After Proposing For Marriage, He Forget Me

James was a guy I met in the course of the National Youth Service Corps program in 2023. He was a fellow corps member and lived in the same compound as I did, which contributed a lot to our friendship. He said from the very beginning that he was not interested in a relationship, but I had already developed a strong attraction towards him and could not just leave.

In the end, we started having sex. My reasoning was that since there were no other women in his life, eventually, he would declare his love for me.

He was very generous, always taking me out, and enriching me with his company. What the people around us saw was a sort of controversy—the kind that happens between people who are supposed to be in love but are just having a platonic relationship instead. We were like a dream couple in the eyes of the world, however, it was just a “friends with benefits” arrangement behind it all.

The end of my service year came after ten months. Just two days prior to my departure, James popped the question.

In the year 2024, he relocated to Nakuru while I chose to stay in Calabar. Not long after, he started to worry about the distance and said he couldn’t cope with a long-distance relationship. I had already decided to go to Nakuru sooner or later, but because of him, I hastened my plans. I got a remote job right after my national service, while James was still looking for a job and staying with his parents.

When I got to Nakuru, I first lived for two months with my cousin and only then got my own apartment. James nearly made my apartment his second home; he would come early in the morning and stay until 9 or 10 p.m. the next day. I was responsible for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the two of us.

He became more and more insecure during that time. He made constant allegations against me that I was unfaithful and thought that every man who was talking to me wanted to have sex with me. The relationship became unhealthy. He demanded that I erase and block every male contact on my phone and I did it.

After about five months, he finally got a supervisor position at a furniture store. The salary was not high, but at least it was something. I helped him in every possible way. I cooked for him and took meals to him, took him out, bought him clothes and shoes, paid for his subscriptions, and lent him money that he never returned.

I even offered him gifts at random just to make him feel good. But he did not take it in a good way and started to insult me verbally. I put up with everything because I thought that if I left him, people would say it was because he was unemployed or that I was not ready to invest time with him.

In the end, he found a better job while I got the job as a brand promoter. He had no salary for the first three months of his employment, so I gave him money for his transport and even had food delivered to him every other week at his office.

Then, out of nowhere, he said that he was not happy about my job of promotion. He said that he wanted his wife to work in a good office.

When I said I wouldn't quit my job, the dispute turned into a massive fight. After a short while he called one morning saying he wanted to visit me. I replied that I was at work. He got angry and accused me of not appreciating his coming. “My time is very costly and there are lots of other women who would do anything for it,” he said.

I answered that if he could pay me the same as my brand I would be more than happy to stay home. He got furious and cut off the phone.

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I thought it was just a lovers' quarrel and he would eventually come back. But it’s almost two years gone by and I still haven’t heard from him. Just recently, I saw a picture of him with another girl on social media and all the hurt and pain came back to me.

I keep on asking myself what my fault was. I turned down good men, just to stick with him. I was loyal till the very end but in exchange, I received no communication and heartbreaks.

I am not sure about what different things I could have done. All that is left for me to do is to wait for healing. I want to be capable of loving and trusting again but the truth is that I am afraid.

—Blossom

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