After I Saw Her Ex, Our Marriage Transformed

Our friendship was still at its early stage when she confided in me about a short-lived fling with her boss, whom she considered as her main suitor. I was aware that her boss was getting a divorce but still wished to marry her in the long run. I suggested her to restrain herself until the divorce was over, but she was already very much into it seeing him, inviting him over, etc. However, I finally made up my mind to stay out and give them time together.

However, their affair was short-lived because, as she said, her boss admitted that family problems were the main reason for the divorce taking so long. Once she figured out that it was not going to happen, she broke up with him. I admired her decision. Even though she did not take my advice, I respected her for being able to tell when a relationship was giving no joy and cutting her losses.

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After two years, our relationship had come to a turning point. I had always valued her as a human being, but my feelings had turned into love. At first, she was reluctant and thought the same thing that friendship was lovey-dovey risk. I said that it wouldn’t be clear unless we tried. After pressing for a long, she conferred a try, and we went on dating.

Right from the start, it was all good. We were open like books with each other, and nothing was hidden. Some of our friends were really not confident about our staying power, however, we lived it day by day and soon enough, we were discussing our future together.

When I went to her place, her mother giggled, admitting me in a second; I did not need to say my name. Her father commented, “As soon as you are ready, just bring home what you got.”

Our wedding planning commenced. We made the arrangements but did not go into details about it. Just a week before the day, she asked, “My boss is very eager to attend the wedding. What’s your opinion on that?” My answer was, “Can’t he just stay away?” She continued, “If you really don’t want him to come, he will not.”

He was both her superior and ex-lover, and I certainly did not want to experience these feelings on the day of my wedding. It would have been better not to know about their history, but I did, and there was no way I’d let a guy who once slept with the bride in her wedding dress and wearing my ring be so close to me.

Everything was blissful on the wedding day until I noticed him sitting in the front row, smiling and giving my wife glances. My smile disappeared and I could only focus on him. I said to her, “I thought we had the same understanding about him not coming…” She answered, “I could not prevent him from coming. He is my boss and don’t forget the people from my office are also here.”

He came with a present, took a picture with us, and even got between us to take a pic with her. I was watching them with jealousy living in me. My wife was happy and waving goodbye, and it looked like she had no bad feelings towards him even for betraying her. Their bond seemed to be stronger than I considered, but I tried to overlook it and have a good day anyway. Luckily, I did not spot him at the reception.

The third day after our wedding, I checked her phone. They had been in touch even the night before our wedding. Her boss messaged her, “This should’ve been us. I am sorry for everything.” My wife’s response was, “I am done with it. Just wish me good luck.”

I went through their chats, looking for the option to hurt my feelings by myself just a few days after our wedding. There were no signs of them having a relationship, though he was definitely after her again. He had asked her for a date, and she had refused. They shared something from the office and my wife advised him, “Don’t do it again. It was too risky.”

She did not go into detail, so I could only guess that he had gone a bit too far at work. I woke her up and said I had read their conversations. She said, “Are you still hung up on this? Why not let the past stay buried when a new future awaits us?”

I said, “If I am to be secure and not be worried about you and him, you have to quit that job.” She didn’t put up a fight; instead, she replied, “I’m already searching for a new job. I will quit to make you happy.”

That was music to my ears. I released my concerns and gave myself over to love again. Nearly a year down the line, my wife is still working with the same employer. She has been presented with different options but has turned them down because “the payment is not attractive.”

I can’t say anything as I know her efforts, but I can’t help feeling anxious every time she is late coming home from work. I become suspicious when she goes out by herself, particularly if it is late. I have made a vow to myself that I will not check her phone anymore and it has been several months since I last did so, even though she has the same password as me. This whole situation is distressing and at the same time I am looking for someone to share it with.

This is the reason I am bringing this up here. I attempt to have confidence in her and release my anxieties, nevertheless, it is not easy. I am asking for your advice on how to achieve tranquility while waiting for a new chance. If I do not, then I am afraid that I will get entirely consumed by my insecurity. Do I have a reason for this feeling? Was it wrong to pick her as my wife knowing her history? When will I become convinced of our love despite my knowledge? I did care for her like a friend, and now I do love her, so what is the reason I cannot get rid of this feeling?

—Ben

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