals,” I told her. She said, “It’s okay, we will support you with what you need after the wedding.” I was still saying no with my reassurances, but I also exchanged phone numbers and they never called again.

Some time later, his father replaced me as a village teacher. He spotted me before I could speak. I really didn’t have to say anything. But he was suffering more emotionally than physically, and this came out as unsteady behavior. He passed away two years after that.

For a couple of months, I was in a deep confusion about my life direction. It’s painful to write this. Even if I had the power, what could I have done to make him survive? I simply did not go through that deep learning experience.

- Gloria

This story was shared with us by someone like you. If you have a story too, send it via email: editorial@etechx.co.ke.

Thanks for reading! If you have enjoyed this post, hit the share button and help others read it. You can also visit our Facebook page and stay updated when we publish new posts.