Barefoot While Others Drive

I am twenty-eight years old and presently jobless. This may seem like the start of a sorrowful story but ask for no pity just yet. I have been living at my parents’ house since I graduated, and if there is one thing I can say for sure after all these years, it is that I can pretend as if nothing is wrong when in fact it is.

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My mom wakes me up every morning with “Kweku, when are you going to work so that I can finally be at ease?” I grin and say, “Very soon.” I have been saying “very soon” for the last three years.

I’ve been doing a number of odd jobs to survive. I’ve worked as a driver for Uber in a rented car, been a mobile money attendant for two months until the owner accused me of stealing Ksh 172, and even run the social media of a tiny shop that never made a single sale.

Most of my friends are doing great. They have jobs in banks, tech companies, and even in government. Some of them are driving around in cars with names that are difficult for me to say. The same guys whom I used to buy waakye from are now talking in suits about “real estate” and “dividends.” Whenever I meet them, they say, “Chale, don’t be sad. Your time will come.” I respond with a nod and a laugh, but deep inside I am questioning, “When?”

My family is not a source of support either. My younger sister got her first job and began referring to me as “Senior Man,” not out of honor, but with a tinge of irony. Last Christmas, my uncle remarked that I was “the benchmark of what the youth should not strive to be.” Just picture listening to that at a family get-together while enjoying jollof rice. I almost strangled myself.

My girlfriend, whom I had dated for two years, chose a friend of mine over me. When she shared the news, she said, “You are a nice person, but I have to consider my future.” I cannot hold her responsible for her decision; on the contrary, I am trying to flee from myself as well.

Currently, I am supporting a different friend in launching a business. He refers to it as a "startup." Using that word gives it some legitimacy but, in fact, it is merely us two, crammed in a shipping container shop with an ancient laptop and a non-rotating fan. I take care of the social media, marketing, and running errands, and occasionally I cook for us when we have money for food. He tells me that the business is still not making money and thus he cannot pay me. I keep telling myself that I am "gaining experience," but my bank account is telling me otherwise.

Once in a while, I find myself at the side of the road, looking at people driving to work in the morning. The trotro mate calling "Circle! Circle!" seems to have more confidence in life than I do.

However, I still have not given up. Not so far. Maybe I am just taking a detour. Although it is a race at the day-to-day life, it feels like I am running barefoot while others are driving in a luxury car.

Right now, I could really do with some encouraging words. If you ever found yourself in my situation, stuck in that place between hope and frustration, I would like to know how you managed to get through. How did you maintain a positive mindset when everything around you shouted "failure"?

Maybe I can take a lesson from your experience and gain the power to keep going. Man, it is really hard here!

—Kweku

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